2011 in Review: Top Fifteen Pictures

In reviewing my 2011 pictures two things became obvious to me.  One, I need to take more pictures.  Even though I took almost twice as many pictures as the year before, that was mostly due to taking many more pictures at fewer “picture” opportunities. The second was that there was no obvious best picture of 2011.

In 2009 this was by far the best picture I took of an old couple in a café in Paris.:

In 2010 it was this self explanatory picture:

So, for 2011 I narrowed it down to these fifteen in no particular order.

2011 in Reivew: Top Five Movies

Seriously??  Do you even read this blog?  I don’t go to movies. They are terrible.  There’s only been a handful of good movies made since Fargo.  So I don’t waste my time with them anymore. And I would advise you to do the same.

2011 in Review: Top Five Beverages

 

This was a good year to pour beverages down my face.  Let’s review, shall we?

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 (Tie)	Hendricks Martini at Mortons / Barb’s Hendricks Martini Having just be turned onto Hendricks Gin, I surprised Ryan the bartender at Mortons after he asked if I wanted my usual Saphire martini.  After my first he suggested that it would be good with muddled cucumber and a salt and pepper rim.  “I’ll have one of those then.” I said.  And then had another.  And maybe had another.  Now Barb makes a delicious version.  But don’t drink one if you’re trying to sober up.
4	La Chouffe This was my go to Belgian Rally Ale during the base playoffs.  And it worked right up until game seven.  Yes I had neglected to have any on hand for game six.  Oh, and they gave me that nice hat during their happy hour at the Belgian Beer Fest.
3	The Mèdoc at Le Perraudin This was easily the best wine I had in Euroland in 2011.  I wish I had taken a picture of the board so I could tell you exactly what it was.
2	Fedefweisser at Hotel Villa Melsheimer in Reil  I’m not sure if it was the intoxicating view of the Mosel Valley, the intoxicatingly delicious Zweibelkuchen, the intoxicatingly leisurely bike ride along the Mosel or our intoxicatingly cute waitress Amy, but this young, cloudy sweet wine hit the schpott.
1	Westvleteren Trappist Ale  They only sold it twice a day during the Belgian Beer Fest.  And I just happened to be in line returning my glass.  JT had poopooed it.  But he lies with his lying mouth.  It was real and spectacular.

2011 in Review: Top Five Worst Deaths

As noted in a previous blog entry, this was a year in which some truly horrible and death-worthy people died.  But it was also a year in which some great and visionary people died.

5	REM I’m not going to apologize for their being the significant college band of my college days.  Yes, they are mostly a parody of themselves now.  But back before MTV would show them, they were greatness.  RIP World Leader Pretend.
4	Peter Falk Columbo is one of my all-time favorite shows of all time forever, always.  And that would not be the case without the greatest of Peter Falk.  And try to find a funnier movie in the 70s than The InLaws.
3	Christopher Hitchens One of the great thinkers of the last half century.  His writings in The Nation, Slate and The Atlantic were go to articles for me the past decade.  I wish I was 1/10th as literate as he.
2	Steven Jobs There were personal computers before the Mac, There were MP3 players before the iPod.  There were smart phones before the iPhone.  There were tablet computers before the iPad.  But, through his leadership and guidance, the gold standard for all of those products were set.  If only more tech companies would follow his ethic of “we’re not going to sell crap that’s barely usable”.
1	Valcav Havel There certainly is something romantic about a writer leading his country against socialist totalitarians and into freedom and democracy.  It doesn’t hurt that I’ve personally seen the greatest that is the modern Czech Republic.   Mmmmmm beer and pork knuckle.   What???

2011 in Review: Top 5 Worst Moments

As years go, 2011 barely makes it into the top 10 of 21st Century years – thank you 2005.  While there was some incredible travel and food and wine and beer, there was also the hottest summer ever, and not in the fun way.

5	Landing in Gander, Newfoundland  There are few worse words you can hear while flying over the north Atlantic than “We’re having to turn back and land in Gander Canada.”  It’s even worse auf Deutsch.  A mysterious smell and a lack of Airbus 340 mechanics at this remote “international” airport delayed my trip to Europe by a day but added an additional country to my three country trip.  But the fuckers at Canadian customs didn’t even stamp my brand new passport.
4	Landing in Frankfurt Flughafen  After 24 of practically no sleep, I finally was in Frankfurt.  The problem, however, was that the original plan was to acclimate for a day in the ‘dorf.  But now there was no time to acclimate and didn’t even know what the new plan was.  Eventually JT talked me off the panic limb and I made my way to Brussels.
3	Signing Up for AT&T Uverse This was largely chronicled in this blog posting.  But I want to reiterate and make it perfectly clear – FUCK YOU AT&T!!!
2	Wallet Stolen in Paris  To be fair, if you’re going to get your wallet stolen, doing so in Paris makes a far better story than Pleasant Grove.  But try not to do it with less than €150 and your pre-paid train ticket home from Düsseldorf to Frankfurt.
1	David Fucking Freese

2011 in Review: Top Five Best Deaths

This was a great year for horrible people to die. Or for great characters to die horribly.  As morbid as it may seem, this is a list of my favorite deaths of 2011.

 

 

5	Muammar Quadafi – Sirte, Libya  Finally our long national struggle to spell his name the same way twice is over.
4	Osama bin Laden – Abbotabad, Pakistan My Tea Party friends tell me killing bin Laden is the only good thing Barack Hussein Obama has ever done. OK, I don’t have any friends in the Tea Party. And by “friends in the Tea Party”, I mean “friends”.
3	Kim Jong-Il – Pyongyang, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Truly one of the most horrible humans in a family of horrible humans.  He let his people starve as he ate and drank and fucked like a king.  But I hear it was an excellent golfer.  And he was most certainly a snazzy dresser.
1 (Tie)	Gustavo Fring and Uncle Tio – Santa Fe, NM *Spoiler Alert* But really, this happened months ago.  And if you’re not on board with Breaking Bad by now, then too bad*. They essentially died together.  Although Gus lasted a few glorious seconds longer.  And I included Uncle Tio because I was having a hard time coming up with a fifth great death. And this is as good of a time as any to go off on my Gus Fring rant.  While Breaking Bad is the greatest TV show ever (sorry about that. The Wire, you’ve been usurped), the character of Gus Fring, no matter how great he was, was simply unbelievable.  One becomes a drug lord for the money, the glamor the women and the power.  Not to pretend to be a manager of a chicken joint.

* But if this has persuaded you to try Breaking Bad and you wish to order the first season on Blu-Ray, may I recommend this link -- Breaking Bad: The Complete First Season [Blu-ray]

2010 In Review: Bottom 5 Restaurants

It was not all sun and roses in 2010.  There were some terrible and/or disappointing meals consumed.  Here are the perpetrators.

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5) Craft – This is what passes for fine dining to Dallas’ cocaine and boobjob set before heading up to the Ghost Bar.  While nothing was bad, there was nothing that would compel me to return.  And I got to try a lot of dishes since everything is served “family style”.  But at these ridiculous prices, I’m going to need more than “not bad”.

4) State & Allen – I had heard nothing but great things about this new “gastro-pub” in Uptown, and could not wait to try it.  Well, I haven’t been back.  When two recommended items (fish tacos, “gourmet” mac&cheese) are virtually uneatable, you have to label that restaurant with a giant Fail.

3) Blue Fin Sushi – Not everything in Portland is epically delicious.  Blue Fin is one of those sushi places where the plates ride around on a conveyor belt and you grab what looks tasty as it chugs past you.  It’s also one of those sushi places where the tuna looks like it’s been dyed an unnatural shade of pink.  To be fair, it is across the street from Portland State University.  So I’m guessing their main clientele is poor, hungry students.

2) Sushi Awaji – This is one of those places where the tuna looks like it’s been dyed an unnatural shade of pink and causes you to feel like you just read this same sentence mere seconds ago.  In researching this blog (yeah, I sometimes look shit up) this disaster has been mercifully put out of our misery.   America, please just say no to sushi buffets!

1) The Crab Pot – Sometimes when you’re stuck in traffic and your travel companion needs to eat, NOW! you make poor decisions and choose a place you saw the Man Vs Food guy eat at on the Travel Channel.  What this craphole lacks in flavorful seafood it more than makes up for in yellow jackets buzzing around your discard buckets.  So don’t forget to ask for a side of epinephrine with your fried Dungeness crab basket.  Eating at The Crab Pot in Seattle is like eating at a Dickie’s BBQ in Lockhart.

2010 In Review: 4 New Beers (and 1 wine)

5) King Wally’s Belgian Quad  --  A self-serving promotion of my barely competent brewing skeellz.  It’s light taste belies the powerful 12% abv it packs.  Certainly not as complex as most Belgian style ales, but it cost less than $3 a 22oz bottle. 
4) Pike Brewery Monk’s Uncle – To be fair, this beer probably doesn’t make the list except for the circumstances.  Time after time, no matter what was going on, the Pike Brewery was our #1 meet up place.  And why not – you can have a pretty decent Belgian Tripel for just $5.  In these hard economic times, a dollar saved on one beer can then later be applied to the next beer.
3) Jester King’s Wytchmaker Rye IPA – If you like hops and then more hops with an additional helping of hops on top of more hops, this is your beer.
2) Avery’s Depuceleus --  Apparently the name refers to  a woman that deflowers men.  I have no response to that, but to say this is the tastiest beer I may have ever had.  When the cicerone at The Meddlesome Moth described it as a Lambic aged in zinfandel casks with cherries, I was expecting something sickeningly sweet like a Framboise.  This was a delicately balance sour beer with just the right amount of cheery.  Avery made a painfully limited supply of this beer.  So if you didn’t get to try it, well, maybe in another life.
1) Love & Squalor Pinot Noir – I’ll just plagiarize my review of the Farm Café – “Although a bit on the sweet side, it was full of great noiry flavor and the aroma was amazing.  It may be the one wine I would rather smell than drink but not because it tastes bad.  It just smells that good.”

2010 In Review: Top 5 New Restaurants

Most of these restaurants are not new, only new to me in 2010.

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5) Oceanaire – This is a late entry.  Great service, great food, sustainable sea bass – what more do you need?  How about a flight of oysters.  Yeah, it’s a chain, but so is Morton’s.  If a chain can maintain a high level of food quality and service it’s going to get much love from me.

4) Pink Door – I know the food was good here and there was a chick on a trapeze.  But dinner here will always be remembered for meeting the boisterous Claire and her stories of getting high and stealing a pizza oven. 

3) The Farm Café – The restaurant that provided the finest dessert (Blackberry bread pudding) and the finest wine (Love & Squalor Pinot Noir) of 2010.  The rest of the food was top notch and their Veggie hamburger was on The Best Thing I’ve Ever Eaten as that pie faced cake maker’s favorite burger.

2) Elliot’s Oyster House – Quite simply the tastiest oysters ever along with other treats from the sea.  Almost as impressive as the food is the knowledge of the waitstaff.

1) Uchi/Uchiko –  Although overall I prefer Uchi to Uchiko, I lumped them together.  Once I win the lottery, I’ll be going a lot more.  Three of my top 10 dishes are from the geniuses behind these restaurants.

Mr. Plinkett Finally Likes a Movie

From the man who tore George Lucas a new one with his scathing reviews of The Phantom Menace and The Attack of the Clones as well as disemboweling all of the Star Trek TNG movies, we now get a good review of J. J. Abrams' Star Trek reboot.

 

 

 

Facebookers can see these reviews HERE!!

Attack of the Clones: Worse Thing Since Bagpipes

FBers go HERE for highlarryass Star Wars - Episode II, Attack of the Clones Review.

Blu-Ray Review: Terminator Salvation

 

I’ll be back.

Synopsis	A death row inmate from the past is resurrected in the future as an infiltrating terminator.  But his humanity ultimately saves the day.  Oh, and lots of shit blows up good.
What I Liked	CGI Arnold:  Maybe they should make one to replace the California governor.
What I Disliked	Cancer:  The movie starts with a death row inmate, moments away from execution, chatting with a cancer ravaged Helena Bonham Carter.  I guess it’s important we see she’s got the big C so that later, when we see her in the future, we’re blown out of our seats.  And the only reason she’s in the movie at all is so that she can provide.. Exposition:  The movie stops down near the climatic final battle so that HBC can explain to one of our heroes and the popcorn munching hoopleheads in the theater what’s going on and why it’s going on. Helena Bonham Carter:  Seriously, has she ever been in a good movie?  And don’t give me any of that Merchant Ivory/Shakespeare bullshit. Endless action sequences where technologically superior robots are defeated by our heroes.
Conclusion	It’s movies like this that make me want to fly to LA and kick Hollywood in the nutz.  Tedious CGIed up action sequence are strung together by a gossamer like plot.

• 1 breast
• dozens of mechanical beasts
• robot-fu
• redneck-fu

D

King Wally says “meh”

Movie Review : Transformers 2 - Rise of My Lunch from Earlier in the Day

One of the good things about not having a job is that when some suggests going to see a movie at 11:30 at night, there is little reason to say no. Add to that the fact that my house's central air conditioning needs some valuable HVAC attention and an 11:30 at night movie sounds down right appealing.

Well, unless that movie is Transformers 2: The Rise of Expositional Dialog.

I've seen a lot of bad movies lately. It happens when you're locked in an airplane over the Atlantic. Your crap threshold moves precipitously downwards at 33,000 feet. So the only nice thing I can say about Transformers 2: The Rise of Lowered Expectations is that it's slightly better than Paul Blart Mall Cop and at least twice as funny.

I admit that I did not see the first Transformers movie in its entirety. So some of the more subtle motifs and themes may be lost on me.

But this movie forces us to make some wild leaps away from reality and common sense I just was unable to make. No, not that there are have been alien robots visiting our planet for eons during their epic struggle for galactic supremacy. No, it's that a smoking hot Megan Fox would even give a dweebing looking Shia Labeof the time of day much less be in love with him. Oh, AND she's an expert auto-mechanic!?!?! Really!?!?!

I would love to tell you what this movie is about. But it's not really about anything. It's essentially 1) Robot fight 2) Megan Fox looks sexy/takes off shirt 3) Robot exposition to move the plot 4) Repeat

And when the robots aren't kicking the shit out of each other T2: The Rise of the Cheese Souffle treats us to a glimpse of college life that only exists in movies.

• Even though the campus is bustling with activity from everyone moving in, Shia's parents are able to park right in front of his dorm.
• It's the middle of the afternoon and people, like I said, are moving into their dorm rooms, but there is always a large contingent of coeds that need to prance down the hall wearing nothing but a towel, but in full makeup. That's just how badly they need a shower.
• Shia's Astronomy 101 is not only taught by an eccentric, quirky Proffessor (Rainn Wilson). But the front row of the class is full of hot chicks in short skirts. Really???? Cause most of the 101 classes I took were taught by disinterested grad students. And the hot chicks were only in the business building. They weren't taking to many high science classes. And why was Einstein's E=MC2 formula on the chalk board? This is an astronomy class not a quantum physics class.
  

Oh, and Orion is a winter constellation. You can't see it in early September which is when this movie takes place since you just established that Shia is just entering college.

But besides all that, it's a great movie.

Actually it isn't. It's a pile something the cat threw up. (Thanks Norm).

• Robot-fu
• Tongue-fu
• Academy Award Nomination to Director Michael Bay for making blowing up most of the planet so pedestrian.
  

D-

King Wally says "feh".

Blu-Ray Review: Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I had originally decided that, as this movie was only slightly above average, it probably did no deserve a movie review from me. I'm a very busy person and cannot be bothered to write several lines about a movie that was merely above average.

Don't get me wrong. I did really like. There is something personally appealling to me about a big goofy guy like How I Met Your Mother's Jason Segel getting to fuck both Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis. And the plot -- a recently dump guy trying to clear his head of thoughts of his hot ex goes to Hawaii where said hot ex is at the exact same hotel with her new beau -- does deliver on uncomfortable hilarity. But there weren't the gut-busting laughs like you get from a Superbad or a Step Brothers.

In fact, the movie it's closest to, The Hammer, is a better, funnier movie. So, nope, no review here.

But then I started rewatching it on the HBO or Showtime or whatever and I began to realize that this is the greatest movie ever for one criterion, and one criterion only.

This movie possess the largest collection of women that I would actually want to make sex on.

Of course, other movies have many more "hot" women than this. But Forgetting Sarah Marshall has women that, at least in this reviewers twisted mind, are semi-attainable.

They are not the typical hot Hollywood whore. They're more like the cutest chick in marching band -- maybe a little hotter.

Let's run them down, and see if you agree:

Kristen Bell - aka Veronica Mars, aka Electric Elle on Heroes. She's cute with a rockin petite body. But the face is just off enough that after a few Buttery Nipples at the Capitol Grille, she might be within reach.

Mila Kunis – the cute chick from That 70’s Show. She’s adorably cute, but not a classic beauty. And she kinda talks funny. So she probably has some self esteem issues about that. Low self esteem = fun.

Kristin Wiig – many characters on SNL – hillariously funny in her one scene in the movie. She looks like the fun chick in your circle of friends and she’s funny.

Maria Thayer – I had only seen her once before as the blind chick Kenneth was smitten with on 30 Rock. Unknown to me at the time, this was a bit of stunt-casting as she played Jack McBrayer’s (30 Rock’s Kenneth) wife in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. She’s an amazing redhead with amazing porcelain skin with a light dusting of amazing freckles. Since she’s the least know of the four, she’s probably the most gettable.

• 6 breasts
• 0 beasts
• Luau-fu
  

Academy Award Nomination to Jason Segel for writing a movie where he gets to hold Mila Kunis while naked. Unfortunately, it was him, not her.

Anti -Academy Award nomination for the director of photography for filming Kristen Bell’s nude scene so you can’t see anything.

B+

King Wally says check it out.

My New Hero

I just spent much of the past day reading the Dallas Food website. I don't know who this guy is, but he's clearly my gastronomic soul mate. The bulk of his reviews are BBQ, Mexican and Chicken Fried Steak -- the Holy Trifecta of Texas cuisine. Thanks to him and Trent, I know to go to Mac's BBQ for some of the best in Dallas. And I am so making a trip to both Ozona and The AllGood for CFS.