2011 in Review: Top Fifteen Pictures

In reviewing my 2011 pictures two things became obvious to me.  One, I need to take more pictures.  Even though I took almost twice as many pictures as the year before, that was mostly due to taking many more pictures at fewer “picture” opportunities. The second was that there was no obvious best picture of 2011.

In 2009 this was by far the best picture I took of an old couple in a café in Paris.:

In 2010 it was this self explanatory picture:

So, for 2011 I narrowed it down to these fifteen in no particular order.

2011 in Review: Top Five TV Shows

The Golden age of TV that was the Oughts is long gone.  Must See Tee Vee like Lost, The Shield, The Sopranos, Battlestar Galactica, Deadwood and The Wire are now just distant memories relived by Netfilx or HBO-Go streaming.  But there are still a few shows that demand my near immediate attention when they air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

5	Portlandia (IFC) A quirky sketch comedy about my beloved Portland makes the list by mocking my beloved Portland in a very quirky, comedic and beloved way.
4	The League (FX) Nick Kroll may be just about the funniest person on TV right now.  And The League may have had the funniest scene on TV in 2011 with Sarah Silverman and Jeff Goldblum demonstrating how they eat sorbet.
3	Homeland (Showtime) Essentially a smarter 24 with Clarie Danes being much hotter and crazier than Keifer Sutherland and Mandy Patakin playing the same role he’s played on Criminal Minds and Dead Like Me.
2	Archer (FX)  Holy shit snacks!!  This is such classic me putting a show like this this high on my list.
1	Breaking Bad (AMC) It’s the only show on this list that rises to the level and even surpases the shows listed in the introduction.  In my opinion, and that of Chuck Klosterman, it’s the best show ever.

Also receiving votes:  Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Children's Hospital, Community and Modern Family

2011 in Review: Top Five Beverages

 

This was a good year to pour beverages down my face.  Let’s review, shall we?

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 (Tie)	Hendricks Martini at Mortons / Barb’s Hendricks Martini Having just be turned onto Hendricks Gin, I surprised Ryan the bartender at Mortons after he asked if I wanted my usual Saphire martini.  After my first he suggested that it would be good with muddled cucumber and a salt and pepper rim.  “I’ll have one of those then.” I said.  And then had another.  And maybe had another.  Now Barb makes a delicious version.  But don’t drink one if you’re trying to sober up.
4	La Chouffe This was my go to Belgian Rally Ale during the base playoffs.  And it worked right up until game seven.  Yes I had neglected to have any on hand for game six.  Oh, and they gave me that nice hat during their happy hour at the Belgian Beer Fest.
3	The Mèdoc at Le Perraudin This was easily the best wine I had in Euroland in 2011.  I wish I had taken a picture of the board so I could tell you exactly what it was.
2	Fedefweisser at Hotel Villa Melsheimer in Reil  I’m not sure if it was the intoxicating view of the Mosel Valley, the intoxicatingly delicious Zweibelkuchen, the intoxicatingly leisurely bike ride along the Mosel or our intoxicatingly cute waitress Amy, but this young, cloudy sweet wine hit the schpott.
1	Westvleteren Trappist Ale  They only sold it twice a day during the Belgian Beer Fest.  And I just happened to be in line returning my glass.  JT had poopooed it.  But he lies with his lying mouth.  It was real and spectacular.

Top Five Most Annoying People in the World

5) Backwards Parker – You’re driving behind someone in a parking lot when all of a sudden their backup lights go one and you have to slam on the breaks.  They then spend the next 90 minutes backing into a parking spot and you can’t maneuver around them.  Essentially, the backwards parker is simultaneously telling you “Fuck You” by wasting your time and “Look at me, I can park backwards.”  Hey, asshat, this saves no time and wastes mine.

4) One or Two item Central Market Grocery Cart User – Specifically I mean the mini carts at Central Market.  I swear to sweet clean baby jebus that one day somebody is going to sever both of my Achilles tendons with one of these carts.   You’ve got only a few items, use a hand cart.  The aisles are too narrow for all these mostly empty carts.

3) Perpendicular Elevator Riders – It is the generally accepted practice that, when riding in an elevator, everyone should face towards the doors.  But more and more I’m confronted with the person that stands facing perpendicular to this direction.  So, instead of facing the door, which eliminates any kind of eye contact whatsoever, he/she faces a wall.  So, not only is eye contact a possibility, but awkward chit-chat is an eventuality.  Please, people, just face the door and pretend there is no one else on the elevator.

2) Phrase Turning Blogger – This is self evident.

1) Fergie – Not only is she a part of the most annoying musical act in the history of sound, but thanks to my devotion to the Texas Rangers and the Maverick’s eminent playoff collapse, I have been bombarded with her Cherry Dr Pepper guzzling during each commercial break. And if this is the female form the prevailing zeitgeist requires me to be attracted to, then let the cock chugging begin.

 

As always, if you are in any of these groups, I don’t mean you, of course.  Unless you’re Fergie.  In which case, please kill yourself.

Top 5 of the 2000s: Miscellaneous Bests

There are some great things that didn’t have a list to be noted on.  So here’s their very special list.

5.  Best Video Game [Half Life 2] – I probably only played a handful of video games in the 2000s, but I played this one twice.  It’s one of the few First Person Shooters with an interesting plot.  And with the anticipated release of HL2:Episode 3 in 2010, expect to see this on the 2010s list as well.

4. Best Winter League [2002-2003 The Simpsons] – My first year to captain and the first year of the split.  And I had a good time for one of the few times at the end of the season party.

3.  Best Complement from A Dude That’s Been on 30 Rock and in a Jennifer Aniston Movie [Rhett Miller] – I was having a few beers with the Old 97s front man at The Libertine one night this year around St. Patrick’s day. He was with friends of friends.  But we were at the same table and talked about bidets.  As he got up to go home, he said his farewells and, to me, said, “I like your glasses.” 

2. Best Winter League Party [Mid January 2001 @ Jamestown Fields] – Those who were there know.  Those who weren’t there, wish they had been.

1. Best Hospitality [ Marie-Jean Welding] – Vanessa’s Aunt opened up her very tiny and very clean apartment in Antibes to a couple of slovenly Americans.

Top 5 of the 2000s: Blog Entries

Assuming that I’m not struck by a lightning bolt of brilliance between now and 2010, here are my five favorite blog entries from the past decade. OK, the past two and a half years.

5. Drunk Lunch: Episode 1 – maybe someday we’ll do another Drunk Lunch – stupid jobs.

4. The Neverending Flight that Never Ended (Almost)

3. Movie Review : Transformers 2 - Rise of My Lunch from Earlier in the Day

2. And So It Ends...

1. Steve Cook is the Luckiest Man in the World

Top 5 of the 2000s: Miscellaneous Worsts

So far all my lists have be largely positive. But over a ten year period, bad shit is going to happen. In order to keep the negativity to a minimum, I've devoted only one list for the Worst of the 2000s. As it turned it, it's a surprising small list.

5. Worst Use of the US Patent System [US Patent 6519452] – Yeah, so I have a patent. And the fact that this thing got a patent shows the US Patent System is horribly broken with regards to software.

4. Worst Jello Shot [The Jello Shot That Cannot Be Spoken Of] – I'm not at liberty to discuss this.

3. Worst Trip [Orlando 2000] – This was a business trip to a computer programmer's convention. Do I need to go on? Oh, and it was in fucking Orlando. Hot, muggy and Disney are not three things I want on any kind of trip.

2. Worst Meal [Village Inn, Flagstaff AZ] – Much chronicled in this posting. To paraphrase Patton Oswalt, it was a failure pile on a sadness plate.  [Sushi on McKinney]  Sorry, Matt.  How could I have forgotten the worst meal ever?

1. Worst Night [Feb 1, 2002] – The worst night of my life. Or, at least, the loneliest. That was the night of the 2^nd Annual Birthday limo party. I had spent much of the week before organizing it. And then my gall bladder assploded. So on the night of the party, I was alone in the hospital. And all my friends were out having fun. Sniff. It's a good thing the rest of the year kicked ass.

Top 5 of the 2000s: Drinks

Usually when I go out, I will imbibe on the usual commercially available libations the establishment has to offer. Very occasionally a restaurant or bar will offer up something that is not offered anywhere else or in such a fabulous manner that it must be enumerated in an end-of-the-decade top five list.

5. Mole Porter @ Church Brew Works (Pittsburgh) – Home of the perogie pizza, Church Brew Works also offers up some innovative brews. Their Mole Porter starts out like any porter but finishes with a pow-pow that has you asking for more.

4. House Beer @ U Fleků (Prague) – The only list U Fleků won't appear in, might be Top 10 TV shows. But there's no promise of that. It's a standard schwarzbier but there's lots of it for a cheap price.

3. Hand Grenade @ Tropical Isle (New Orleans) – This is one of the most dangerous beverages in the world. One will fuck you up and two, well no one can remember what two will do. But it has something to do with being between a street and another street and waking up with a bottle of lube under your bed.

2. Renovation Rye Ale @ The Alchemist (Waterbury VT) – As I've mentioned previously, before going to The Alchemist I was never enthusiastic about going to a brew-pub. And, on my first beer at The Alchemist, I was impressed, but not overwhelmed. Then I tried their Renovation Rye Ale. My socks instantly shot across the bar and through their plate glass window.

1. Bloody Mary @ Duke's Chowder House (Seattle) – "Gee, Steve, a simple Bloody Marry makes your list??? And not just on the list but #1??? Are you fucking high??" Take a look below -- prawns and asparagus!!!

Top 5 of the 2000s: Pub/Grub Crawls

JT finally came up with a good idea. So I must copy it.

5. St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl Hash Mar 17 2005 – Of course this has to make the list since it started with a woman showing me her chocolate kisses for free pizza. It also ended up at the then cool Lakewood Tavern. It was also my first pub crawl through my new neighborhood.

4. Lakewood Pub Crawl Hash July 12, 2001 – Besides The Tipperary Inn, this was my first introduction to this magical neighborhood that had all these great bars. It started and ended at The Tipp.

3. Jason's Bachelor Party Pub Crawl Sep 30 2007 – I might be biased here since, as Best Man, I organized this crawl. We started at Matt's Rancho Martinez and ended at The Pour House. It turned into a semi-grub crawl at the Cock & Bull when we saw the special Duck Three Ways on the menu board. It was delicious. This crawl is also notable due to my waking up in someone's front yard not knowing what US State I was in as I had recently gotten home from Walkabout 2007.

2. Calgary Stampede Pub Crawl Jul 6 2002 – There must have been 20 school busses full of Canadian revelers on this crawl. Somehow we got on a bus that was hosting a bachelor party as well. We got diverted to a strip club where we handful of Americans sat in horror as we saw grown men throwing Loonies at a naked woman. That's what they do up there. They throw coins at naked women in hopes of making them stick. Shouldn't we invade now??

1. Thanksgiving Friday Ft. Worth to Dallas Charity Grub Crawl Nov 25 2005 -- This was one of the best ideas I ever had. At least I think this was my idea. We started at The Original in Ft. Worth and ended up eventually at The Old Monk. We also hit – Lucille's, Angelos, River Bottom Tavern, Piranha, a couple of other places in downtown Ft. Worth, and Mick's. We also went to Green Room on the following Sunday. All the money we spent on the crawl was matched and donated to the North Texas Food Bank.

Honorable Mention to JT's Holiday Pub Crawl 2007 just for getting kicked out of the Lakewood Landing and Matt's Birthday Grub Crawl 2006 for its invention of the Ass Pizza (fresh garlic, jalapenos, anchovies) at Louie's.

Top 5 of the 2000s : Sporting Events [Attended]

We are now in the last month of the last year of the 2000s. It's a time of reflection and nostalgia. Man, can you believe those whacky outfits we all wore back in 2004??? Those were good times.

So, as we begin to close the door on the last full decade on the Mayan calendar, it is the obligation of the self absorbed blogger (is that redundant?) to enumerate lists of the bests and worsts. Over the course of December, I will present a variety of lists for your enjoyment, amusement and, perhaps, tiny bits of jealousy and pity. These will often be Top 5 lists. But there may be a Top 10 list here or there.

I'll start out with a list that it is doubtful can be changed in any significant ways between now and Jan 2010. It is the top five sporting events I personally attended:

5. Dallas Stars @ Anaheim Ducks Nov 7, 2008 – This is the only non-playoff game in the list. In fact the Stars didn't even make the playoff this season. But they went into the Duck's barn and beat them 5-2 on Mark Parrish's hat trick. My one regret was that I had neglected to bring my Matvichuck sweater. Oh, and the $9 Blue Moons were happily consumed since they would later be a part of my expense report since I was in SoCal on bidness.

4. New Jersey Devils @ Dallas Stars Jun 5 2000 – Game 4 of the 2000 Stanley Cup Finals, this turned out to be the last time I would ever be in the recently demolished Reunion Arena. It slides under Game 3 since the Stars lost this one 3-1. One of only two championship games I've ever attended.

3. New Jersey Devils @ Dallas Stars Jun 3 2000 – Game 3 of the 2000 Stanley Cup Finals, this turned out to be the penultimate time I would ever be in the recently demolished Reunion Arena. It squeaks ahead of Game 4 because I got to use the word penultimate in the description. One of only two championship games I've ever attended.

2. San Jose Sharks @ Dallas Stars May 4 2008 – Game 6 of the 2008 NHL Western Conference Semi-finals didn't finish until six full periods had been played. It was at 9:03 into the 7^th period that Brendon Morrow slammed a Stephane Robidas pass behind the great Evgeni Nobokov to cause an eruption at the ACC at 1:30am. Both Nobokov and Turco were dazzling with some of the greatest saves I've ever witnessed.

1. Colorado Avalance @ Dallas Stars May 27 2000 – Game 7 of the 2000 NHL Western Conference Finals. There is nothing better than a game 7. And this one was something special. The Stars took a 3-0 lead going into the third period. Good times and high fives were being had all around Reunion. This one was in the bag. But the Avs quickly got it to within one goal at the 8:26 mark of the third. The tension in Reunion was palpable. And then, for a good 10 minutes, the play intensified with each team attacking and counter-attacking up and down the ice with no stoppages in play. Each second of play, Reunion grew louder and louder. Then, with Avalanche goalie Patrick Roy pulled for an extra attacker, the Avs get a puck behind Eddie Belfour that loudly clangs off the post and to the side. A few seconds later the horn sounds and the Stars go off to their second Stanley Cup Finals in a row.