Monday, January 31, 2011

TMIS: January 2011


As anyone who as spent more than 2 seconds on my blog can attest, I can’t always bring the funny or the insightful or even a coherent sentence.  Life sometimes just isn’t interesting enough to write about.   I would reach the end of the week and have to write my week in review for a week that didn’t require reviewing. 

So, with my relaunch, I have done away with the weak week in review and re-iamagined them as This Month In Steve – now with sexy robots!.

I still make no promises that it will be funny, insightful or coherent.

  • 3.75 – the interest rate I got on my refinancing of The Wallagio
  • 5 – the number of comments from Magpie, my most prolific commentrix. I don’t count dirty Facebook commentors.
  • 9 – the number of Winter League points I played this month. Vegas has set the over-and-under at 11 1/2 for February.
  • 35 – the number of blog posts in January.  My best month since December 2009.
  • Best Beer – Stone Vertical Epic 10.10.10  (Duh)

Not a very interesting month, sorry.  But February is shaping up to grossly outperform January.  So I’ve got that going for me.  Which is nice.

Arctic Blitzkrieg 2011


Is there now no doubt that the “Supreme Being of Your Choice” hates Jerry Jones?  We had one of the most beautiful days in the history of Januaries (Thank you, Al Gore) on Saturday, but the mighty and vengeful SBOYC quickly sends a terrifying blast of artic air to ensure a miserable week leading up to the “Big Game In Arlington”.

Worst Groupon Ever?

Groupon$250 VIP Ticket to the Dallas SuperBash 2011 Hosted by Pamela Anderson ($500 Value)

$250 VIP Ticket to the Dallas SuperBash 2011 Hosted by Pamela Anderson ($500 Value)

Friday, January 28, 2011

Blue Ray Review: The Other Guys

What, is that a Prius?  Did that come with a dental dam?

Synopsis NYPD’s best cops, Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock die in action and are soon replaced by a nebbish Will Farrell and Marky Mark.  Hilarity ensues, but not really.
What I Like
  • Derek Jeter getting shot in the knee.
  • The art house scene.
  • The hobo gay orgy.  Yes, seriously.
  • Realizing it was Titus Pullo as the bad guy.
What I Didn’t Like
  • Way too long.
  • Long periods of unfunniness.
Analysis This was like watching three different movies.  One movie was a super, over the top Michael Bay brain-dead action picture.  Another move was a quasi-Judd Appatow-esqe cop movie and then there was a third movie that seemed like a Die Hard sequel since the bad guy was a rich dude with a foreign accent.  Seriously, this movie had no idea what it was.  There were a hand full of genuine laugh-out-loud moments.  But they were way too far apart.  And did we really need the Marky Mark as a stalker story line?  That could have chopped the movie way down.  And what was with the overly political credits?  Yes, I get it, TARP was bad. 
The Stats
  • 0 breasts
  • 0 beasts
  • Chenyian-fu
  • Helicopter-fu
Conclusion C-  King Wally says check it out.

Buy it here:  The Other Guys (The Unrated Other Edition) [Blu-ray]

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thirsty Thursday: Mikkeller Monk’s Brew

I drink the beers you’re too afraid to sip.

Synopsis A Danish brewery does its best to apologize to the rest of the word for Heineken.  Oh and don’t get me all confused about the difference between Denmark and Holland.  Seriously, don’t crap all over my joke.
Pour Monk’s Brew pours super dark with a big thick head.  Oh great, now I’m writing gay porn.
Aroma There’s a lot of chocolate and a bit of coffee.
Flavor I have to admit my prejudices, but I figured a beer called Monk’s Brew would have a strong Belgian style flavor.  It does not.  It tastes more like a very strong porter.
Conclusion What the beer lacks in Belgiany goodness it more than makes up in ABV.  This is no doubt a good beer.  But I can’t put it among my all time favorites.  But after a complete 750ml bottle I am feeling really good.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Winter League Week 3: The Pictures

I was lame last week and didn't make the trek up to Winter League.  So as far as the interwebs are concerned, it never happened.

Thanks, Pokey, for lending me the longer lens.  I finally feel like a real man.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Happy Birthday Ticket

Today is the 17th birthday for The Ticket and I have been listening for most of those 17 years.

I moved back to the DFW in the summer of 1994 and quickly found and fell in love with The Ticket.  It is the fine balance of hot sports opinions and jackassery that has kept me a P1 ever since.

So, in honor of The Ticket becoming legal (in Texas) here’s one of my fine moments the 13 Ticket AM.

And one of my favorite bits that never got replayed for obvious reasons.

Dirty Facebookers go here.


I don’t know why sometimes facebook shows my videos and sometimes not.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sorry, No Post Today

But I guess, technically this is  a post.

I’m having to restore my laptop to its original, factory condition.  I must have installed something that is keeping my USB devices from being recognized. I should have everything up and running again by Tuesday.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Whole Foods Makes Me Giggle

Whole Foods made me giggle derisively to myself not once, not twice but three times today.  For those scoring at home, that’s a comedic hat trick.  And if you are scoring at home, why are you reading this blog.  Seriously, get back to it.

Before I continue, let me give a positioning statement about Whole Foods.  I’m not a huge fan.  If I’m going to overspend on marginally superior groceries I want to do it with less smugness and less hipster vibe.  Which is why I prefer Central Market.  If there weren’t a Whole Foods just down the street from me, I would probably never go. 

The first Whole Foods induced giggle came during the day when I received an email claiming “URGENT! Take Action Now”.  Wow, this must be really important.  Have the Chinese cornered the market on gluten free muffin tops?  Is Rick Perry about to lift the ban on hair products tested on bunny rabbits?

Nope  The USDA is about to deregulate genetically engineered alfalfa.  

It truly is the end times as the Mayans predicted.

This is funny to me on so many levels.  I’m always amused by over-the-top hyperbole about negligible dangers.  It’s like the 10pm news promo:  “There’s something in your refrigerator that can kill your family!!”.  Now maybe genetically engineered alfalfa will trigger the zombie apocalypse.  But my money is on a Khardasian/Jersey Shore cross pollinated super herpes. Now that’s something that requires urgent attention.

The second thing that made me laugh is seeing people hang out at the wine bar at the Park Lane Whole Foods.  There are bars all up and down Greenville and this is where you want a Chardonnay at 8pm on a Friday?  I kind of get being able to walk around with a glass of wine.  It helps dull the pain of their exorbitant prices. Plus the tofu and quinoa salad might not taste so bad after a half a box of merlot. The odd thing is that the bar is right by seafood case.  I don’t need raw fish wafting by me as I’m sipping a hefeweizen. [Make your own Sue Ellen’s joke here]

Finally, while waltzing past the wine bar (that’s right, I like to waltz when I shop) I see a sign that says “Sustainable Wine”.  I love how we have to glom onto a concept and shoehorn it into everything.  Isn’t wine pretty sustainable as it is?  I mean we’ve only been making wine for what, two or three thousand years?  Sounds sustainable to me.  I almost expected to see another sign next to it saying “Gluten-free Water”.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thirsty Thursday: Stone Cali-Belgique IPA

Synopsis The Stone Brewery sends yet another love-letter to my palate.
Pour The beer poured to a beautiful clear golden elixir with a modest head that quickly dissipated. Holy Mother of Budha, this shit is starting to sound like I know what I’m talking about.
Aroma A sweet Belgiany (a word?) ale aroma couple, unsurprisingly, with a whiff of piney hops.
Flavor As the name implies, this beer marries a strong Belgian Ale to a hoppy IPA.  And it does so successfully.
Conclusion What do you expect me to say when Stone once again masterfully combines my two favorite beer styles?

It’s pretty good.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Eating Lower Greenville: World Piece Café

Synopsis A confusingly named lower Greenville eatery is visited by the King and quickly shutters and moves to the old York Street location.
What I Liked Ummm.  Well, the foie gras was ok.
What I Didn’t Like Ummm.  Well, there wasn’t much to dislike either.
Conclusion One thing that I’ve learned from watching way too much of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares is that a restaurant should find what it’s good at and focus on that.  The concept of World Piece Café is an array of foods from around the world, but not in the 900 page Cheesecake Factory menu fashion.

But how can a restaurant do a Moroccan tangine and Flemmish beef stew and do them both really well?  I submit that they can’t and shouldn’t.  Leave the cavalcade of world flavors to the overly flaired Happy McFunster’s.

And hopefully that is was they will be doing.  As we were leaving, we were told that they were moving into the recentlly vacated York St. location and changing the name to Bistro Watel’s.

I’ll probably give the new location a try since it is walking distance to my house.

Map picture

Note:  The map is to the new location.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Are We Really This Lazy?

You don’t need a third hand if you employ proper mise en place.

iPhone readers should be able play this video since it’s HTML5 compliant.  We live in exciting times when we can finally see our videos on our iPhongs.

Dirty Facebookers?  Well, I don’t know right now.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Thanks, Versus, For Making Me a Pirate

I planned to conclude my MLK day celebration by sitting down and watching my beloved Dallas Stars face the heinous Los Angeles Kings on my giant DLP TV – I’m literally a thousandaire, folks.  But Versus (it’s a deep deep cable channel specializing in obscure sports, which is why the NHL is on it) decided they needed to colorcast this mighty battle between Pacific division foes thus forbidding my good friends Ralph and Razor from do so.

Well I don’t have Versus.  I recently downsized my cable lineup and it just wasn’t worth the top tier for Versus. 

So I have to ask how a league that can barely draw flies in most markets can allow their “broadcasting partner” to block the viewing of their product to virtually everyone in our great nation’s fifth largest market? 

Sure, I guess I could blame Dish Network for assigning Versus to the higher tier.  But I’m an American and I don’t want my opinion complicated with facts.

Heartbroken that there would be no Stars for me tonight, I used the google and found a site that was “sharing” the game with friends.

Oh happy day.

Yeah, it was grainy picture and there was only a rumor of a puck in play.  But I thwarted The Man.  So, props to me.

One interesting note, the feed was from Canada’s TSN network and I got to see a political advertisement for who ever is there Prime Minister.  He claimed that Canada has lower unemployment rate than the US.  Unless the corporate media has lied to me, that just means that we’re more productive.  So suck on that Canada.

By the way, The Stars won 2-1 on Jamie Langenbruner’s power play goal in the 2nd.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Straight To DVD Review: Family Guy Presents It’s A Trap

“Could we, at least, put together a press release that says that I’m resigning on my own accord to pursue other evil projects?”

Synopsis Seth McFarlane keeps the money train rolling with his third installment of Family Guy’s Star Wars spoofs.
What I Liked
  • The space action scenes are beautifully rendered.  In fact they may even be better rendered than the original movie.
  • Darth Stewie’s acknowledgement that they had run out of characters when Roger from American Dad greets him.
What I Didn’t Like Pretty much everything else.  There just aren’t a lot of laughs here.  It’s even kind of hinted at in the commentary that they used up all their jokes in the first movie.
The Metrics
  • 0 breasts
  • multible beasts
  • jedi-fu
  • sarlack-fu
  • Academy Award nomination to Seth McFarlane for keeping said money train arollin’.
Conclusion C – King Wally says check it out.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Frisbee Song

It’s cold and rainy today, therefore no Winter League for me.  So, to fill the void of an ultimateless Saturday, please to enjoy:

Dirty facebookers go here.

Friday, January 14, 2011

So, Which Is It, Stock Market

I stared with incredulously at my massive stock portfolio (opulence, I has it!) the other day.  Two of my holdings were down 1.5%. That’s not that unusual.  I’m not that good at picking stocks.  But because of the circumstance, I would think that one stock would go up and the other down.

Let me explain.

As part of my Rollover IRA account, I follow the Dogs of the Dow strategy.  Essentially, at the beginning of each year you buy the five Dow stocks with the highest dividend yields.  I won’t go into theory behind it.  It’s just a good semi-brainless way to invest.  There’s probably an ETF that does it, but I do it myself.

Because of this strategy, I own shares of both AT&T and Verizon.  And it is these two stocks that are the source of my incredulouslyness.

Verizon had finally announced that, after what seems like decades of rumors, they would be carrying the iPhone.  Fearing this would destroy the reliability of the Verizon as millions of user abandon AT&T, the stock market hammered Verizon which closed lower by 1.5% while the Dow as a whole finished up slightly.

OK, that makes sense.  But why then did AT&T also go down 1.5%?  Wouldn’t the AT&T network become more reliable because of all those iPhone users not uploading pictures of their drunken friends?  Nope, AT&T is down because of potential loss of market share.  But then shouldn’t Verizon be up because an increase in market share?

No.  It’s the stock market.  They only believe the bad news unless it’s a bubble market and then they never believe the bad news.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Please Stop Using Internet Explorer

One of the statistics gathered by Blogger is what browser my “readers” use to watch porn and occasionally glance at my site.  And it came as a bit of a surprise that a plurality of my page views are done through Microsoft’s Internet Explorer.

I have recently started a new job.  And, as with most new jobs, it’s been slow to start.  So I’ve been making some visual updates to my blog.

This is a snippet of what my site looks like in Apple’s Safari Browser:


Notice how the headlines beautifully pop out at you.  In my opinion, Safari does the best job at beautifully rendering websites as the designer had intended.  But Chrome and Firefox do a good job as well:


Not so much for Internet Explorer:


The headline is just bland and flat.

I realize that most of my posts are read through Facebook which routinely rapes the formatting of my posts.  But if you do ever wander onto my site to see how my snark is supposed to look, please do it with a quality browser.

And while you’re here, maybe you would like to purchase something from that fine online shopping maven  Snark doesn’t write itself, ya know.  And Zoë and Alex need kibble.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

2010 Rewind: Texas Rangers in the World Series

Blog block prevented me from sharing these pictures in a timely manner.  Please to enjoy them now.

And in a related picture:

Although I was pounding Johnny Walker like there was no tomorrow in Vermont during Game 6 of the ALCS, my fatter younger sign toting doppleganger was in at the game.


Monday, January 10, 2011

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Am I the Asshole ?

Before you reflexively (and enthusiastically) shout “YES!”  Please be so kinda as to wait for my story.

It’s the day after New Years Eve – often referred to as New Years Day, but I’m not one for modern fads – and I’m getting in my Xterra after shopping at Whole Foods in search of grub to heal a booze ravaged body. 

“Excuse me, sir.  Can you help me”, I hear as I’m closing my door.

I roll down my window to see the woman talking from her SUV.

“Can you help me?  I’m running out of gas and I need to get to my mother who’s in the hospital in critical condition and I left my wallet at home".

I rolled my eyes, shook my head, raised my window and started my car.

So, am I the asshole?

A common begging technique these days is declaring you need gas money.  I’m not sure why beggars thing this is a better strategy than the “Will drop trow for money” used by the classically trained beggar.   And my spidey sense told me this was such a scam. 


Well, there was another person in the car with the woman – an older man, prehaps her father.  So I am to believe that both people left the house without any money?  Also, there is a 7-11 across the street from the Lakewood Whole Foods.  Why not hang out there where you can ask someone getting gas for help rather than driving around a parking lot?

Your verdict?

Friday, January 7, 2011

2010 In Review: Bottom 5 Restaurants

It was not all sun and roses in 2010.  There were some terrible and/or disappointing meals consumed.  Here are the perpetrators.

5) Craft – This is what passes for fine dining to Dallas’ cocaine and boobjob set before heading up to the Ghost Bar.  While nothing was bad, there was nothing that would compel me to return.  And I got to try a lot of dishes since everything is served “family style”.  But at these ridiculous prices, I’m going to need more than “not bad”.

4) State & Allen – I had heard nothing but great things about this new “gastro-pub” in Uptown, and could not wait to try it.  Well, I haven’t been back.  When two recommended items (fish tacos, “gourmet” mac&cheese) are virtually uneatable, you have to label that restaurant with a giant Fail.

3) Blue Fin Sushi – Not everything in Portland is epically delicious.  Blue Fin is one of those sushi places where the plates ride around on a conveyor belt and you grab what looks tasty as it chugs past you.  It’s also one of those sushi places where the tuna looks like it’s been dyed an unnatural shade of pink.  To be fair, it is across the street from Portland State University.  So I’m guessing their main clientele is poor, hungry students.

2) Sushi Awaji – This is one of those places where the tuna looks like it’s been dyed an unnatural shade of pink and causes you to feel like you just read this same sentence mere seconds ago.  In researching this blog (yeah, I sometimes look shit up) this disaster has been mercifully put out of our misery.   America, please just say no to sushi buffets!

1) The Crab Pot – Sometimes when you’re stuck in traffic and your travel companion needs to eat, NOW! you make poor decisions and choose a place you saw the Man Vs Food guy eat at on the Travel Channel.  What this craphole lacks in flavorful seafood it more than makes up for in yellow jackets buzzing around your discard buckets.  So don’t forget to ask for a side of epinephrine with your fried Dungeness crab basket.  Eating at The Crab Pot in Seattle is like eating at a Dickie’s BBQ in Lockhart.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

2010 In Review: 4 New Beers (and 1 wine)

5) King Wally’s Belgian Quad  --  A self-serving promotion of my barely competent brewing skeellz.  It’s light taste belies the powerful 12% abv it packs.  Certainly not as complex as most Belgian style ales, but it cost less than $3 a 22oz bottle. 
4) Pike Brewery Monk’s Uncle – To be fair, this beer probably doesn’t make the list except for the circumstances.  Time after time, no matter what was going on, the Pike Brewery was our #1 meet up place.  And why not – you can have a pretty decent Belgian Tripel for just $5.  In these hard economic times, a dollar saved on one beer can then later be applied to the next beer.
3) Jester King’s Wytchmaker Rye IPA – If you like hops and then more hops with an additional helping of hops on top of more hops, this is your beer.
2) Avery’s Depuceleus --  Apparently the name refers to  a woman that deflowers men.  I have no response to that, but to say this is the tastiest beer I may have ever had.  When the cicerone at The Meddlesome Moth described it as a Lambic aged in zinfandel casks with cherries, I was expecting something sickeningly sweet like a Framboise.  This was a delicately balance sour beer with just the right amount of cheery.  Avery made a painfully limited supply of this beer.  So if you didn’t get to try it, well, maybe in another life.
1) Love & Squalor Pinot Noir – I’ll just plagiarize my review of the Farm Café – “Although a bit on the sweet side, it was full of great noiry flavor and the aroma was amazing.  It may be the one wine I would rather smell than drink but not because it tastes bad.  It just smells that good.”

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

2010 In Review: Top 5 New Restaurants

Most of these restaurants are not new, only new to me in 2010.

5) Oceanaire – This is a late entry.  Great service, great food, sustainable sea bass – what more do you need?  How about a flight of oysters.  Yeah, it’s a chain, but so is Morton’s.  If a chain can maintain a high level of food quality and service it’s going to get much love from me.

4) Pink Door – I know the food was good here and there was a chick on a trapeze.  But dinner here will always be remembered for meeting the boisterous Claire and her stories of getting high and stealing a pizza oven. 

3) The Farm Café – The restaurant that provided the finest dessert (Blackberry bread pudding) and the finest wine (Love & Squalor Pinot Noir) of 2010.  The rest of the food was top notch and their Veggie hamburger was on The Best Thing I’ve Ever Eaten as that pie faced cake maker’s favorite burger.

2) Elliot’s Oyster House – Quite simply the tastiest oysters ever along with other treats from the sea.  Almost as impressive as the food is the knowledge of the waitstaff.

1) Uchi/Uchiko –  Although overall I prefer Uchi to Uchiko, I lumped them together.  Once I win the lottery, I’ll be going a lot more.  Three of my top 10 dishes are from the geniuses behind these restaurants.

Area Husky Exhibits Winter Doldrums


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Shepherd's Pie


It came out beautifully.  So I had to share.

2010 In Review: Top 10 Dishes

Since all I really know about is stuffing my face, my 2010 in Review posts will be largely food-centric.  Please to enjoy.

10) Wok Fried Sea Bass @ 560 – A whole fucking sea bass is fried and then brought to your table to be meticulously torn apart.  Be sure they let you have the extra crispy edges.

9) Smoked Salmon @ TJ’s Seafood Market – So delicious we’ve dubbed it candy. 

8) The Usual @ Cuquita’s – Consists of Queso Flameado, Super Nachos and Chilaquiles.  It’s really three dishes, but you really have to have them all together to satisfy the Cuquita’s craving that reaches to to the depths of your soul.  It’s an orgy of cheese and chorizo, but in a good way.

7) Gyutan (Grilled Beef Tongue) @ Uchiko – I’m not sure I had anything with a beefier flavor in 2010 and that includes a porterhouse at Morton’s.

6) Blueberry Bread Pudding @ The Farm Café – I’ve had a lot of bread pudding pass through my pudding hole.  But none has ever been as good as this.  So fresh blueberryy and puddingy.

5) Parrot Fish @ Dallas Fish Market – The best piece of fish I had all year.  It was early in 2010, so I’m not sure how it was prepared.  But the experience stayed with me, and deserves a high ranking.

4) Mac & Cheese @ Breecher’s Handmade Cheese – So good it’s one of Oprah’s favorite things.  So if you don’t believe me, believe her. 

3) Effingham Inlet Oysters @ Elliot’s Oyster House – I had a lot of oysters in Seattle from all over the Pacific Northwest.  But it’s the Effingham Inlet oysters that I crave to this day.  Nothing has ever tasted so deliciously of the sea as these gems.

2) Bacon Sen @ Uchi – This is so good I had it twice and both times they were for dessert.  Not because it’s sweet, but because it’s a satisfying end of a meal.

1) Foie Gras Nigiri @ Uchi  -- You know you’re in for something special when the waiter advises to take several bites of the “sushi” because it’s so rich.  If only I had known of it’s greatness so that I could take even smaller bites to make the experience last longer.

Another Reason to be Proud of New Jersey

or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Third Helping of Mashed Potatoes.
Donna Simpson's feast: The 30,000-calorie Christmas feast eaten by the world's fattest mum in ONE two-hour sitting | Mail Online

Donna's at 30,000 calories in her two-hour Christmas feast -- as much as many people eat over the course of two WEEKS. Here she is earlier this year snacking on McDonalds

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Live Blogging NFL Week 17: Cowboys @ Eagles


I’m only doing this for Jason and to get my blog numbers up from 2010.  That can’t be hard since I only had 87 in 2010 and most of those were silly Amazon gift ideas. 

This week's live blogging is brought to you by:

The letter Z and by the number 7


Does anyone know if this is the first time an Aggie quarterback has started a game in the NFL?  Did Bucky Richardson ever start with the Oilers? 

Well, it turns out Bucky started four games in 1994 with a passer rating in the low 50s.  So I’m going to say this is the first time an Aggie passing quarterback has ever started a game in the NFL.

And let’s all pray to sweet clean baby jebus that the Cowboys don’t screw up and win this game and thus ruin their draft positioning.


13:35:  McGee to Austin for a 30+ yard gain on a screen.  The first two plays went to Jones for nothing or a loss.   What happened to Felix.  The Philly D is littered with taxi squad players and he can’t make a move for just a little gain?

12:30: Handoff to Jones for 12.   See, all I have to do is dog a player and he shows improvement.  Once I stopped doing these live blogs and thus stopped dogging Roy Williams, he returned to form.

11:50:Choice on the Wildcat, gain of 4.  Please stop this nonsense.  I want to see more Choice, but not if it means more wildcat.  And, yes, I know they call it the Razorback with Choice.

11:18:  End-around to Austin, loss of 9.  Two trick plays in a row for a total loss of 5.  This game means nothing.  Let’s see what McGee can do and stop with the tricks.

6:28:  Handoff to Choice for 1.  Three handoffs in a row to start the Cowboys’ second possession.  Again, what does this prove?  Let’s see what McGee can do!  Everybody now.  Let’s see what McGee can do!

4:10:  McGee sacked, loss of 7.  Hey, at least they let him do something.  But he needs to learn to get rid of  the ball sooner.  Hopefully he has learned his lesson.

3:50:  McGee to MartyB, gain of 3.  Aggie on Aggie action.  Hot!

2:53:  McGee with an Intentional Grounding penalty.  Again, I would rather see this than another three yard handoff to Jones.

At the end of the quarter, it’s a scintillating nil to nil draw.  How do you like my soccer speak?



14:53:  Touchdown Eagles.  Kolb to Hall on First and Goal on the 4.  Phil 7  Dal 0

14:47:  Handoff to Jones for 20.  Keep running this play.  Geez, offensive coordinating isn’t that tough.  Now call the touchdown play and we’re back in it.

13:40:  Wildcat with Choice for a gain of 1.  Guh.

13:05:  I’m now convinced that Garret wants McGee to fail.  You can see he’s a big nervous about his protection.  He’s looking at blitzers more than his receivers.  So what does the red Genius do – Empty Backfield. 

11:28:  Touchdown Cowboys.  Spencer causes Kolb to fumble, picked up by Ware for TD.  Dal 7  Phil 7. 

6:20:  Handoff to Jones, no gain.  Guh.

4:58:  McGee to Manny Johnson, gain of 8.  Who??  It was a nice throw on to Johnson in coverage.  But not enough for a first down.

0:34:  Ware sacks Kolb.  I’m only blogging defensive plays in which Ware does something big, it appears.

0:23:  McCann muffs the punt.  Giggle.

0:17:  Ware sacks Kolb.  This may push the Eagles out of FG range.

0:09: Ware hurries Kolb to throw out of bounds.  This should have been a grounding penalty.

0:00 INT by Sensabaugh on the hail mary into the endzone.

At the half, Dallas 7  Philadelphia 7.


During halftime, please visit my fine sponsor,  Of course if you’re the douchebag that begged me to do this live-blogging you’re reading this from your douchebag RSS reader and don’t see my sponsor banners.


13:00:  I look foreword to not having to witness Keith Brookings’ terrible coverage, bad penalties and obnoxious pregame rants next year. 

12:08:  INT Terrance Newman.

12:02:  Handoff to Jones for 14.  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

10:47;  32 Yards from McGee to Austin.  See, just give him a chance to make a play.

10:19:  Dropped pass by Choice.  MUST BE CAUGHT!

10:14:  McGee to Williams, gain of 6.  Roy is still playing?

9:33:  McGee to Austin too low.  Over on downs.  Oh well.

6:36:  The ridiculousness of this game is causing me to lose enthusiasm for this live blogging.  Each team at this point has 7 points and 6 punts. 

4:44:  McGee to Williams, dropped.  The amazingly inept hands of Roy Williams.  That pretty much epitomizes his career as a Cowboy.

3:35:  McGee on a QB keeper for a first down.  The kid is playing hard.  It’s not going to be for lack of effort on his part that Dallas loses.  Lack of ability, perhaps. But that can come with more practice.

3:00:  Wildcat again.  Guh, again.

Another exciting nil-nil quarter.  Dallas 7  Philadelphia 7.


15:00;  Can we have a running clock for the rest of the game??

14:55:  Hatcher sacks Kolb to force a FG attempt.

14:25:  FG Eagles.  43 yards by Akers.  Phil 10  Dal 7.

14:09:  McGee to MartyB on a deflection by Jones.  First down.  I like how Garret gets Jones involved in the offense in innovative ways.

11:46:  McGee on a QB keeper, gain of 12 – first down.  Wow.  He’s having trouble make accurate throws right now, but McGee is busting his ass trying to keep the chains moving.

10:30:  I also look forward to not see MB3 rumble and stumble for a gain of 1 next year.

9:45:  Buehler misses from 52 yards.  What exactly is his range?  At least he’s consistent.  He misses from close and from far.

9:34:  Kolb to Hall for a bazillion yards.  How do you let the little white guy behind you?  I’m looking at you TNew.

7:01:  FG Eagles.  22 yards by Akers.  Phil 13  Dal 7.

1:28:  McGee to Witten for 32 yards.  What great effort by JWitt.

0:55:  TD Cowboys.  McGee to Witten.  Dal 14 Phil 13.  Buehler makes the PAT.

0:55:  Okay.  The Cowboys are on the verge of fucking this thing up and winning and dropping in the draft.  Hopefully the defense will do what they’ve done all year and give up a huge play late in the game.

0:50: Ware sacks Kolb for the third time.  That’s not a good start for a high draft pick.

0:32:  INT TNew to seal the deal.  I guess it’s better for Jerry to fuck up a middle of the first round pick than a top of the first round pick. 

Well, I’m glad that’s over with.  Join me this Spring when I live blog the entire season of the Western Conference Champion FC Dallas.  Is that even correct?  Do they have conferences in MSL?  And how many games is that?  Oh, good Christ what have I agreed to.

2010 Resolutions: How It Went


Some of my resolutions I knocked out of the park and others I took a huge O-fer.

  • Read 10 Books – Well I probably started at least 10 books, I just didn’t finish many.  I used to read dozens of books a year.  Now I’m not sure I read that many in a decade.  Books I did read, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy , The Big Short: Inside the Doomsday Machine and The Sommelier Prep Course: An Introduction to the Wines, Beers, and Spirits of the World
  • Attend 10 Shows – I’m pretty sure I achieved this one, or at least came close with the highlights including Roger Waters and Avenue Q.
  • 10 Movies – I’m proud to say I have not seen one movie in a theater in 2010.  I think that makes it official, I don’t like movies.  The time commitment is to large and they seldom deliver anything close to entertainment.
  • 10 New Restaurants – I probably did this in the Pac Northwest alone.  Notable new restaurants include Elliot’s Oyster House in Seattle, Oceaniare  and 560 in Dallas and Pok Pok and Farm Café in Portland.
  • 10 New Dishes – this one was easy.  Not only did I make at least 10 new dishes from recipes, I also started making things up I thought should work and also started smoking large hunks of meats thus requiring a 2011 purchase of a Big Green Egg.
  • 10 Days Outside the US – nope.  Didn’t make it to Vancouver or Montrael.  I didn’t even make it to Paris Las Vegas.  Fail!
  • 10 Things Outside my Comfort Zone – semifail.  I’m pretty sure I did a couple of things outside my comfort zone.  Just nothing worth blogging about. 
  • 10 lbs per Quarter – probably a bit of an overreach.  Probably lost 10 lbs for the year.  So not a complete fail.

I think this is a good set of resolutions.  So let’s try it again.  But this year they go to 11.  Except for movies.  I’m going to try to go the entire decade without seeing a movie.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Mr. Plinket Gives Us An Hilarious New Years Gift

The Episode III review.
Facebookers can go here for the hahas.

And even if it’s a bad movie, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t want a copy to complete your DVD collection.

I don't know why the enormously greedy George Lucas hasn't released these on Blu-Ray yet.

I’m So Embarrassed for You

oprah2 [ed note -- the doldrums were worse than first thought. this was written back in late November and is only now being posted.  So please be so kind as to pretend it’s Thanksgiving and you haven’t seen endless clips of this on The Soup or Jimmy Kimmel.]
I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while. After over three years of doing this, I sometimes get tired of my own “voice”.  So it would have to take something monumental to get me out of the doldrums of the boredom that is my inner voice to get me back into blogging.  And I witnessed something yesterday that was shocking, revolting and made me cry for the future of our society.
That thing was Oprah’s Favorite Things.
First of all, I want to make it clear that this has little to do with Oprah.  It may not be a popular stance amongst the hipster snark-filled blogerati, but I think Oprah is an inspirational example of the greatness of America.  This is a person who climbed up from abject poverty in the racist south to becoming the most powerful black woman in the history of ever.   And to me, that’s what America is all about – a dedicated focus on your objectives and you can achieve anything despite all obstacles.
No, this posting is aimed at the cackling, sycophantic yentas that populated Oprah’s audience on the occasion of her announcing her favorite things.  I swear to Christ, fewer tears were shed during 9/11.  These shallow coozes reacted to being given a brownie pan like their leukemia suffering toddler had just been given a miracle cure.  The looks of shock and awe on their faces would make you think they were peering at the face of Christ himself and not a fucking cashmere sweater with matching cable throw whatever the fuck that is.
Now, to be fair, I have had the Beecher’s Mac & Cheese in Seattle.  And it is pretty fucking good.  But I would not react to being given a frozen dinner version of it in the same way as winning the Powerball Lottery.
And, as we head into the dreaded Xmas season, I wonder why we are so infatuated with crap.  I seldom go to malls anymore.  Why should I when there’s the greatness of Amazon.  (So if you need a cashmere sweater, follow this link  Merona® Women's Cashmere Cardigan Sweater - Oxygen Blue and do me a solid and buy something.  These rants aren’t free, ya know.)