Adorable Baby Harp Seal Picture of the Day

This one's for you, Lauren.

Ouch!!

There must be something about unemployment or the prospect of unemployment that causes me to try to accidentally kill myself. I did it once before, and yesterday I tried to do it again.

It was a very windy day yesterday. Ordinarily that would be enough to keep me from biking. But, because I didn't bike the day before as I had planned, and it was supposed to rain all day today, I felt I had to fight through the wind and bike.
At the top of the White Rock Creek trail, where the trail winds around Anderson Bonner Park, the parks department are re-doing the path. So they have moved the path to the street and separated the path traffic from auto traffic with those same pylons they're using to separate the HOV lane on 75. Where auto traffic needs to turn into Anderson-Bonner parking there is a gap in the pylons and a pylon put in the center of the path to prevent cars from traveling into the bike path.

And that's where it all went bad.

As I mentioned, it was very windy. With a strong tail wind, I was going much faster than normal. Then, with a sudden gust of wind, I was thrown into that very center pylon that was supposed to protect me.

The next second slowed down remarkably. My first thought was that I could steer out of it. I hit rocks and other objects in the road all the time and am always able to work my way out of danger. But then I realize I'm going too fast and my correction is making it worse. I brace myself for impact and try to position myself so I land on my ample soft ass.

I hit the ground and immediately pop up only to collapse in the nearby grassy area. I had the wind knocked out of me and was starting to panic. A couple of soccer players came to help and began picking up my belongings that were now scattered about the path. Once my breathing normalized I thanked them.

Here's where I may have made a mistake. Since I'm a super macho guy, I decided to ride home rather than call for help from The Jester or someone else close that could accommodate a bike in their automobile.

So facing a strong southerly wind and pain up and down my left side, I headed home. It took nearly two hours. I'm not that bright.

But I am alive. And feeling slightly better. But I have some nice strawberries up and down my left side. Buy me a beer and I'll show them to you.

Or not.

Become an April Fool

From the Dallas Observer


You've dreamed for years of taking off work, jetting to Wilmington and spending a few days downing the great beers of Delaware. Well, Flying Saucer Draught Emporium saves you the trouble.
On April 1--yes, April 1, a day when everyone suspects some sort of double-cross--Flying Saucer's Montfort location hosts Claus Hagelman of the state's Dogfish Head Craft Brewery. He will present a vertical tasting of four labels: 2009 and 2006 Fort, Immort Ale and 120 Minute IPA, along with the 2009 and 2005 Burton Baton--all from Dogfish Head.
The "Off-Centered Beer Tasting Experience" (that's what they call it, thanks to the brand's unusual slogan), takes place April Fool's Day at 8 p.m. and costs $35 for UFO Club members and $40 for non-members. There's limited space, so reservations are required.
Beats a trip east.

I would disagree. A trip to Rehoboth is well worth it and not just for Dogfish Head.

2009: Week 11

This week can be summed up in two words:

THE END.

Not to worry, I'm not ending the blog. If anything, the blog will probably be seeing a lot more action.

But two of "my stories" had there series finales (THE END, if you will) this week -- Battlestar Galactica and The Flight of the Concords. Also, I was told that my stint with Beal Bank will be ending.

But when a door closes, others open. And if doors don't open for me. Well, at least beers will open.

I would also like to welcome the Facebookers that can now read my poorly worded missives since I've synched (sunched?) my blog up with Facebook. You can read all my ramblings here.

Highlights:
3) Discovering the soul-crushing dankness of Ships Lounge.
2) My first 30 mile ride up the White Rock Creek path of the Spring.
1) Drinking scotch and smoking cigars at BC & Barb's.


Vital Stats:

• 2 -- weeks I have left with Beal
• 20 -- beers tasted at Sigel's free beer tasting
• 11 -- "gilf hunter" searchers that found my blog. Down from 14 last week. I guess even gilf hunting has been effected by the economy.

Caption Contest

I'll get it started:




Worst remake of Sigmund and the Sea Monster Ever

The Spring of Steve

After weeks of practically doing nothing at work every day, the higher ups realized I was no longer needed and gave me the boot. To Beal's great credit, they are keeping me on for the next two weeks.

So let the Spring of Steve begin (in two weeks).

Your Daily Work Avoidance Activity: Mental Floss' Tournament of Genius

Ok. Maybe it's not daily, but I do what I can.

Which can be found here.

But seriously, Leibniz is a 16 seed, lower than Bill Fucking Simmons?!?!?!

Diving Dallas: Ships

If despondency and desolation had a smell, it would smell like Ships. This place make Moe’s look like Ghostbar.

And I love it.

It is rare when a dive bar can out dive the likes of The PastTime Tavern and Club Schmitz. Ships accomplishes this task and then some. I dub the The Taj Madive.

Ships has everything you want in a dive bar.

Very low ceilings.

A "United We Stand" banner above the bar that was hung in 2001 that now has a fine patina of cigarette smoke and despair.

There were 20 people in the bar, only 2 of whom were smoking and it was, by far, the smokiest bar of the night, Winedales included.

A juke box containing nothing before 1974.


This place is so smokey, a year after the smoking ban you will still smell like an ashtray vomited on you after you leave.

A+

1613 Greenville AveDallas, TX 75206


Please enjoy my map of Dallas Dives. I've only included those that I've been to. So Windmill and The Goat have not yet been added. But will be added soon, I hope.


View Larger Map

Stuff You Should Know: St. Patrick's Day Edition

Courtesy this article.

THE PERFECT POUR

Master brewer Fergal Murray of St. James's Gate brewery in Dublin describes the process of pouring the "perfect" Guinness pint. The pour should take 119.5 seconds.

1. The Glass Firmly grasp a clean, dry pint glass.

2. The 45-degree Angle Hold the glass at a 45-degree angle. Grab hold of the tap.
3. The Pour Pull the tap handle toward you in a smooth flow until fully open. Let the beer flow into the glass. You'll hear a constant hiss from the tap. When three-quarters full, straighten up the glass and slowly and smoothly stop the tap.
4. The Surge and Settle Set the glass down and allow the beer to settle.
Behold the cascading surge of bubbles as the nitrogen, lying dormant in the beer, come out of solution and forms a creamy head.
5. The Top Up Once the liquid has settled, take the glass and, holding it straight, push the tap away from you slightly. Take the creamy head to the brim and build a crown just over the top.
6. The Presentation & Savor (or, How to Drink a Perfect Pint of Guinness) Look to the horizon. Elbow up. Savor every sip.

2009: Week 10

Oh sweet Daylight Savings Time, welcome back to my life. With your arrival, my biking season has officially begun.

As a new feature this week I will enumerate the my best 3 things to happen this week. And it may be this week only depending on if there are even 3 top moments in a given week.

3) Learning that Lauren spent some of her time Googling "Gilf Hunter"
2) Meeting The Old 97s' Rhett Miller and having him compliment me on my glasses.
1) Hearing Flight of the Conchord's Hiphopopatamus being played at The Old Monk.



Vital Stats:

• 14 -- people who accessed my blog using the search term "gilf hunter"
• 2 -- pictures of his stream Matt sent me from the Old Monk bathroom.
• 1 -- thongs seen on St. Patrick's Day (observed) worn over the chick's tights.
• 20 -- dollars lost playing poker drunk on St. Pat's Day (observed)
  

Worst Person in the World

This week I had expressed doubts about continuing this blog and asked to hear from my readers so as to gauge my readership. With the help of copious reader comments and Google Analytics (now with 50% more anal), my blogging wienie has been re-invigorated.

Almost universally, my friends/readers have expressed their appreciation for my continued effort and enjoyed my renewed passion in finding flaws in all God's creations.

So, after taking a few days off from the blog in order to over consume adult beverages to celebrate an Irish holiday that is barely celebrated in Ireland on a day that is not the actual day of the holiday, I get the following IM from JT:

nice work blogging. is your invisible net ink proprietary?

Really? This is supposed to encourage me to continue this? If this thing feels like a job and I have deadlines based on some arbitrary JT timetables, I'll probably be less excited about watching a bad movie or even taking pictures of egrets and this thing gets shut down or it goes back to the pre-Analytics trickle (which, by the way, is curable with FloMax).

You're in Germany, for fuck sake. Don't you have better things to do on a Sunday then repeated check my blog? Isn't there a David Hasselhoff cover band to go see?

And this coming from someone whose own blog is so infrequently updated you have to put on a surgical mask before visiting it lest you choke to death from the dust and cobwebs there.

J.T. Richardson, today's worrrrrrsssssst peeeerrrrrrrsooooooon in the Woooooooooorrrrrrrld.