iPhone Picture of the Day

Redemption for the Doughy, Old, Bald White Guy

Celebration Beer

Stone Vertical Epic 08.08.08.

Take Dat Witchew!!!!!!!

Dirty facebookers enjoy this fine video here.

Do, Or Do Not, There is No Try

From a Sturm retweet from P1BradC.

Live Blogging Mavs @ Lakers: Game 1 NBA Western Conference Semi-Finals

Pregame:  I’m not really sure why I’m doing this or if I will do another game.  I don’t really like basketball and am barely a fan of the Mavericks.  Ideally, I would be live blogging game 2 of Stars/Sharks or some such. 

First Quarter

12:00  I love the classy old school team introductions.  Hey Cuban, take notes.  A basketball game doesn’t have to feel like you’re in the middle of a pinball machine.

10:46  With the Lakers scoring the first two points of the game the question has to be asked, is Marv Albert wearing a Teddy or a Camisole tonight?

9:03  JFC  how many steps does Gasol get to make???

6:02  TO  LA 12  DAL 8

5:56  Peja always makes me scared.  But he scored so I'm ok with him on the floor for now.

4:46  Pao Gasol is an All NBA first team dumb-face team member.

4:15 Peja doing what Peja do, three pointers.

3:55 And then blows the fast break layup.

3:00 Mavs take their first lead on a JET 3

2:30 Kidd misses a 3.  Let’s not fall in love with the long ball guys.

2:09 TO  DAL 21 LA 19

0:25  No more JJ 3s please.

End of the First Dallas 25  Los Angeles 23

Second Quarter

12;00  My pre-game notes show that Dirk was ecstatic about Pope John Paul II’s beatification this weekend.  Thus making this series a battle between the German Papist and the anal rapist.

10:30  The JET is on fire.

9:00   Too many 3 point attempts.

8:00 TO  DAL 32 LA 29

6:15 TO DAL 36 LA 33

6:15  I’m not gonna lie to you.  This is the part of the game that I usually nod off.  So I don’t know how much blogging I can get done napping.

5:08  Great defense by Chandler. 

5:07  Yeah, that’s all I got.  It’s looking less likely of another live playoff blog.

3:44  Jet causes the turnover but redeems with the fastbreak bucket over Kobe. 

3:42 TO DAL 40 LA 37

2:00 TO DAL 42 LA 41

0:01  How do you foul someone 70 feet from the basket? Huh, Jet?

End of Half  Los Angeles 53  Dallas 44

Third Quarter

12:00  I’m gonna call Secret Encounters.  There looks to be some hot chicas there that are into me.

11:35  Artest with the steal and score.  That’s not a good start to the half.

11:15  Another Mavericks miss.  What did Carlisle talk about in the locker-room?

10:40  Another steal.  Ugh.

10:37  TO  LA 60  DAL 44

9:32  Is this game still on?  I dozed off for a bit.

5:36  Lakers are looking very Mavs like by throwing up quick three attempts when ahead.

5:19  TO LA 64  DAL 61

5:19  Seeing those highlights of the last time these teams met in the playoffs, I wonder, will shorts ever be that short again?  I hope not.  That video look like what was playing at The Pony Bar.

End of the Third  Los Angeles 78  Dallas 71

Fourth Quarter

9:04  A barrage of Mavericks threes had brought them to within one.

8:46  TO LA 80  DAL 79

8:46  I really should be more excited.  But how can I get my head in the game when the Rangers are blowing games with their makeshift 40yo closers.

6:38  TO LA 86  DAL 83

5:05  TO LA 90 DAL 85

5:05 Sorry once again for the bloggin fail.  I tried to do something new and it just didn’t work out for me.

2:12 TO LA 92 DAL 89

2:12 I’ve never felt the Mavs could win this game.  Even when they were ahead, I knew there would be a Lakers run.  That’s what passes for my basketball analysis.  I got nothing.

0:20  LA 94  DAL 93

0:19  Dirks free throws give the Mavs a one point lead.  Stop Kobe and win the game, guys.

0:19  DAL 95  LA 94

0:03  Are you fucking me??  Kidd with the steal.  Going to the line and miss the first.  Oh dear.

0:03  DAL 96  LA 94

Final

I dunno how they did it.  But the Mavericks win.  Theeeeeeeeee Mavericks Win.

Dallas 96  Los Angeles 94

My Evening With Mark Cuban

Sometimes it becomes clear why I keep The Jester around. Last week (ok, it was actually more than two weeks ago. I’ve had a hard time finishing this posting as you’ll notice when it kind of ends abruptly) he was spiffed with his employer’s Mavericks tickets. These were some nice mid-lower bowl seats all by themselves. But soon after arriving an old Frat buddy of The Jester’s, who works for the Mavs, supersizes two of the four tickets our group had. How superersized? Well one of the tix was right behind Mark Cuban and the other was back and to the left of Cuban – usually not a good position in Dallas.

Sidebar -- I go to a lot of Stars games, but only one or two Mavs games a year. And it never fails to fascinate me how much different the crowds are. There is the obvious difference. The Stars’ crowd is quite a bit whiter than the Mavs’ crowd. Shit, the Stars’ crowd is quite a bit whiter than America in general. And, although I’m not in possession of the paperwork to prove it, the women that go to Mavs games are at least half the size of the women that go to Stars games. But, to be fair, those old school Darian Hatcher sweaters aren’t very flattering.

OK, back to the Mavs. Since there were only two tickets behind Cuban and four of us, we took shifts. Alex (not my dog) and Crutch took the first half and The Jester and I took the second half.

This is the third time I’ve watched a game from the floor – but the first time in the regular season. It’s very cool and I highly recommend it. So if you have a few thousand dollars laying about, burning a hole in your mattress, do it.

While I enjoyed the Mavs when they were on their big playoff runs, I am not what one would call a fan of basketball. In fact, of the four major sports it ranks fifth. But sitting on the floor and watching these goliaths perform just feet from you is, in one overused word, AWESOME. Except that I could not help but notice that filthy rich much have much smaller asses than the average Joe. There just isn’t that much room for a plus-sized dude like me.

But the highlight of the night, and the reason you’ve probably suffered through the first half of this post, was getting to witness the genius of Mark Cuban. Admittedly, I’m a fan of Mark Cuban. If we had more guys like him in the world, I truly think the world would be a much better place. He demands excellence from everyone around him and is constantly striving to improvements in his surroundings. We need more of this in this country. Although, I only demand mediocrity from myself.

But I would dread ever having to work for him – directly or indirectly. It’s not just a myth; he really is on the refs the whole game. The Clippers were shooting at our end. And any time they had the ball, he’s yelling “Three seconds. Three seconds” for the entirety of their possession. There was also a young referee officiating this game. On one particularly dubious call, he yelled out to the crew chief, “Hey, you can override him when he’s wrong.”

Cuban is also hyper vigilant – acutely aware of everything that’s going on around him. During one stoppage of play, a slower, quieter song got played that did not quite fit into the standard continuous cacophony of sound that is a Mavericks game. So Cuban jumps out of his seat and begins yelling at someone at the scorer’s table.

But my favorite moment happened after Brandon Bass was fouled. On his way to the charity stripe, the sound guy plays the drop “I brought you this delicious bass”, from Napoleon Dynamite. Well this tickled Marked and he began laughing riotously. So then everyone around him had to start over-laughing as well – including me.

So, in summary, Maverick’s games on the floor are good.

Well, Derek was There

Lunchtime brush with greatness. I spotted former Mavs great, Derek Harper, waiting for a salad, or perhaps a sangwich at Baker Bros. in Plano