Sunday, January 2, 2011

Live Blogging NFL Week 17: Cowboys @ Eagles

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I’m only doing this for Jason and to get my blog numbers up from 2010.  That can’t be hard since I only had 87 in 2010 and most of those were silly Amazon gift ideas. 


This week's live blogging is brought to you by:

The letter Z and by the number 7

Pregame

Does anyone know if this is the first time an Aggie quarterback has started a game in the NFL?  Did Bucky Richardson ever start with the Oilers? 

Well, it turns out Bucky started four games in 1994 with a passer rating in the low 50s.  So I’m going to say this is the first time an Aggie passing quarterback has ever started a game in the NFL.

And let’s all pray to sweet clean baby jebus that the Cowboys don’t screw up and win this game and thus ruin their draft positioning.

Q1

13:35:  McGee to Austin for a 30+ yard gain on a screen.  The first two plays went to Jones for nothing or a loss.   What happened to Felix.  The Philly D is littered with taxi squad players and he can’t make a move for just a little gain?

12:30: Handoff to Jones for 12.   See, all I have to do is dog a player and he shows improvement.  Once I stopped doing these live blogs and thus stopped dogging Roy Williams, he returned to form.

11:50:Choice on the Wildcat, gain of 4.  Please stop this nonsense.  I want to see more Choice, but not if it means more wildcat.  And, yes, I know they call it the Razorback with Choice.

11:18:  End-around to Austin, loss of 9.  Two trick plays in a row for a total loss of 5.  This game means nothing.  Let’s see what McGee can do and stop with the tricks.

6:28:  Handoff to Choice for 1.  Three handoffs in a row to start the Cowboys’ second possession.  Again, what does this prove?  Let’s see what McGee can do!  Everybody now.  Let’s see what McGee can do!

4:10:  McGee sacked, loss of 7.  Hey, at least they let him do something.  But he needs to learn to get rid of  the ball sooner.  Hopefully he has learned his lesson.

3:50:  McGee to MartyB, gain of 3.  Aggie on Aggie action.  Hot!

2:53:  McGee with an Intentional Grounding penalty.  Again, I would rather see this than another three yard handoff to Jones.

At the end of the quarter, it’s a scintillating nil to nil draw.  How do you like my soccer speak?

 

Q2

14:53:  Touchdown Eagles.  Kolb to Hall on First and Goal on the 4.  Phil 7  Dal 0

14:47:  Handoff to Jones for 20.  Keep running this play.  Geez, offensive coordinating isn’t that tough.  Now call the touchdown play and we’re back in it.

13:40:  Wildcat with Choice for a gain of 1.  Guh.

13:05:  I’m now convinced that Garret wants McGee to fail.  You can see he’s a big nervous about his protection.  He’s looking at blitzers more than his receivers.  So what does the red Genius do – Empty Backfield. 

11:28:  Touchdown Cowboys.  Spencer causes Kolb to fumble, picked up by Ware for TD.  Dal 7  Phil 7. 

6:20:  Handoff to Jones, no gain.  Guh.

4:58:  McGee to Manny Johnson, gain of 8.  Who??  It was a nice throw on to Johnson in coverage.  But not enough for a first down.

0:34:  Ware sacks Kolb.  I’m only blogging defensive plays in which Ware does something big, it appears.

0:23:  McCann muffs the punt.  Giggle.

0:17:  Ware sacks Kolb.  This may push the Eagles out of FG range.

0:09: Ware hurries Kolb to throw out of bounds.  This should have been a grounding penalty.

0:00 INT by Sensabaugh on the hail mary into the endzone.

At the half, Dallas 7  Philadelphia 7.

 

During halftime, please visit my fine sponsor, Amazon.com.  Of course if you’re the douchebag that begged me to do this live-blogging you’re reading this from your douchebag RSS reader and don’t see my sponsor banners.



Q3

13:00:  I look foreword to not having to witness Keith Brookings’ terrible coverage, bad penalties and obnoxious pregame rants next year. 

12:08:  INT Terrance Newman.

12:02:  Handoff to Jones for 14.  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

10:47;  32 Yards from McGee to Austin.  See, just give him a chance to make a play.

10:19:  Dropped pass by Choice.  MUST BE CAUGHT!

10:14:  McGee to Williams, gain of 6.  Roy is still playing?

9:33:  McGee to Austin too low.  Over on downs.  Oh well.

6:36:  The ridiculousness of this game is causing me to lose enthusiasm for this live blogging.  Each team at this point has 7 points and 6 punts. 

4:44:  McGee to Williams, dropped.  The amazingly inept hands of Roy Williams.  That pretty much epitomizes his career as a Cowboy.

3:35:  McGee on a QB keeper for a first down.  The kid is playing hard.  It’s not going to be for lack of effort on his part that Dallas loses.  Lack of ability, perhaps. But that can come with more practice.

3:00:  Wildcat again.  Guh, again.

Another exciting nil-nil quarter.  Dallas 7  Philadelphia 7.

Q4

15:00;  Can we have a running clock for the rest of the game??

14:55:  Hatcher sacks Kolb to force a FG attempt.

14:25:  FG Eagles.  43 yards by Akers.  Phil 10  Dal 7.

14:09:  McGee to MartyB on a deflection by Jones.  First down.  I like how Garret gets Jones involved in the offense in innovative ways.

11:46:  McGee on a QB keeper, gain of 12 – first down.  Wow.  He’s having trouble make accurate throws right now, but McGee is busting his ass trying to keep the chains moving.

10:30:  I also look forward to not see MB3 rumble and stumble for a gain of 1 next year.

9:45:  Buehler misses from 52 yards.  What exactly is his range?  At least he’s consistent.  He misses from close and from far.

9:34:  Kolb to Hall for a bazillion yards.  How do you let the little white guy behind you?  I’m looking at you TNew.

7:01:  FG Eagles.  22 yards by Akers.  Phil 13  Dal 7.

1:28:  McGee to Witten for 32 yards.  What great effort by JWitt.

0:55:  TD Cowboys.  McGee to Witten.  Dal 14 Phil 13.  Buehler makes the PAT.

0:55:  Okay.  The Cowboys are on the verge of fucking this thing up and winning and dropping in the draft.  Hopefully the defense will do what they’ve done all year and give up a huge play late in the game.

0:50: Ware sacks Kolb for the third time.  That’s not a good start for a high draft pick.

0:32:  INT TNew to seal the deal.  I guess it’s better for Jerry to fuck up a middle of the first round pick than a top of the first round pick. 

Well, I’m glad that’s over with.  Join me this Spring when I live blog the entire season of the Western Conference Champion FC Dallas.  Is that even correct?  Do they have conferences in MSL?  And how many games is that?  Oh, good Christ what have I agreed to.


1 comment:

pokey said...

Thank you sir. I do click through to your actual site. The RSS reader is just to consolidate everything in one place so I don't have to go look at a bunch of sites to figure out if there are new posts. It's my trusty AdBlock plugin for firefox that eliminates your money-grubbing ads.

Is there a direct link I can use to fund your porn with my amazon purchases? too bad christmas is already over...