Obligatory Snow Day Pictures

After crawling out of our bunker this morning, Zoë and I walked around the neighborhood to assess the damage and poop on some snow.  I had gone earlier, so only Zoë made with the poopings.

Eating Lakewood: Mi Cocina

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written a restaurant review.  It had become tiresome to dote over my new favorite restaurant* and how I had just had the most amazing sploogetastic meal in the history of taste buds.  And mediocre restaurants just aren’t that fun to write about.  So it’s really only enjoyable now to write restaurant reviews where I get to vent some serious spleen.

So guess where this is going.

I had not been to a Mi Cocina since early in my return to the Dallas area, some 70 years ago.  I was not impress and did not return.  The food was meh and their “award winning” margaritas tasted of Sweet Tarts.  But they recently remodeled the space that Matt’s used to be and are now a fixture of my beloved Lakewood.  So let’s give them a try, I thought.

The evening started off well.  I ordered my now usual Mexican meal of “paleo fajitas” – no rice, beans, tortillas but lots of guac and my dinner companion, who in order to maintain her anonymity will be referred from here on as “Mayor LaCheese”, ordered the shrimp tacos.

So far so good.  Everything was fine; nothing spectacular.  And then Mayor LaCheese looked into her third and final taco.

“What the fuck is this!!!”, she yelled.**

So I examined her taco*** and replied that I thought they had sent her a brisket taco with a couple of shrimps.

We called over the waiter and he was most apologetic and would have that taco replaced immediately.
OK.  I know you’re wondering.  This really isn’t much of a story so far.  It’s just cheap excuse to make an even cheaper vagina***** joke.  But we are getting to the punch line of this story.  I really wish you would be more patient and wait until the end to gripe about my presentation.

The manager came over and asked, “Was there a problem with your meal?”
After the Mayor retold the tale of the taco, the manager replied,”Well the chef assured me that that was a shrimp taco.”

Oh, well that settles it then.  The chef assured you.  Well I guess we’re making this up.  You’ve figured us out.  We are an international gang of shrimp taco grifters.  We go into unsuspecting Mexican restaurants across the country, order shrimp tacos, pour slow roasted brisket on the third taco, ask for a replacement taco, sit back and watch the millions of dollars roll into our Swiss bank accounts.

We’re lucky he didn’t call Interpol on us.

She did get her replacement taco (CHA-CHING!!!!) but there’s no telling how much loogie and semen was vigorously placed in said taco******.

Well that would have been the end of this story except when we got the bill and saw this line item.

Sng Taco $3.25

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!  Do you know who the fuck I am??  I’m fucking King Wally, noted food blogger of The Summer of Steve.  Please don’t worry so much about that confusing name situation.  But I am a noted food blogger and all I have to do is say the word and virtually no one from Dusseldorf will ever eat here!!”, would have been fun to yell in the restaurant.  But we just called the waiter over and had him take the charge off. 

He told us that, inexplicably*******, the manager added the charge  Man, the manager really was on to us.  I guess we’ll have to take our shrimp taco long con out of Lakewood now.
 
* That reminds me.  I need to get the reviews of Chicken Scratch and Acme F&B out soon.
** Mayor LaCheese doesn’t really have that much of a potty-mouth, but it’s a better story this way.
*** I did not write this story to use that line****
**** As far as you know.
***** Editors Note:  There’s no such thing as cheap vagina.
****** A joke I so wanted to make at the dinner table, but, hey, I’m a gentleman.
******* Of course he didn't really say "inexplicably" since he's a waiter in a Mexican restaurant. And that's not racist since the waiter was a white kid.

Taking the Service out of Postal Service

Due to a strange confluence of occurrences, I’ve had to mail three items in 2011.  And I mean actual mail, like from the guy that comes to your house every day and gives you useless advertising inserts and credit card offers.  This probably nearly doubles my postal missives for the 21 century.

On my first trip to the post office I needed to send a letter and, having not sent a letter since the first Bush was president, I had no stamps and would require procuring proper postage (that, boys and girls, is called alliteration, so suck it).  I went to my usual post office at Belmont and Greenville and searched for the stamp machine. I don’t think I’m retarded, but I could not find a one.  Giving up on my search, I then proceeded to the counter.  Surprisingly for a quasi-governmental office,  there was very little wait.

“Where did the stamp machines go?”, I asked.

“I don’t know.  They just took them out a little while ago.  No one knows why.”, the postal clerk replied.

Asking for and receiving my postage, I was on my way.

On my second trip, I knew the drill, and headed straight for clerk.  This time there wasn’t another soul in line.  Which is surprising because of all the ruckus when it was suggested recently that this post office be closed to curb costs. If you’re going to bitch about the gumming closing your favorite post office, shouldn’t you swing by every day for a stamp just so the place looks busy?

Today I once again needed to make a quick (let me be clear about the quick par, I just needed a stamp) stop at the post office.  Although my previous experiences at my ZIP’s post office had been pleasant, I was on my way to the Whole Foods in Lakewood and figured I would check that one out.  Maybe the high-toned denizens of Lakewood would insist on a stamp machine.

I was correct, sort of.

Instead of a simple stamp machine, which I believe at least 90% of the people needing something from the post office would find satisfactory, I was confronted with an automated postal kiosk.  And, of course, there was a line.  Regrettably it was a shorter line than the one leading to an actual living clerk.

So, after what seemed to be a good five minutes (remember I just want a stamp for a letter) I finally made my way to the kiosk.

“What do you need to mail?” it asked

All I need is a stamp, so I pick “First Class Letter”.

“What kind of letter are you sending?”

Well this was a confusing question.  I had previously selected first class letter, so why does it need this additional information?  After all, all I want is a stamp.  Have I mentioned that?  Anyway, not really knowing what to tell it, I picked “Bendable rectangle” or somesuch.

“Do you want confirmation on receipt of this letter?”

“NO!  I Just want a fucking stamp!”

“You have selected a first class stamp for $0.64.  The minimum charge to your card is $1.00.  Would you like an additional stamp for $0.46?

“YES!!!! Please give me my fucking stamp?”

“Please confirm you purchase.”

“YES!!!! For fuck sake.”

Then, after about 20 seconds of whirling and clicking, two stamps emerged.  My long nightmare at the Lakewood Post Office was over.  It only cost me $1 and about 10 minutes of my life for a stamp.

Thank US Postal Service.

Lakewood Winter Wonderland 2011

Lakewood Winter VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Last Week's Storms Continue to Take Their Toll

I'm sitting at home, mostly minding my own business, when I hear some rustling outside my front door. I assume it's the UPS guys dropping off a package. Although, for the life of me I couldn't remember ordering anything.

Ususally when the UPS guy drops something off, I hear some rustling, he rings the bell and knocks a few times and then drives off.

But this time no ring, no knock -- just rustling.

So I opened my front door to see what my early onset alzheimers has cased me to treat this unknown package like Christmas day, when I see this:



Not to worry. The tree trunk is not about to crush my neighbor.

Her reaction to this the fallen tree pretty much says it all, "What the fuck!?!?!"

File Under: Stuff That Was A Big Part of My Life in the Early Oughts That We Can Say Goodbye To This Week If We Still Cared

It turns out no one wants to pay $6.50 for a Guinness and



Greggo is back on VigorFit.











I read the Dallas' snarky blogs, so you don't have to.

And I agree 100% with Eric Celeste.

Eating Lakewood: Ali Baba

This is going to be a tough review. In fact, I am pretty much forcing myself to review Ali Baba.

Ok. I admit it. I like to write two types of reviews. I like to either verbally fellate a restaurant for how metaphysically perfect the food is. Or I like to tear a restaurant a third bunghole.

Unfortunately for me, Ali Baba had no discernable flaws. It’s walk able from my house. We got a huge amount of food for a reasonable price and it was all tasty.

Fuckers! I’ve got nothing to bitch about. The staff wasn’t even rude as we stayed well past when they would normally have closed on a weekday night.

If you’re interested we ordered the appetizer sampler, the falafel plate and the grilled lamb plate. All met or exceeded expectations. Although in retrospect, we really didn’t need the sampler since the falafel came with a generous amount of the delicious hummus. One standout was their rice that came with the lamb. Theses long grains of perfection are literally drenched in butter. Since this is Mediterranean food, it must be healthy, right?

OK. I do have one complaint. This place has a lunch buffet and they weren’t open when I was laid off.

How dare they!

A


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Eating Lakewood: The Dixie House

I seriously haven't had chicken fried steak in years. And upon reviewing AllGood yesterday, I wanted to gauge how good the AllGood was. As I stated in my review, one of my favorite CFS places of all time is The Blackeyed Pea. Yeah, it's a chain. So I can't go there. Instead I went to the Pea's half-sister The Dixie House.

The interior does remind one of an old country restaurant. It has that old wood building smell that makes you feel like this place has been there for a long time. And the place was relatively packed for the late lunch time frame I visited.

To properly compare I ordered the same thing CFS with mashed potatoes and green beans. I even forgot to order the gravy on the side again. I'm dumb.

The mashed potatoes were good but not fantastic. While clearly "homemade" they lacked the garlicky goodness of AllGood. And, yes, the green beans were mushy. Also, the meal comes with jalapeno cornbread and yeast rolls. These were a delight. Although the cornbread could have had more jalapenos.

So, how was the CFS? It was good and it was big. Nearly twice as big as the steak at AllGood. But there was way too much coating. And in places it was almost cakey. Where the coating was manageable, the steak was good. However I definitely felt like I had had chicken fried steak once I was finished.

I didn't leave the Dixie House excited to return for it's other offerings. So I may be grading a little more harshly. But it's my blog. If you don't like it get your own fucking blog.

I'm sorry baby. I don't know what got into me. I guess it's all the grease coursing through my growingly clogged arteries. Forgive me?

B-

6400 Gaston Dallas, TX 75214

Root Canal

One of the things that I've been putting off during my vacation is the replacement of my one and only crown. Just before I got laid off -- well maybe a bit longer than that even -- I was stupidly eating some toffee and my crown got pulled out. There was no pain and it didn't bother me. So I thought I would wait until I had the time to get it fixed. Well, after almost a month of laidoffedness, I finally made my way to my new dentist at The Dental Center of Lakewood. And after a quick xray I was presented with the great news that I needed a root canal before the crown could be replaced.

It wasn't as bad/painful as countless sitcoms have made me believe. The worst part was the smell emitted by the drilling. Clearly the Great Maker did not even consider major dentistry when she put the nose right above the mouth. Still, it was no walk in Tietze park. The best part was that there was no waiting. They just opened the week before. So, if you live in Lakewood and need a dentist and don't like to wait, give these guys a try.

Eating Lakewood: IHOP

This is the first in a series of reviews of places to have breakfast in Lakewood and the vicinity. Over the next few weeks I'll hit Goldrush Cafe, John's, Legal Grounds and the Corner Market. If there is some place in the Lakewood area that serves breakfast, let me know.

So, you may be wondering, why IHOP? Well there are several reasons 1) It is a baseline of sorts for breakfast -- generic corporate coffee shop food. 2) As a child, it was always a treat to go to IHOP on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Is it still a treat??? 3) I had to go to PrimaCare this morning and IHOP is right across the street. So, really, #3 is the prevailing reason. But we had to start somewhere.

Is it still a treat, I asked above. Uhm, well, not so much. I love French Toast, so I went with their Vive Le French Toast combo platter. This comes with an egg (scrambled) and bacon (mmmmmmmm bacon).

The french toast was fairly flavorless. With only a light dusting of powdered sugar, I had to apply the "maple" syrup to get some flavor. I'm not a fan of syrup on french toast, so this is a last resort. The scrambled egg was slightly above room temperature and pretty much tasted like a scrambled egg. The bacon was crisp and perfectly smokey. It was definitely the highlight of the breakfast.

Let's now talk coffee. Starbuck's has raised the bar on what passes for coffee these days. Everyone is offering better coffee. McDonalds, Dunkin Donuts, 7-11 all are positioning themselves as having superior coffee. And I get the impression that many places think that good coffee equals roasting the bejesus out of the beans. At least that's what the coffee at IHOP tasted like. There was no subtlety, just a strong almost overroasted taste. The coffee was ok. But I'll stick with m k-cups.

Overall, this is food best eaten at 2:30am after a long night of drinking. But Cuquita's is not that far away. So, go there instead.

C-