Sunday, January 1, 2012

Live Blogging NFL Week 17: Cowboys @ Giants

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This isn’t going to be pretty I fear.  And I mean both my live blogging, which I haven’t done in quite a while, and the Cowboys whose defense can’t stop any QB without a broken throwing arm.

 

First Quarter
14:55 So far so good.  No major fuckups on the kickoff return.
13:35 Ugh.  Dez misreads another pass.  If there’s a dumber player in the NFL it’s MartyB.
13:13 Apparently Darrell “DJ” “Moose" Johnston just walked into the building.
10:42 I’m already bored.  Even an episode of Dexter would be a relief.
10:29 Wow.  Cowboy’s D makes a play on 3rd and less than 1.
9:55 Dez muffs the punt.  Which is just about the funniest sentence in football.
9:48 Felix with the first down run for a first down.  Which is a decidedly an unfunny sentence.
8:45 It looks like Doug Free dropped his purse and was unable to block Pierre-Paul.
7:46 Awesome punt by Jones to pin Giants on their 4.
6:59 YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.  Make a fucking tackle TNew
4:57 TD Giants.  Cruz with the TD Reception.  Unbelievable.  TNew sucks.  This team does not deserve to go the playoffs with a starting DB of that caliber.
   
Dallas
NY
0
7
   
3:25 Romo sacked again.  Hey Kosier, if you’re standing around not blocking anyone, you might be a shitty offensive lineman.
2:54 Alan Ball, no doubt contemplating another horrible season of True Blood, can’t come up with the muffed punt.  That’s starting to be less funny.
1:05 Thomas with his third catch of the season.  Of course it was against TNew.  I’m beginging to think that I could get a couple of receptions if I lined up against him.  What?  Don’t laugh.  I’ve been working out.  Honest.
0:15 Ball in for TNew.  I’m not sure that’s too much of an improvement.
0:01 Pass Interference on Ball.  But at least he was in the same zip code as the receiver.
   
Dallas
NY
0
7
   

 

Second Quarter
13:27 TD Giants.  6 yard run by Bradshaw.  And another missed tackle by the Cowboys
   
Dallas
NY
00
14
   
12:40 Jones runs for a loss of 3.  The OLine is competing with the DBs for the worst area of the team.
11:55 OL in the lead with another sack of Romo.  Hey, guys,  the idea is to keep the guys in blue out of your backfield.
9:13 UNBELIEVABLE.  Three Cowboys could have recovered that fumble and it just bounces into Eli’s hands.
8:30 It’s a bad time to be a Dallas sports fan.  Mavericks lose big to Minn tonight.  At least the Stars are in first place in their division.  Go Stars!
7:29 Field goal by Giants is no good.  The comeback is on!!!!   I can’t even type that with a straight face.
7:15 Dez finally does something tonight besides look lost with an 11 yard catch.
7:15 It’s good see that Robert Downey Jr.  hasn’t sold out.
6:15 From @TweetGrubes -- Report: Justin Tuck leaves game with sprained taint.
5:00 Brilliant play by Romo except for the part where he threw the ball beyond the line of scrimmage
4:35 Another dumb penalty by Ball.
2:00 From @TweetGrubes -  Report: Alan Ball also leaves game with sprained taint.#onemoremakesitanepidemic
1:17 TNew with the whiiiiffff.
1:09 TD Giants.  Another missed tackle leads to a TD.
   
Dallas
NY
00
21
   
0:00 Bailey with a missed 51 yard FG
   
Dallas
NY
00
21
   

 

Third Quarter
15:00 Somebody had asparagus for dinner.
14:09 Dallas DBs look as lost as my carkeys last night.
11:55 Ball has an uncanny ability to miss making any kind of footbal play on the football field, as Eli steps up to avoid the sack.
4:28 TD Dallas.  Robinson with the reception.  94 yard drive.
   
Dallas
NY
07
21
   
6:30 The Dallas defensive front is getting less penetration than The Jester at a Girls With Low Self Esteem and Daddy Issues convention.
5:55 And as soon as I write that, the Cowboys finally sack Manning.
4:17 Has Austin been getting catching lessons from TO?
4:07 Ugh.  INT by Rolle .   Romo getting a bit too cute.  It hurts to miss that one.
4:07 Whitney is moving to Wednesdays??  WTF??  What am I supposed to do on Thursday nights now??
3:27 Is this game/season over yet?
2:33 Highlarryass.  Cowboys recover a fumble negated by an offsides.
2:23 Dallas with a huuuuge stop on 4th down.  Lee with the big hit.
0:41 Witten is such a baddass.  I love it when he barrels over DBs for extra yardage.
   
Dallas
NY
07
21
   

 

Fourth Quarter
13:56 Jason Garret once again shows his football acumen with his calling of a QB sneak on fourth down with a QB with a very sore hand.  Just because you went to Princeton doesn't mean you're smart.  It is, afterall, the Ivy League school in New Jersey.
13:05 Whoa!  TNew acts like a tackler and not a hurdle for once.
10:15 TD Cowboys!!  6 yard reception by Robinson.  How is this even happening?
   
Dallas
NY
14
21
   
10:08 Hey!  There's a Shameless marathon on Showtime!   I think I'll switch over.
10:04 Ratliff channels Mutumbo and rejects the Manning pass to half court.
9:04 HOW DOES THAT FUCKING HAPPEN??  Cruz catches a 40 yard prayer from Manning.  And BTW, Cruz is eating your lunch all game and you have him one-on-one with Scandrick???
6:51 Ware finally with a meaningful fourth quarter sack.
5:55 This would be a good time for Coughlin to ice his kicker.
5:50 FG Giants.  That'll just about do it.
   
Dallas
NY
14
24
   
5:39 Oh, and let's not forget to congratulate Rob Ryan and his defense for once again spitting the bit when a much needed stop is, well, much needed very much.
5:29 Romo sacked for the fifth time.  So the OLine is doing their part to thwart the comeback.
5:03 Well that was a pathetic three-and-out.
3:46 TNew beat again. Nicks from Manning down to the Dallas 4.
3:46 TNew looks like he seriously pulled his taint on that play.  And may have to undergo season ending taint surgery.  Good think he made sure the season would end tonight.
3:41 TD Giants.  4 yard pass from Manning to Nicks.  Game Over.  Season Over.  Goodnight Everybody!
   
Dallas
NY
14
31
   
1:41 Romo fumbles forced by Tuck recovered by the Giants.  The game’s really over now.
   
Dallas
NY
14
31
  Final

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