Blu-Ray Review: Adventureland

No one ever wins a giant-ass panda.

Synopsis	Summer in 1987 Pittsburg never looked so much fun. After a family financial crisis, James (Jesse Eisenberg of Zombieland) must get a job at Adventureland where he meets Em, a pre-Twilight Kristen Stewart.  Hilarity and heartache ensue.
What I Liked	Two words:  Husker Du.  Early on, Em pops a tape in her car and it plays my favorite Du song, Don’t Want to Know If You Are Lonely.  The music over all is very good, focusing mostly on the emerging alt-rock of the mid to late 80s while mocking the MTV songs most 80s nostalgia movies wallow in. Kristen Stewart – she’s real nice to look at. 80’s Nostalgia – I’m not gonna lie to you, I love the 80s.  Of all the decades I’ve experienced, it’s my favorite of the 20th Century. Evoking the motifs of the great 80’s teen movies, particularly The Last American Virgin, The Sure Thing and Secret Admirer.
What I Disliked	Kristen Stewart – I’m not convinced she’s a very good actress.  Her emotional range seems to span having just awakened from a long sleep and having just awaked from a nap.   I also couldn’t quite figure out why her character behaved in the destructive manner she did. Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig – These are my two favorite performers on the current cast of SNL.  But for some reason they have to be in every “funny” movie these days.  And every time they show up on the screen I’m immediately taken out the 1987 moment.   Also, they’re just not that funny in this movie.  Although Wiig did deliver my only laugh-out-loud of the film. Ryan Reynolds – why is he in this movie.  Why is he in any movie? Jesse Eisenberg – Nothing against this guy, he does a good job at what he does, but it’s obvious in the two movies I’ve seen of his that the following sentence was spoken in pre-production. “Michael Cera is unavailable at this time”.
Conclusion	An essential element of a teen comedy is that it be funny.  I mean it’s right there in the name of the genre.  In fact, it’s half of the genre’s name.  And while I found myself enjoying the movie, there just weren’t that many laughs.

• 0 breasts
• 0 beasts
• Scrotum-fu
• x-fu
• Acacademy award nomination to Kristin Stewart’s ridged white wife beater tshirt.

A very generous and nostalgic B-

King Wally says check it out

Netflix Review: Who's Your Daddy (2003)

OK. This was just terrible. I'm a bit embarrassed that I watched it. I was really hung over and had nothing else to watch. Honest!

This movie so wants to be American Pie. It couldn't get Eugene Levy, so it got Dave Thomas (not the Wendy's guy, who's dead) another SCTV alumnus.

This is the farcical tale of an adopted Ohio high school boy who finds out that his real parents have died and were the biggest smut peddlers of all the land. And he is now in charge of the smut empire, but his evil uncle is out to get him.

First off, if this is going to be a about porn, COULD WE HAVE SOME FUCKING NUDITY!!!!!!! Is that too much to ask??? Really?? We couldn't get half of Ali Landry's nipple??

• 4 breasts
• nerdy hot chick
• porn-mag-fu
• high-school-bully-fu

A horrible movie that only should be viewed if you cannot move off of the couch.

King Wally reluctantly says check it out.

D-