Friday, March 26, 2010

Cool Picture of the Day

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Hey Asshat: Workplace Edition

6a00d8341c525c53ef00e54f38b8ba8833-350wi I apologize if this ends up disturbing your delicate sensibilities, but sometimes I need to call someone out.  Even if I don’t actually know who that someone is.  Actually, I often call people out whom I have no idea who they are.

But who in the wide wide world of sports would think that it was non only a good idea but also proper to throw their gum out into the urinal at work???

Seriously, what were you thinking??  There’s a trash can right behind you.  Your Juicy Fruit had become so flavorless  during urination that you had to spit it out right that minute?

And did you even think that some poor soul is going to have to fish that piss soaked gum out of the urinal?  Would you like to do that?? Do you think anyone wants to do that?

My Leader Gets Some Pub

clipped from www.fastcompany.com


How Adam Carolla Became a Podcast Superstar

Adam Corolla, Comedian, Podcast, celebrity

Radio-and-TV personality Adam Carolla stumbled into podcasting and immediately became its No. 1 star. Now he's launching his own broadcasting network. Inside the messy birth of a new medium.

In just over a year, Carolla, 45, has used this same improvisational approach to lift podcasting from the realm of amateur audio and video blogging to an increasingly professional medium with real revenue potential. His daily talk show was an
immediate hit -- more than 50 million downloads in its first year -- and was named iTunes's best audio podcast of 2009.

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The GILF Hunters Have Left the Building

I hadn’t checked out who’s been visiting the blog in a while.  So, I swam over to Google’s Analytics to see what’s steering people here.  And for the first time in for as long as I can remember, there is no mention of GILFs or GILF hunters.

For the last 30 days, my referrals have looked like this:

Keyword Visits
chowdown countdown list 48
101 chowdown countdown list 38
jt richardson düsseldorf 14
travel channel chowdown countdown list 11
101 chowdown countdown complete list 8
chowdown countdown 101 list 7
101 chowdown countdown full list 6
summer of steve 6
helen markley 5
chow down countdown list 4

So, besides me, JT and my grandmother, people are here to read my complaint about The Travel Channel’s bogus 101 Chowdown Countdown.

I’m so proud that if you Google “chowdown countdown list” my article is the ninth item listed.

This blog has come a long way from it’s lonely days of rambling about egrets.  Thank you all for your support.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Another Reason to be Proud of Jersey

This article reads like on from The Onion. But it appears to be true. Could the Idiocracy really have crept upon us this quickly?
clipped from news.ninemsn.com.au

Woman aims to become world's fattest

Donna Simpson is hoping to become the world's fattest woman.


Donna Simpson, from New Jersey, weighs 273kg but told the Daily Mail newspaper she had her heart set on reaching her goal weight of 1000lb (450kg) in two years.


In order to pay for the enormous amounts of food she is eating — her weekly grocery bill is $815 — Ms Simpson makes money by running a website where men pay to watch her consume fast food.


"I think he'd like it if I was bigger ... he's a real belly man and completely supports me," she said.


Her 49-year-old partner Philippe — who she met on a dating site for plus-size people — was encouraging her to reach her goal, she said.


Ms Simpson, who needs a mobility scooter to go shopping, eats huge amounts of junk food each week and tries to move as little as possible so she doesn't burn off as many calories.


"I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favourite," she said.

An obese mother in the US is trying to put on weight in order to become the world's fattest woman.

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Spring Break Havasu: The Quasi Live Blog [Day 2]

My final day in the land of street-legal dune buggies and penicillin resistant syphilis.

Havasu
  • I failed to mention that our hotel smelled like someone had fouled up a bathroom 20 minutes ago but didn’t properly ventilate.  Apparently there is a city-wide sewage problem and the whole town smells like that.
  • The complimentary free breakfast looked as if we were in a Cocoon casting call.  And people really were eating those preprocessed frozen egg disks.
  • What is Ellen Page doing running our call center in Havasu??
  • Dangit, they’re ordering in for lunch.  No second trip to In-n-Out.
Pre-Flight
  • We got to Vegas 2 1/2 hours before our flight.  Time enough for a swing by Hooters Casino (formerly the great [cheap] San Remo).
  • All my times in Vegas and I’ve never seen the famous sign.  Like the Mona Lisa, it is much smaller than I had imagined.
  • I would classify this as an near epic win.  Three free gin&tonics, up $70 bucks on blackjack and I got to ogle the double Fs of the dealer for 45 minutes, all in lieu of sitting at a dreary airport terminal.
The Flight
  • Seriously, dude in the center seat of my row.  You went ahead and boarded with your “zone” so you can get properly situated in your coveted center seat?  Do you not know you’re supposed to wait and board last so that if there’s an aisle seat you can take that one instead?
  • US Air has some cute, perky stews.  At least the Vegas-DFW run does.  I was too tired to notice on the flight to Vegas.

Spring Break Havasu: The Quasi Live Blog [Day 1]

For reasons that are known to almost no one, the IT department of National Motor Club is heading to Lake Havasu to visit the our call center. Luckily this is the beginning of spring break and I have brought along a duffle bag full of Girls With Low Self Esteem trucker hats so as to entice a comely coed back to the room for a quick shower.

Pre-board
  • It always amazes me the number of people up and commuting at 5:45 am.  Seriously, how do you people do it every day?  I guess I didn’t mention my flight was at 7:30am.  Good times.
  • That sure is a long line at “Express” Check In.
  • Why is it that everyone in front of me at ticket counters or car rental counters take forever to process their business and when I get there it takes maybe a minute?? Can we have a Retard Line and a NonRetard line?
  • Center seat.  Awesome!!!
  • Oh yeah, that’s why I haven’t had a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Croisandwich in almost a decade.
  • The hot chick in the almost see through white pants is greatly offset by the heavy-set braless chick in the aquamarine baby doll. 
The Flight
  • No one in the aisle seat of my row.  Zoink!! Great Success!!!
  • Oh, good Christ, Omar Little is three rows in front of me.  God help us all if the plane is out of Honey Nut, yo.
  • I can certainly understand taking pictures of the Grand Canyon from 35,000 feet.  But, hey asshat, did you really think the flash was going to fill in the dark shadows of the canyon?
Havasu
  • So this is what Garland would be like if it were a major tourist destination.
  • Can it get any better than eating an In-n-Out burger in the shadow of the London Bridge?
  • There’s a church in Havasu that seems to continually protest abortion.  But really, do you want the people of Havasu to reproduce?  This place is ground zero of the growing Idiocracy.
  • Anyone who has spent two seconds on this blog will realize that I like to eat and I like to eat good food.  So there was a bit of disappointment when it was decided that we were going to dine at Shogun, a Benihana knockoff.
  • They must not sell much unfiltered sake here.  All of the unfiltered solids were caked at the bottom and the bottle had to be shaken vigorously to release their heady goodness.
  • The chef challenged our table to a sake bomb race.  I couldn’t pass that up.  That SOB was done before I even go the glass to my lips.
  • To my great surprise, the food was very good.  I am not a fan of Benihana and would usually power down when we would go for lunch during my Nortel days.  I had the filet and scallops and both were very good.  B+.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Hey Asshat: Express Self Checkout Lane Edition

One quick trip to Krogers and I witnessed all three of the primal rules of self checkout violated.  If we could all obey these three simple rules, then we will be one step closer to the utopia we all deserve.

  1. It’s not for your fucking weekly grocery shopping – When choosing a checkout lane, keep in mind the Express means to do something quickly.  You cannot quickly checkout you entire cart full of Vienna sausages, creamed corn and Eggo Waffles.  Take your cart to an aisle with a properly trained checkout cashier.
  2. Don’t use cash – Let me remind you once again that Express is right there in the name of the lane.  Using cash slows down the process.  Plus, the machine is not going to take your wadded up, glitter covered ones from the night before.
  3. Know what the fuck you’re doing – If you don’t know what you’re doing and it takes ten times the time to check out your flowers, then why did you get in the express lane to begin with?? It certainly was not to get out of the store quickly and home to your lovely wife for whom I assume the flowers are for.  I must then assume that your reason for using the Express lane was to slow my progress home.  How dare you sir.  I said good day.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010