Pregame: Nothing. I’ve fast forwarded to the beginning of the game.
Q1 15:00 – Fuck this there’s a Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations marathon on The Travel Channel.
Q1 14:54 – Your first false start of the playoffs brought to you by Kyle Kosier. Oh, and I hope everyone has their ticket to the Gun Show cause it’s an Ed Hercules officiated game.
Q1 14:10 – Whoa! Roy Williams makes a catch.
Q1 12:52 – MB3 gets stuffed again. He appears to have nothing this game. I can say this this early because I’ve seen the whole game and know he had nothing.
Q1 12:15 – Whoa! Roy Williams makes a second catch and then runs for a first down.
Q1 10:55 – I hate the Wildcat/Razorback. Even though, this time, it lead to a first down.
Q1 10:05 – Felix Jones has his playoff slippers on. His first great run (off a screen) of the game and a great job tippy toeing to stay in bounds for more yards.
Q1 8:22 – In retrospect, these Witten penalties could have cost the Cowboys this game. [oops, spoiler alert] This one cost the Cowboys a nice pass to Ogletree down to the Two.
Q1 8:02 – Sack. 3rd and 32. Yikes
Q1 7:45 – Incomplete. Now they have to punt. They went from being on the Two yard line to having to punt. Not a good start.
Q1 6:34 – Philly offense picks up where they left off last week with another three-and-out. How exactly is Andy Reid a genius??
Q1 6:10 – Felix Jones – BOOM. His first big true run of the game.
Q1 5:41 – Sack. It look like both Bennet and Witten misread the blitz and released early and then Colombo missed his man completely giving Romo no time to do anything but duck.
Q1 5:01 – MB3 with nothing. I didn’t really notice this on first viewing. But he really didn’t have anything and it makes sense now why we didn’t see anything of him in the second half. Oh, I mean, will see nothing of him in the second half.
Q1 3:42 – Nice punt coverage to down it at the 3 to give the Eagles another possession starting deep in their own territory.
Q1 3:02 – I hate this defenseless receiver penalty. Celek was falling forward awkwardly. Hamlin was not intentionally trying to hit him in the head. It was a good call, just a bad rule.
Q1 2:12 – Intentional Grounding. McNabb had nothing to throw to. Great coverage by Dallas.
Q1 1:25 – Oooooh. Creighton was a shoelace away from beating the punter and taking it to the house.
End Of 1st Quarter [Dallas 0 Philadelphia 0]
Q2 14:50 – Miles Austin make his first playoff play with a nice slant to convert the 3rd and 8 into a first down.
Q2 14:15 – Pass Interference. Cowboys at the 1 yard line. Interesting that the back judge looking right at the play didn’t throw the flag
Q2 14:10 - [Touchdown Phillips] Great play. Phillips fought his way open for the touchdown. Something that the very disappointing Marty B would not do. [Dal 7 Philly 0]
Q2 14:05 – More Ogletree please. He blew up Macho to give Philly another long field to start a possession.
Q2 13:10 - [Touchdown Maclin] Philly finally scores in the Death Star. Vick on the wildcat and buys time on the run fake and when Jenkins fell down Maclin is wide open for the 70+ yard catch and run touchdown. Well I guess it finally paid off for Philly to sign the human garbarge that is Michael Vick. He threw the only meaningful touchdown pass in a playoff game the Eagles will ultimately lose. Yeah, that seemed to work. Charma is a bitch, Philly. [Dal 7 Philly 7]
Q2 13:10 – This is probably the key play of the entire playoff run. If the Cowboys ultimately go on to the Superbowl, it will be Wade’s throwing of the red flag that overturned this interception that changed everything. The Eagles quickly scored to tie the game up and on the next play intercept Romo. But that gets overturned and the Cowboys go on to [spoiler] score 20 more points in the quarter and the game is over.
Q2 13:02 – Another nice run by Jones and then a facemask penalty on top.
Q2 11:47 – Creighton on the slant to pick up an important 3rd and long. He picks up where he left off last week as well.
Q2 10:13 – Whoa! Roy Williams makes a catch. Where the fuck was this the first 16 games of the season? Williams didn’t give up on the play and actually came back for the ball. Totally unlike anything he’s done all year. Good for him.
Q2: 9:30 – Witten down to the one. Seriously, this guy is a Jedi. He must whisper to the Eagle safeties “I am not the tightend you’re looking for.”
Q2 9:27 - [Touchdown Choice] No MB3 on a short yardage situation. Interesting. [Dal 14 Philly 7]
Q2 9:07 – Sensabaugh with dubious pass interference. He just got there a bit early. Is that so wrong??
Q2 8:26 – My man Jenkins breaks up the pass for the incompletion. This is notable because McNabb does a great job scrambling to extend the play. Usually by this time a DB will have lost his man – but not Jenkins.
Q2 8:16 – Sensabaugh makes up for his pass interference by tackling his man short of the first down. With the Dallas blitz, Sensabaugh had no help being one-on-one with his man. He had to make that play, or else!!!
Q2 7:27 – Huge mistake by Austin on an otherwise great play. He had blocking to his right from Williams, but inexplicably he goes left and gets tackled. It could have been an easy 6.
Q2 5:51 – Whoa! Roy Williams makes a catch. And this too was a great catch. It was quite a bit over his head, but he still came down with it. Since his rib injury, Williams has been reluctant to catch anything over his head.
Q2 4:24 – Whoa! Roy Williams makes a catch. Unfortunately he slips on his own shoelace and avoids an easy touchdown.
Q2 3:44 – It’s interesting that they went to Williams all three times once they got 1st and goal. He was overthrown, then he slipped, then overthrown but covered. I’m not blaming him here. He’s had a great game. But he should have scored on the first two throws. But it just didn’t happen.
Q2 3:40 – FG Suisham [Dal 17 Philly 7]
Q2 3:36 – In the original watching of this game the pizza guy arrived. So, we paused it in the middle of the play and it look for all the word that DeMarcus Ware was about to assfuck Donavon McNabb. To his credit, once we unpaused, McNabb stepped up and avoided the assrape he so richly deserves.
Q2 3:23 – [Fumble Recovery Carpenter] Oh my, there’s so much to say about this play. Firstly, let me reiterate that charma is a bitch. Vick in the Wildcat. The first time they tried it, charma must have been sleeping because Vick threw for a long touchdown. This time, charma was wide awake causing the human pile of pigshit, Vick, to fumble. And on top of that Barbie Carpenter makes the biggest play of his career by wrestling the ball away from said pile of pigshit. Good Times. Andy Reid is a fucking genius, the fat fuck.
Q2 3:13 – More Felix Jones greatness. 1st and goal!!
Q2 1:55 – Touchdown Austin! [Dal 24 Philly 7]
Q2 0:51 - [Fumble Recovery James] Philly had been moving the ball well with their 2-minute offense. But Brady James forces the fumble after the Weaver reception. Just enough time for a field goal.
Q2 0:21 – Classic Romo! Scrambles, avoids a sack a couple of times. Then throws it out to Choice who gets the pass interference call. Although, it looked to me Choice was initiating contact.
Q2 0:05 – FG Suisham. When was the last time Dallas made a second field goal in a game. It always seemed like Nick Folk would make his first one of the game and make everyone feel good about him. Then he would grossly miss his second. Suisham hit this one from 48 yards out. The route is on! [Dal 27 Phil 7]
End of First Half Dallas 27 Philadelphia 7
Halftime is Brought to you by:
Q3 11:08 – It took almost 4 minutes for me to find something to write about in a mostly boring third quarter. But I have to mention it when my man Jenkins makes a play on noted Twitterer Desean Jackson. Dude, have you even made a play today?? It’s easy to Twitter, but hard to make a catch when Mike Jenkins is in your jock the whole game.
Q3 8:16 – Spencer finishes his best series of the game with a sack. Also on this possession, a ball batted down and and a run stop for a loss of yardage.
Q3 6:18 – Creighton picks up another first down on third and long. If he could play the Eagles every week, he’d be in the Probowl.
Q3 5:33 – Touchdown Jones!! HOMERUN!! 73 yard run by Felix Jones. Samuel is still searching for the jock Felix juked him out of. [Dal 34 Philly 7]
Q3 5:09 [INT Jenkins][Fumble Recovery Brown] The wackiest play of the game. Jenkins makes the easy INT on the underthrown McNabb pass. Desean Jackson makes his best play of the night by stripping Jenkins as he’s inexplicably about to lateral it to Newman.
Q3 4:07 Long pass defended by Sensabaugh. Seriously, the Eagles can’t make a big play against this powerful and mighty Dallas defense. All hail the Dallas D!!
Q3 3:42 [Over on Downs] McNabb is hurried by a Hamlin blitz, incomplete.
Q3 2:47 – Does Romo need to be running the ball up by 27?? There are potentially three more games to play.
Q3 2:04 – The real Roy Williams is back. A ball through his hands almost results in an interception.
Q3 0:08 – Brian Westbrook finally makes an appearance in tonight’s game with 27 yard catch and run.
End of Third Quarter Dallas 34 Philadelphia 7
Q4 14:33 – Another failed Wildcat play by the subhuman dog killer.
Q4 14:28 – Sack by Ware. He wares down left tackles (rock me!) and seems to get his sacks in bunches in the 4th quarter.
Q4 13:30 – Touchdown Jackson. Jackson makes good on this Twittering with a meaningless 4th quarter touchdown. [Dal 34 Philly 14]
Q4 13:30 – Is there a better advertising agency in the world than the guys that do the Geico commercials? They are never content to stick with the same bit and try new stuff that’s usually as funny as their old bits. Kudos!! The only think close is Jack in the Box.
Q4 13:18 – Well, Dallas isn’t going to play conservatively with a 20 point lead with first down pass to Austin.
Q4 5: 23 – A successful drive that ends in a punt?? When i runs off over 8 minutes, yes.
Q4 5:13 – Sack by James, who’s having another great game.
Q4 4:01 - [Fumble Recovery Carpenter] Sack and fumble forced by Ware. Game Over! Thanks for playing Eagles. Better luck next time. Now go back to your craphole city and get your fucking shinebox.
Q4 3:28 – Choice, dude, what are you doing? Don’t go out of bounds.
Q4 2:15 – Hopefully Choice didn’t reinjure his brain. If there’s something wrong with MB3, they’re going to need him at Minnesota next week.
Q4 2:15 – The Who seems an odd choice for the Superbowl halftime show. I’ve got nothing against them, they were a great band, but they haven’t been relevant in 25 years. Were Herman’s Hermits busy that weekend??
Q4 0:35 - [Over on Downs] But it almost looked like another interception by Jenkins. Too bad he was out of bounds.
End of Game – Dallas 34 Philadelphia 14
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