Sunday, July 31, 2011

Winter Pic of the Day

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Mmmmmmmmmm yellow snow.

And Now, A King Wally Fashion Tip

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This goes out to the new chick working one of the express check out lanes at the Central Market on Greenville.  One nose stud in one nostril is cute and adorable. One nose stud in BOTH nostrils makes you luck like a charging bull.

Twittererer of the Week

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I’m not really sure this will be a weekly feature.  After all, I don’t have a strong track record on maintaining weekly features.  But this week’s Twittererer of the week has had me rolling and inspired me, for at least this week, to start a weekly feature.

This week’s Twittererer of the week is:

@thecheapbastard

The Dallas Observer’s bawdy cheap food critic and James Beard Award nominee, Alice Laussade

With WFAA’s Pete Delkus on vacation this week, @thecheapbastard has assumed the responsibility of tweetering about the weather.  Some fine examples this week:

 

Today's forecast: Sunny skies and a high of fuck your face. #substituteweatherer

EXCLUSIVE : Hurricane Don finishes early, worries about reputation. #substituteweatherer

BREAKING: Arlingtonionites will sell boob for rain. RT @MedlinnieI: I'd do anything for some rain right now. #substituteweatherer

Fuck. All. That. RT: @CBSLarryagree! RT @marygaverykemp: if it's gonna be 100 next week I prefer the streak continue #substituteweatherer

That's like saying, "If I'm gonna get stabbed in the dick every day next week, I might as well get stabbed today, too." #substituteweatherer

Balls! http://t.co/QipmTch

Clouds, you are sucking at life right now. Fuckin' lazy. #getittogether #substituteweathererhttp://t.co/0KsMjTf

Hey Tropical Storm Don, Dallas has good barbecue and titties. You should visit. #substituteweatherer @wfaaweather

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Winter Pic of the Day

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“… we can do better that to clamor for mob rule”

Every now and then I read something that makes we want to scream “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!”  This article from FreeTheAnimal.com just did that.  This is Richard Nickolay’s  treatise on the absurdity of the Neolithic concept of democracy..

The key paragraphs:

The principle: I don't have a right to even a 1 in 300 millionth say in your affairs and I would not do that to you. In summary, I don't vote because I have no moral right to, even before the fact that it's totally masturbatory on a practical level.

and

Sure, admittedly, since nothing will really change, I welcome more rational depth than not. Obama is a commie. W. Bush was an elitist incompetent, far worse than his dad which isn't saying much, Clinton was a fucking liar of epic proportions and Reagan was a superstar personality who set us off on the greatest federal spending spree since Johnson. Carter is still an embarrassment in every way I can imagine as a man. Ford knew more about baseball than history and Nixon was a general shitbag.

That's the extent of my personal first hand knowledge. Fuck them all. Why the hell should I vote?

and

My curiosity is why a human animal would want to subjugate itself to such a process. We're social animals, but did not evolve in an ant hill or bee hive; we evolved in very small societies where you-animal could account for every other member. And every other member could account for you. Compromise is actually natural in this sort of setting. You compromise all the time in your close social circle and it's perfectly natural and makes the world go round.

While I certainly don’t feel as strongly about the nonsense that is our democratic system, I do understand what he’s getting at.  It saddens me when I see Facebook updates from friends on both sides of the political spectrum declaring the evil of the other side while ignoring the very same evil on their side.  Time and time again I’ve been told from one side that if the other side wins this most important election in the history of the universe, life as we know it will cease to exist and we will all become slaves to the puppet masters of the other side. 

But it never happens.  Life goes on.

And this great institution of democracy has brought us to the brink of economic collapse because one party wants to spend the money of our grandchildren at a slightly less exorbitant rate than the other party. 

And, no, I don’t have a solution to this problem.  Jesus Christ, have you even been reading this blog.  I only complain.  I never offer up solutions.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Am I the Asshole?

Due largely to the light dusting of Asperger’s I no doubt have, it is sometimes difficult for me to judge accurately if I’ve been an asshole.  Thus, I must come to you, my good strong reader (s???) to make the call.

This is my story.

The other day I was mowing my front lawn.  Now before you give your summary judgment, I am not asking if I’m an asshole for waiting so long between mowings.  But thank you for your input. 

While mowing my lawn, a mid 20s-ish woman pulled up in her late model Toyota 4Runner.  She existed her car and headed into the older house next to mine.  I waved hi and and continued on with my mowing.  There is a lot of turn-over in the tenants that live in that house and I had no recollection of ever seeing her before.

A few minutes later I see a cop car had turned onto my street from Skillman and just stops in the middle of my street.  Eventually he moves out of the middle of the street when another motorist needs to get through.  With each pass of the mower over my mostly dead grass, I can’t help but notice the cops and begin to suspect something is up.  Since my front yard isn’t that big, after a few more passes, I’m done mowing and put my mower back inside.

I have a small growing oak tree, no more than a foot tall, growing in the little green area between my sidewalk and the street.  Noticing several brown leaves on the baby, I went inside for water. With a bucket of water in my hand, a police officer comes up to me and asks, “Has anyone left the house next door?”,  pointing to the old house next to mine in which the young woman just walking inside.

“No”, I replied.

“Have you seen your neighbor at all today?  Do you know if he is inside?”

“No, I haven’t seen him at all.”, I truthfully answered since I only knew that SHE was inside.

“Do you know your neighbor at all?”

“No.  I think he just moved in recently”

“Ok.  Thanks”

So here’s where I may be an asshole.  I intentionally didn’t offer up the information about the woman inside the house.  I have no reason to suspect wrongdoing by my neighbor, but more importantly I didn’t want to help the cop and here’s why. A few weeks ago, my buddy Jason (aka Pokemon) had his car illegally towed in a parking lot behind the old Blarney Stone.  There was no signage stating you couldn’t park there and Jason suspected the the lot attendant was poaching the lot and had no authority to have cars towed from the lot.  This was later confirmed by the the manager of Chichin Itza, who only have a lot attendant on the weekends. 

While his car is getting hooked up, Jason appeals to a nearby police officer.  The cop just shook his head and stated it was a “civil matter”.  After more pleas, the cop became confrontational and threatened Jason with arrest.

So while the officer was questioning me in my yard I couldn’t help but think, “You arrogant fucks didn’t help my friend when he needed your help, why should I help you?”

So, am I an asshole?  And please use this incident and this incident only as the basis for your answer.

Winter Pic of the Day

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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Two Fat Ladies

I have recently rediscovered the greatness of The Two Fat Ladies.  They are being re-run on The Cooking Channel. Despite their generous use of butter and other saturated (good, yummy) fats, The Two Fat Ladies are not exactly paleo.  Regardless, this is still one of the most entertaining cooking shows in the history of cooking shows.

Sadly, the best part of this episode didn’t make it into this 10 minute clip.

Slovenly Facebookers may or may not get to see these clips depending on the capricious whims of Zuckerberg.  In which case they may need to go to the original article.  I did not provide a link since I have grown weary of having to do everything for you.

Winter Pic of the Day

In order to better cope with this insufferable heat wave, I will be posting a picture from earlier this year when life was so much colder. This will continue until the high is under 100 and the overnight low is under 80.

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I suggest making it your desktop, close all your windows and just stare at it will sipping a refreshing, cold beverage.

Your 10 Day Forecast

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RT @gordonkeith

Monday, July 25, 2011

Taking the Service out of Postal Service

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Due to a strange confluence of occurrences, I’ve had to mail three items in 2011.  And I mean actual mail, like from the guy that comes to your house every day and gives you useless advertising inserts and credit card offers.  This probably nearly doubles my postal missives for the 21 century.

On my first trip to the post office I needed to send a letter and, having not sent a letter since the first Bush was president, I had no stamps and would require procuring proper postage (that, boys and girls, is called alliteration, so suck it).  I went to my usual post office at Belmont and Greenville and searched for the stamp machine. I don’t think I’m retarded, but I could not find a one.  Giving up on my search, I then proceeded to the counter.  Surprisingly for a quasi-governmental office,  there was very little wait.

“Where did the stamp machines go?”, I asked.

“I don’t know.  They just took them out a little while ago.  No one knows why.”, the postal clerk replied.

Asking for and receiving my postage, I was on my way.

On my second trip, I knew the drill, and headed straight for clerk.  This time there wasn’t another soul in line.  Which is surprising because of all the ruckus when it was suggested recently that this post office be closed to curb costs. If you’re going to bitch about the gumming closing your favorite post office, shouldn’t you swing by every day for a stamp just so the place looks busy?

Today I once again needed to make a quick (let me be clear about the quick par, I just needed a stamp) stop at the post office.  Although my previous experiences at my ZIP’s post office had been pleasant, I was on my way to the Whole Foods in Lakewood and figured I would check that one out.  Maybe the high-toned denizens of Lakewood would insist on a stamp machine.

I was correct, sort of.

Instead of a simple stamp machine, which I believe at least 90% of the people needing something from the post office would find satisfactory, I was confronted with an automated postal kiosk.  And, of course, there was a line.  Regrettably it was a shorter line than the one leading to an actual living clerk.

So, after what seemed to be a good five minutes (remember I just want a stamp for a letter) I finally made my way to the kiosk.

“What do you need to mail?” it asked

All I need is a stamp, so I pick “First Class Letter”.

“What kind of letter are you sending?”

Well this was a confusing question.  I had previously selected first class letter, so why does it need this additional information?  After all, all I want is a stamp.  Have I mentioned that?  Anyway, not really knowing what to tell it, I picked “Bendable rectangle” or somesuch.

“Do you want confirmation on receipt of this letter?”

“NO!  I Just want a fucking stamp!”

“You have selected a first class stamp for $0.64.  The minimum charge to your card is $1.00.  Would you like an additional stamp for $0.46?

“YES!!!! Please give me my fucking stamp?”

“Please confirm you purchase.”

“YES!!!! For fuck sake.”

Then, after about 20 seconds of whirling and clicking, two stamps emerged.  My long nightmare at the Lakewood Post Office was over.  It only cost me $1 and about 10 minutes of my life for a stamp.

Thank US Postal Service.

Paleo Resources

unfrozen caveman lawyerSince Pokey requested postings about Paleo I figured I would start with my favorite resources I use to guide my way through my new lifestyle (I hate that word.  Please someone come up with a better term for this.)

Books

Although not technically a book about Paleo, the great Gary Taubes’ Good Calories, Bad Calorieis my number one scientific resource that, at least in my mind, lays out the story of how bad science has led to our current obesity epidemic through the government’s decree that we all eat low-fat/high-carb. 

For a good foundation in Paleo (or Primal, if you will), Mark Sisson’s The Primal Blueprint not only gives you the information to correct the damage Neolithic foods have done to you, but also contains the philosophy of 80/20.  This is, paleo/primal is not a religion in which we must do penance because a molecule of fructose/gluten/omega-6 fatty acid may have snuck into our bloodstream.  We live in the real world with real world problems and sometimes you really need some ice cream.  Just don’t do it every day or even every week.  But mostly, just don’t sweat it.  In other words, do the best you can most of the time and you won’t end up looking like Phatty McFaterson.

Blogs

Unfortunately, my two favorite bloggers are experiencing a bit of bloggers block and haven’t posted much if at all recently.  The Archevore is my favorite scientific paleo blog.  It is here that I Dr. Kurt Harris has simplified Paleo (what he calls the Archivore Diet) approach of avoiding/eliminating the three horsemen that cause the disease of civilization – grains, seed oils and fructose.

For a more in-your-face form of paleo, I turn to Free The Animal.  Richard Nickoley’s uses his blog to promote the paleo lifestyle that often criticizes the stupidity of veganism as well as the more religious aspects of paleo conformity.

Podcasts

I’m now down to just one paleo podcast a week, Angelo Coppola’s  Latest in Paleo.  It’s a very well done recap in all things healthy food/lifestyle related.  My favorite thing about the podcast is it’s motto, “Human beings are not broken by default.”

I did, for a time, listen to Robb Wolf’s Paleo Solution podcast.  This is a question/answer style podcast and after a while, you can pretty much answer the questions yourself. 

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Summer of Steve

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Once again I find myself free from employment and in a mental state that I’m not that interested in perusing employment any time soon.  With the exception of a two week trip to Germany and other parts of Euroland at the beginning of September, I have no definitive plans for the rest of the summer.

Therefore I seek the advise of the one or two of you who read this crap.  What should I do the the next six weeks?  Specifically I’m looking for blog worthy activities.  The goal being that for the next 8 weeks, blogging will be my job. 

Here’s how it will work.  You give me something worth blogging about.  This attracts even more readers. And everyone buys stuff from Amazon through my website.  The more stuff that is purchased the more money I make the more time I can spend blogging.  It’s truly perpetual motion machine that is kicked off by your great ideas.

What’s worth purchasing on Amazon?  How about the latest in George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones series.

or maybe you need to catch up on Breaking Bad?

Sure this all sounds like I’m whoring myself out to Amazon.  But if this can stave off real employment by just week, won’t it be worth it?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Live Blogging the Women’s World Cup Finals: USA vs Japan

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First Half
Pregame   I'm unsure as how to promote this game.  Is it Japan taking revenger for Hiroshima or is it the USA taking revenge for Godzilla vs Mothra?
Pregame   Just a reminder.  Say no to racism.  It's just not cool according to my soccer goddesses.
Pregame   Oh, and play fair.  Unless it's faking a foul or kicking your opponent in the tits when the ref isn't looking.
0"   USA!
0"   Wow.  Moving Cheney up already pays off with a scoring chance leading to a corner.
7"   I'm quickly realizing that my lack of soccer knowledge is leaving me with not much to say.  When I can, I make up for that with snark.
8"   Beautiful pass from Rapinoe to Cheney.  And, as with most soccer plays, it ends in no score at all.
10"   Passing the ball back and forth, Japan seems content with taking a nil nil tie into the half with 35 minutes left.
11"   Ugh.  Cheney to Rapinoe also results in a wide shot. 
15"   Happy Birthday Chancellor Merkin.
17"   Our shots are getting closer to the goal.  At least we hit a post.
24"   Corner kick by Cheney.  Nothing.
28"   WHAT!??  Another post hit.  How many posts equals a goal?    USA up 10-2 on shots.  Can we skip the PKs and just win on penetrations.
30"   Yikes!  Good save by Solo
34"   Another missed opportunity with the Cheney header.
36"   A good thing about soccer.  No awful Dr Pepper commercials with Fergie.
37"   A bad thing about soccer.  No awesome Southwest Airlines commercials.
40"   Is this the happiest referee of any sport ever?
45"   nil to nil.  Isn't this how soccer is supposed to go?

 

 
Second Half
     
45"   My personal favorite player, Alex Morgan, is now in for the injured Cheney.
48"   JFC!!!!  Another fucking post, this time by Morgan.
54"   Is that a hot pink sports bra under Alex's jersey?
60"   I was pretty sure I was "ice-cream headached" out with the Mavs playoff run.  Apparently not.
63"   Offsides call goes for USA.  Finally the offsides rule works in my favor.
63"   Great save by that Korean boy in goal.
68"   GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!! U S A!!!  A breakaway goal by Morgan from Ropinoe.  1-nil  USA
70"   Shouldn't Alex have "Brandie Chastained" for us after that goal?  I mean really!
79"   Just a reminder to please be sure to visit Amazon from the links provided to buy your commerative World Cup memorobilia.
80"   Goal.  Japan.  What the fuck just happened there?  1-1
83"   Ian Darke on Carly Lloyds long run and subsequent missed shot "Disappointing in the end really"  Which translates from classy Englisth to American English as "That sucked!"
90" + 2   1-1.   Oh, joy.  Extra time.
Extra Time

 

90"   Oh, boy.  Here we go.  Another 30+ minutes of tummyache and clenched anoose.
91"   Wambach with the header, nice save and holding on to ball.  Abbey was there for any rebound.
95"   Another nice ball to Mornan.  But she couldn't finish this time.
96"   Miama with a yellow card.  Which seems kinda racialist to me.
100"   One hundred minutes.  Make it end.  Please, sweet, clean little 8lb 5oz little baby jebus.  No PKs.
103"   GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! U S A!!!  Wambach with the header from Morgan with a pass almost as beautiful as herself.  2-1 USA!
105"   End of the first Extra Time period.  2-1 USA
106"   Ewe Es Eh!  Ewe Es Eh!
108"   JFC!!! Learn to clear the ball out of the box!!!
111"   JFC!!! Learn to clear the ball out of the box!!!
113"   Heath for Rapinoe.  The USA side just got a little hotter.
114"   Hey, Heath, keep the ball.  Two possessions and two turnovers.
114"   Great save by Rampone.
115"   Solo injured.  Oh dear.  Just looks like cramping.
116"   Goal Japan.  Sawa on a corner kick.  2-2
120"   Japan player (I swear they never said or showed a graphic.  Thanks ESPN) with a red card denying Morgan a scoring oppurtuity
120" + 2   Game Over 2-2 .  On to the hated PKs
     
US1   Boxx saved by goalkeeper.  0-0
Japan 1   Miama scored.   1-0 Japan
US2   Lloyd whiffs over the net.  1-0 Japan
Japan 2   Nagasato saved by Solo.  1-0 Japan
US 3   Heath saved again by the goalkeeper.  1-0 Japan.  Oh dear.
Japan 3   Sakanugi scored.  2-0 Japan.   This isn't looking good.
US 4   Wambach scored 2-1 Japan.
Japan 4   For the win.  Kumigai scores.  Japan wins on PKs

Well that sucked.  Congrats to Japan, but I don’t remember US getting to win anything after Katrina.

Please stay tuned for my live blogging of Texas at Seattle.

After 5, the Rangers lead 3-0.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

On Blogging

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Sometimes writing is difficult.  Sometimes writing is like pounding a brick wall with a ball-peen hammer in the hope that the barricade will evolve into a revolving door.  Sometimes writing is like talking to a stranger who’s exactly like yourself in every possible way, only to realize that this stranger is boring as shit.

-- Chuck Klosterman
Eating the Dinosaur

 

Yet another case of bloggers block has afflicted me for much of the past few months.  Nothing particularly interesting has been going on in my life.  And the one thing that does interest me, my new paleo lifestyle, I think would bore whatever readers I may have left.  Plus, I don’t want this to become yet another paleo blog preaching to the choir about eliminating grains, seed oils and fructose from your diet.  Seriously, once you’ve said that, there’s nothing much to blog about.

And then there’s this quote:

The thing to do when you burn out blogging what you usually blog about is not to quit, but blog about what's making you happy at the moment. Been doing it since 2003.

You'll loose some readers.

...And? Fuck 'em.

Richard Nikoley
FreeTheAnimal.com

 

So maybe I will blog about paleo when something of interest pops up. But in the mean-time, I will probably be sharing my adventure into the exciting world of  charcutarie.

I’m sorry this wasn’t very funny.  In fact there was no humor in it at all.  But sometimes the blog is more cathartic than comedic.

Go Rangers!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Delayed Blogging: Dallas Homegrown Music and Art Festival

As I'll elaborate in a future blog item, it's not always easy to crap out blogs. Even if it's just pictures. Please to enjoy downtown Dallas, Slobberbone and the Homegrown Music and Arts Festival from back in May.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Eating Garland: Meshack’s Bar-Be-Que Shack

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I have yet to make my way to the Dallas Farmer’s Market and tried Pecan Lodge (maybe next week, Trent?) I can conditionally say that Meshack’s is the best BBQ in Dallas County.

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As you can see, the place is literally a shack.

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Not being a very good food blogger, I didn’t take enough pictures of the goods.  But I did get a picture of the best item on the menu, the sausage.  Flavorful and juicy with an abundance of fat, this may be the best bbq sausage I’ve had.  The brisket was also beautifully smoked and moist (sorry, I know people hate that word.  buy me a thesaurus and I’ll stop using it). 

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The ribs were good but the didn’t grab me like the sausage and brisket did.  I will give them another chance to wow on my next trip.

Be warned, they don’t take credit cards.  So bring cash.

A+ on sausage
A on brisket
B on ribs.
Overall A

240 E. Ave. B Garland, TX 75040
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