Friday, May 27, 2011

From DUH! Magazine: Texas Legislature Still Full of Incompetent Asshats

 
Thanks Lege, now go fuck yourself while enjoying all that Bud and Miller money.  Let’s keep supporting those foreign owned breweries while shitting all over are good, fine Texas breweries.
 
Again, let me say with all my might “FUCK YOU”
 
Texas Beer Bill Dies With a Whimper, But Saint Arnold Founder Vows to Keep Up the Fight - Dallas Restaurants and Dining - City of Ate

Thursday, May 19, 2011

I, For One, Salute Our Fine State Troopers

I could not believe what I saw today, and have never been more proud of our brave state troopers.

This morning during my commute to work (where else would I be commuting to?) I witnessed the most glorious use of police work since they found that dude that kidnapped the plane used to bring Limburger cheese to a corn field outside Abbotabad. 

I may have some of my facts confused.

But back to me.

As seems to happen every morning and evening, there is someone in the left lane (often called The Passing Lane) on the Dallas North Tollway that does not realize that there are people behind him/her (usually her) that would like to proceed at a higher MPH the she is going.  Typically this is because the driver is more focused on her phone conversation than what’s going on around her.  Let me be the first to apologize to her for potentially distracting her from her very important conversation about last night’s episode of America's Next Top New Jersey Embarrassment.

So anyway, a state trooper was among the many of us in line behind Miss Chatty.  For a while he moved over to the center lane and temporarily moved a few car lengths in front of her, only to return to a car length or two behind – still in the center lane.  Then, abruptly, he turns on his lights moves back over to the left lane and pulls her over.

She certainly wasn’t speeding.  And she did not look the type to have outstanding warrants.  So I am left to believe that finally someone has been ticketed for not passing in the passing lane.  If this is the case, and I don’t care if it’s not because I want to believe this so much, then for those who like to speed, we salute you good Trooper.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Or Maybe You Could Just Put Down the HotPockets

In a study published in the journal Nature Genetics, the British researchers said that since fat plays an important role in peoples' susceptibility to metabolic diseases like obesity, heart disease and diabetes, the regulating gene could be target for drugs to treat such illnesses.

So keep loading up on crap.  Big Pharma will have a pill to turn off your fat gene.

 

Scientists find "master switch" gene for obesity - Yahoo! News

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Science!!!

Tom Naughton tears the “science” of observational studies a new arsehole.

Dirty facebookers can go here.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

There Better Be Some Actual In & Out To Wait In This Line

And, yes, I would recommend everyone head over to Chick-fa-la as well.

Slouching Towards Idiocracy

Don’t get me wrong, I like me an In-N-Out burger – double meat, protein style please.  But it’s never going to be better than Whataburger and it’s never going to be something to cry about.

Dirty, filthy facebookers go here to witness the crazy.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I Guess I Am #1

There were two incidents that happened the past few weeks that, to me, exemplify our post-modern narcissistic, entitlement society.

The first one actually happened to me.  I was driving home and stopped at a stop light  -- which is what any good God fearing, bin Laden death celebrating, red blooded American does..  Sitting as the sixth car in the middle lane, I watched as the first four cars crossed the intersection after the light turned green.  The fifth car, that being the one in front of me for those not paying too close attention, stood still -- the driver obvious texting or reading a text.  Wanting to get home before the approaching May 12 Armageddon, I gently gave my horn a honk to alert the distracted driver in front of me.  The driver looked up, saw the green light, proceeded to move through the intersection, and for the next three blocks presented his right middle finger to me for my amusement.

Really??

I’m supposed to sit patiently behind you while you tell your buddy how awesome Thor is?   Seriously, how am I the asshole here?  You’re the asshat keeping me from my precious couch and Tivo.

And is anyone still offended by the middle finger? 

The second incident didn’t directly happened to me.  But it did happen, once again, as I was sitting at a stop light.

Me – westbound on Lovers at Matilda waiting to turn left to go to Central Market.  East and west bound Lovers had the green lights.  A crowd of pedestrians who had just gotten off a bus were to my left waiting to cross Lovers.  Then, out of the blue, a young heavy man-boy who looks like he probably has a comfortable cot in his mom’s garage,  proceeded to cross Lovers.  An SUV narrowly missed him and honks, alerting him to the danger he just placed himself in.  The obvious reaction is for him to stop in the middle of traffic and give the SUV double-barreled middle fingers.

Again, you don’t have the right to flip someone off when you are the obvious asstard.

And this takes me to the crux of my thesis about narcissistic entitlement.  In both cases, these two “gentlemen” felt so in the right, despite empirical evidence to the contrary, they had no other option but to present the middle finger.  How dare anyone tell them that what they were doing was either dangerous or inconsiderate.

All we need to do is bow to each man’s wall of participation trophies accumulated throughout their years of self-esteem boosting entitlement indoctrination that is the modern USA.

Be warned America.  Make way for the modern bird shooting man.  Please do not interrupt his very important business of walking to the Tom Thumb for more Hot Pockets.

File Under DUH!

TysonCole_9.JPG

 

Tyson Cole, chef-owner of Uchi in Austin was honored last night at the James Beard Awards, in an unusual tie with Saipin Chutima of Lotus of Siam in Las Vegas for Best Chef: Southwest.

 

Austin chef Tyson Cole honored in Beard Awards | Eats Blog | dallasnews.com

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thanks, Arlington, for Making Dallas Look Less Retarded

From The Summer of Steve

 

In a university city with a student population as large as Austin's in the 1970s, the idea of ridding Arlington of bicycles seems as outlandish as banning dancing.

Yet incumbents Kathryn Wilemon and Lana Wolff are up against two challengers, Kelly Canon and Julie Douglas, who say bicycle lanes don't belong in Arlington.

Douglas, 60, called bicyclists an "accident waiting to happen" and wrote in a voters guide that Arlington can't mix bicycles with drunken drivers.

 

Fort Worth Star-Telegram : Bikes emerge as enemy in Arlington

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Bin Laden Hideout Looks Oddly Familiar

The Jester Can Finally Restock His Wine Cellar

Trader Joe’s Headed to Dallas | SideDish

Live Blogging Mavs @ Lakers: Game 1 NBA Western Conference Semi-Finals

Pregame:  I’m not really sure why I’m doing this or if I will do another game.  I don’t really like basketball and am barely a fan of the Mavericks.  Ideally, I would be live blogging game 2 of Stars/Sharks or some such. 

First Quarter

12:00  I love the classy old school team introductions.  Hey Cuban, take notes.  A basketball game doesn’t have to feel like you’re in the middle of a pinball machine.

10:46  With the Lakers scoring the first two points of the game the question has to be asked, is Marv Albert wearing a Teddy or a Camisole tonight?

9:03  JFC  how many steps does Gasol get to make???

6:02  TO  LA 12  DAL 8

5:56  Peja always makes me scared.  But he scored so I'm ok with him on the floor for now.

4:46  Pao Gasol is an All NBA first team dumb-face team member.

4:15 Peja doing what Peja do, three pointers.

3:55 And then blows the fast break layup.

3:00 Mavs take their first lead on a JET 3

2:30 Kidd misses a 3.  Let’s not fall in love with the long ball guys.

2:09 TO  DAL 21 LA 19

0:25  No more JJ 3s please.

End of the First Dallas 25  Los Angeles 23

Second Quarter

12;00  My pre-game notes show that Dirk was ecstatic about Pope John Paul II’s beatification this weekend.  Thus making this series a battle between the German Papist and the anal rapist.

10:30  The JET is on fire.

9:00   Too many 3 point attempts.

8:00 TO  DAL 32 LA 29

6:15 TO DAL 36 LA 33

6:15  I’m not gonna lie to you.  This is the part of the game that I usually nod off.  So I don’t know how much blogging I can get done napping.

5:08  Great defense by Chandler. 

5:07  Yeah, that’s all I got.  It’s looking less likely of another live playoff blog.

3:44  Jet causes the turnover but redeems with the fastbreak bucket over Kobe. 

3:42 TO DAL 40 LA 37

2:00 TO DAL 42 LA 41

0:01  How do you foul someone 70 feet from the basket? Huh, Jet?

End of Half  Los Angeles 53  Dallas 44

Third Quarter

12:00  I’m gonna call Secret Encounters.  There looks to be some hot chicas there that are into me.

11:35  Artest with the steal and score.  That’s not a good start to the half.

11:15  Another Mavericks miss.  What did Carlisle talk about in the locker-room?

10:40  Another steal.  Ugh.

10:37  TO  LA 60  DAL 44

9:32  Is this game still on?  I dozed off for a bit.

5:36  Lakers are looking very Mavs like by throwing up quick three attempts when ahead.

5:19  TO LA 64  DAL 61

5:19  Seeing those highlights of the last time these teams met in the playoffs, I wonder, will shorts ever be that short again?  I hope not.  That video look like what was playing at The Pony Bar.

End of the Third  Los Angeles 78  Dallas 71

Fourth Quarter

9:04  A barrage of Mavericks threes had brought them to within one.

8:46  TO LA 80  DAL 79

8:46  I really should be more excited.  But how can I get my head in the game when the Rangers are blowing games with their makeshift 40yo closers.

6:38  TO LA 86  DAL 83

5:05  TO LA 90 DAL 85

5:05 Sorry once again for the bloggin fail.  I tried to do something new and it just didn’t work out for me.

2:12 TO LA 92 DAL 89

2:12 I’ve never felt the Mavs could win this game.  Even when they were ahead, I knew there would be a Lakers run.  That’s what passes for my basketball analysis.  I got nothing.

0:20  LA 94  DAL 93

0:19  Dirks free throws give the Mavs a one point lead.  Stop Kobe and win the game, guys.

0:19  DAL 95  LA 94

0:03  Are you fucking me??  Kidd with the steal.  Going to the line and miss the first.  Oh dear.

0:03  DAL 96  LA 94

Final

I dunno how they did it.  But the Mavericks win.  Theeeeeeeeee Mavericks Win.

Dallas 96  Los Angeles 94