If you're not watching Archer on FX, you're flirting with the Danger Zone!

Click on Archer’s face to enter The Danger Zone (soundboard).

Birthday Week Gift Idea #2

LG 84-Inch "Ultra-Definition" 3-D TV

Birthday Week Gift Suggestion #1

Starship Enterprise coffee table

Best Teeshirt Ever

Hat tip to the great @DanaJGould

2011 in Review: Top Ten Meals

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10	Ocean Prime (Dallas, TX) This may have been rated higher (or lower) if I could vividly remember this meal.  But I think it was pretty good.  Plus it introduced me to Penner Ash Pinot Noir.
9	Le Perraudin  (Paris, France) A traditional French meal in a traditional French restaurant.
8	Schweine Janes (Dusseldorf, Germany) Slow roasted pork sandwich.  What more do you need to know?
7	Preist Station Cafe (Groveland, CA) An absolutely gorgeous view of the sunset and cheap bottle of wine to go with some pretty good comfort food.
6	Restaurant in Beilstein Germany I went with the Schnitzel.  It was delicious.  Plus, there was the beautiful view of the Mosel.
5	Wayfare Tavern (San Francisco, CA) After a weekend out basking in the beauty of the Sierra Nevadas, could there be a better way to celebrate than putting Effingham Inlet oysters in your face?
4	Hotel Villa Melsheimer (Reil, Germany) This is more because this may be my favorite day of 2011.  And this is my favorite meal of my favorite day of 2011.  There was a meal earlier in the day (and referenced about) that was tastier.  But for the overall vibe of Zweibelkuchen and Federweisser and 40+ kilometers of biking, nothing could beat this.  And, yes, I still love you Amy.
3	Au Bon Bol (Brussels, Belgium) .Of all the great meal I had in Europe in 2011, this is the one I obsess on.  It could be because I hadn’t eaten, thanks to Lufthansa’s 24 hour Gander delay, a good meal in two days.  It could be because, thanks to paleo, I hadn’t eaten any noodles in over 6 months.  But whatever the reason, the artisan noodles with crispy duck were absolutely sublime.
2	Lucia (Oak Cliff, Texas) The first time I ate at what I now consider my favorite Dallas restaurant I felt like I was in Portland. That’s how good I think this place is.  It takes me to a much better place.   The second time I ate here I surpassed my first experience.  Eat everything here all the time always.
1	Elliot’s Oyster House (Seattle WA) It is impossible to consider any other meal in 2011 as better than this one.  It started off with a dozen pacific oysters, followed by geoduck, crab cakes, a giant serving of more crab and then another dozen pacific oysters.  And all of this on a dock overlooking Puget Sound and drinking a couple of bottles of a delightful Oregon Pinot Noir.

2011 in Review: Top Fifteen Pictures

In reviewing my 2011 pictures two things became obvious to me.  One, I need to take more pictures.  Even though I took almost twice as many pictures as the year before, that was mostly due to taking many more pictures at fewer “picture” opportunities. The second was that there was no obvious best picture of 2011.

In 2009 this was by far the best picture I took of an old couple in a café in Paris.:

In 2010 it was this self explanatory picture:

So, for 2011 I narrowed it down to these fifteen in no particular order.

Area Dog Possibly Possessed by a Vorlon

My Leader Is Making Me Watch Horrible Television Again

Once again Adam Carolla has signed on to do mind-numbing D-List celebrity reality show.  Four years ago it was Dancing with the Stars (as decried here)and now it’s Celebrity Apprentice.  As I prayed last time, please let him be the first voted off whore island.

I may have to seek out a new leader.

Yikes! I’m All of These

EcoSalon (I dunno. I’ve never heard of it either.  I followed a link from The Huffington Post) has this article:

FOODIE UNDERGROUND: THE 10 TYPES OF FOODIES (AND WHAT TO DO WITH THEM)

 

 

1. I Made It Myself – Check – I do love to cook..
2. The Organavore – Partial Check – I’ll do liver but other organs I haven’t the guts to eat so far.  Do you see what I did there?
3. The Europhile – Duh!
4. The One Upper – Maybe 
5. The Snob – I do love fine dining.
6. The Anti-snob – I do love a great dive.
7. The Avoider – Check – Thanks to paleo.
8. The Blogging Food Pornographer – I’ve done a little bit of food porn in college.
9. The Bacon Lover – Isn’t that everyone??
10. The DIYer -- Check, butter, beer, bread, mayo, salad dressing to name just a few of the common items I’ve made.  And I’m about to try yogurt and sour kraut.

2011 in Review: Top Five TV Shows

The Golden age of TV that was the Oughts is long gone.  Must See Tee Vee like Lost, The Shield, The Sopranos, Battlestar Galactica, Deadwood and The Wire are now just distant memories relived by Netfilx or HBO-Go streaming.  But there are still a few shows that demand my near immediate attention when they air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

5	Portlandia (IFC) A quirky sketch comedy about my beloved Portland makes the list by mocking my beloved Portland in a very quirky, comedic and beloved way.
4	The League (FX) Nick Kroll may be just about the funniest person on TV right now.  And The League may have had the funniest scene on TV in 2011 with Sarah Silverman and Jeff Goldblum demonstrating how they eat sorbet.
3	Homeland (Showtime) Essentially a smarter 24 with Clarie Danes being much hotter and crazier than Keifer Sutherland and Mandy Patakin playing the same role he’s played on Criminal Minds and Dead Like Me.
2	Archer (FX)  Holy shit snacks!!  This is such classic me putting a show like this this high on my list.
1	Breaking Bad (AMC) It’s the only show on this list that rises to the level and even surpases the shows listed in the introduction.  In my opinion, and that of Chuck Klosterman, it’s the best show ever.

Also receiving votes:  Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Children's Hospital, Community and Modern Family

Live Blogging NFL Week 17: Cowboys @ Giants

 
This isn’t going to be pretty I fear.  And I mean both my live blogging, which I haven’t done in quite a while, and the Cowboys whose defense can’t stop any QB without a broken throwing arm.

---

 

First Quarter

14:55	So far so good.  No major fuckups on the kickoff return.
13:35	Ugh.  Dez misreads another pass.  If there’s a dumber player in the NFL it’s MartyB.
13:13	Apparently Darrell “DJ” “Moose" Johnston just walked into the building.
10:42	I’m already bored.  Even an episode of Dexter would be a relief.
10:29	Wow.  Cowboy’s D makes a play on 3rd and less than 1.
9:55	Dez muffs the punt.  Which is just about the funniest sentence in football.
9:48	Felix with the first down run for a first down.  Which is a decidedly an unfunny sentence.
8:45	It looks like Doug Free dropped his purse and was unable to block Pierre-Paul.
7:46	Awesome punt by Jones to pin Giants on their 4.
6:59	YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.  Make a fucking tackle TNew
4:57	TD Giants.  Cruz with the TD Reception.  Unbelievable.  TNew sucks.  This team does not deserve to go the playoffs with a starting DB of that caliber.
Dallas NY	0 7
3:25	Romo sacked again.  Hey Kosier, if you’re standing around not blocking anyone, you might be a shitty offensive lineman.
2:54	Alan Ball, no doubt contemplating another horrible season of True Blood, can’t come up with the muffed punt.  That’s starting to be less funny.
1:05	Thomas with his third catch of the season.  Of course it was against TNew.  I’m beginging to think that I could get a couple of receptions if I lined up against him.  What?  Don’t laugh.  I’ve been working out.  Honest.
0:15	Ball in for TNew.  I’m not sure that’s too much of an improvement.
0:01	Pass Interference on Ball.  But at least he was in the same zip code as the receiver.
Dallas NY	0 7

 

Second Quarter

13:27	TD Giants.  6 yard run by Bradshaw.  And another missed tackle by the Cowboys
Dallas NY	00 14
12:40	Jones runs for a loss of 3.  The OLine is competing with the DBs for the worst area of the team.
11:55	OL in the lead with another sack of Romo.  Hey, guys,  the idea is to keep the guys in blue out of your backfield.
9:13	UNBELIEVABLE.  Three Cowboys could have recovered that fumble and it just bounces into Eli’s hands.
8:30	It’s a bad time to be a Dallas sports fan.  Mavericks lose big to Minn tonight.  At least the Stars are in first place in their division.  Go Stars!
7:29	Field goal by Giants is no good.  The comeback is on!!!!   I can’t even type that with a straight face.
7:15	Dez finally does something tonight besides look lost with an 11 yard catch.
7:15	It’s good see that Robert Downey Jr.  hasn’t sold out.
6:15	From @TweetGrubes -- Report: Justin Tuck leaves game with sprained taint.
5:00	Brilliant play by Romo except for the part where he threw the ball beyond the line of scrimmage
4:35	Another dumb penalty by Ball.
2:00	From @TweetGrubes -  Report: Alan Ball also leaves game with sprained taint.#onemoremakesitanepidemic
1:17	TNew with the whiiiiffff.
1:09	TD Giants.  Another missed tackle leads to a TD.
Dallas NY	00 21
0:00	Bailey with a missed 51 yard FG
Dallas NY	00 21

 

Third Quarter

15:00	Somebody had asparagus for dinner.
14:09	Dallas DBs look as lost as my carkeys last night.
11:55	Ball has an uncanny ability to miss making any kind of footbal play on the football field, as Eli steps up to avoid the sack.
4:28	TD Dallas.  Robinson with the reception.  94 yard drive.
Dallas NY	07 21
6:30	The Dallas defensive front is getting less penetration than The Jester at a Girls With Low Self Esteem and Daddy Issues convention.
5:55	And as soon as I write that, the Cowboys finally sack Manning.
4:17	Has Austin been getting catching lessons from TO?
4:07	Ugh.  INT by Rolle .   Romo getting a bit too cute.  It hurts to miss that one.
4:07	Whitney is moving to Wednesdays??  WTF??  What am I supposed to do on Thursday nights now??
3:27	Is this game/season over yet?
2:33	Highlarryass.  Cowboys recover a fumble negated by an offsides.
2:23	Dallas with a huuuuge stop on 4th down.  Lee with the big hit.
0:41	Witten is such a baddass.  I love it when he barrels over DBs for extra yardage.
Dallas NY	07 21

 

Fourth Quarter

13:56	Jason Garret once again shows his football acumen with his calling of a QB sneak on fourth down with a QB with a very sore hand.  Just because you went to Princeton doesn't mean you're smart.  It is, afterall, the Ivy League school in New Jersey.
13:05	Whoa!  TNew acts like a tackler and not a hurdle for once.
10:15	TD Cowboys!!  6 yard reception by Robinson.  How is this even happening?
Dallas NY	14 21
10:08	Hey!  There's a Shameless marathon on Showtime!   I think I'll switch over.
10:04	Ratliff channels Mutumbo and rejects the Manning pass to half court.
9:04	HOW DOES THAT FUCKING HAPPEN??  Cruz catches a 40 yard prayer from Manning.  And BTW, Cruz is eating your lunch all game and you have him one-on-one with Scandrick???
6:51	Ware finally with a meaningful fourth quarter sack.
5:55	This would be a good time for Coughlin to ice his kicker.
5:50	FG Giants.  That'll just about do it.
Dallas NY	14 24
5:39	Oh, and let's not forget to congratulate Rob Ryan and his defense for once again spitting the bit when a much needed stop is, well, much needed very much.
5:29	Romo sacked for the fifth time.  So the OLine is doing their part to thwart the comeback.
5:03	Well that was a pathetic three-and-out.
3:46	TNew beat again. Nicks from Manning down to the Dallas 4.
3:46	TNew looks like he seriously pulled his taint on that play.  And may have to undergo season ending taint surgery.  Good think he made sure the season would end tonight.
3:41	TD Giants.  4 yard pass from Manning to Nicks.  Game Over.  Season Over.  Goodnight Everybody!
Dallas NY	14 31
1:41	Romo fumbles forced by Tuck recovered by the Giants.  The game’s really over now.
Dallas NY	14 31
	Final

Neko Case Brings the Funny to 2012

Vermont resident, New Pornographers band member, Twitter savant and frequent participant in this blogger’s most deviant of fantasies, Neko Case has started out 2012 burning up Twitter with her comedy stylings.  Please to enjoy:

 

 

 

 

 

• 2011, you tried to be as shitty as 2010 and failed! Which makes you even more pathetic! Good riddance you soul sucking troll!
• ***all tweets represent the personal grievances and disappointments of miss case. Happy new year to the rest of you. Xo
• 2011.Feel like I just got out of the State Penn and now I'm gonna go hang at a random laundry mat. I have just enough cash to bleach myself.
• In other words, I was roughly finger-banged by the mayonnaise-y, frat-boy hands of 2011.
• Time to change out of this unflattering robe and into a animal print snuggie. 2012 is about comfort and embracing my "benign gender" status.
• My vagina is now the lint catcher in my dryer! #Genderbenign2012
• I was just kidding about my vagina! It's right over there in front of the fridge drinking milk straight out the carton!

 

Although the funniest Tweet of the day:

 

Scotty L. @MarylandMudflap -- Already broke my resolution: I killed a drifter.

2011 in Reivew: Top Five Movies

Seriously??  Do you even read this blog?  I don’t go to movies. They are terrible.  There’s only been a handful of good movies made since Fargo.  So I don’t waste my time with them anymore. And I would advise you to do the same.