Paleo Sangwuch

Who says you can’t eat a sandwich when you’re paleo?  Just make the meat the bread, full it up with sliced onions and arugula  and slather that bad boy with homemade garlicky macadamia nut mayo.

Our Bad Science Warriors, Past and Present

I’m not intending to start a weekly feature Science Tuesday, but what the heck.  It’s Tuesday and here’s some science. 

First, to piggyback off of last week’s video about bad science in health and nutrition, we have Dr. Ben Goldacre.

If you like his talk, might I suggest his book:

And finally, the greatest warrior against bad science of all time, Dr. Richard Feynman on the Scientific Method.  He’s not just a great scientist, but he’s also a darn good mashugana comic.

Eating Lakewood: Mi Cocina

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written a restaurant review.  It had become tiresome to dote over my new favorite restaurant* and how I had just had the most amazing sploogetastic meal in the history of taste buds.  And mediocre restaurants just aren’t that fun to write about.  So it’s really only enjoyable now to write restaurant reviews where I get to vent some serious spleen.

So guess where this is going.

I had not been to a Mi Cocina since early in my return to the Dallas area, some 70 years ago.  I was not impress and did not return.  The food was meh and their “award winning” margaritas tasted of Sweet Tarts.  But they recently remodeled the space that Matt’s used to be and are now a fixture of my beloved Lakewood.  So let’s give them a try, I thought.

The evening started off well.  I ordered my now usual Mexican meal of “paleo fajitas” – no rice, beans, tortillas but lots of guac and my dinner companion, who in order to maintain her anonymity will be referred from here on as “Mayor LaCheese”, ordered the shrimp tacos.

So far so good.  Everything was fine; nothing spectacular.  And then Mayor LaCheese looked into her third and final taco.

“What the fuck is this!!!”, she yelled.**

So I examined her taco*** and replied that I thought they had sent her a brisket taco with a couple of shrimps.

We called over the waiter and he was most apologetic and would have that taco replaced immediately.
OK.  I know you’re wondering.  This really isn’t much of a story so far.  It’s just cheap excuse to make an even cheaper vagina***** joke.  But we are getting to the punch line of this story.  I really wish you would be more patient and wait until the end to gripe about my presentation.

The manager came over and asked, “Was there a problem with your meal?”
After the Mayor retold the tale of the taco, the manager replied,”Well the chef assured me that that was a shrimp taco.”

Oh, well that settles it then.  The chef assured you.  Well I guess we’re making this up.  You’ve figured us out.  We are an international gang of shrimp taco grifters.  We go into unsuspecting Mexican restaurants across the country, order shrimp tacos, pour slow roasted brisket on the third taco, ask for a replacement taco, sit back and watch the millions of dollars roll into our Swiss bank accounts.

We’re lucky he didn’t call Interpol on us.

She did get her replacement taco (CHA-CHING!!!!) but there’s no telling how much loogie and semen was vigorously placed in said taco******.

Well that would have been the end of this story except when we got the bill and saw this line item.

Sng Taco $3.25

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!  Do you know who the fuck I am??  I’m fucking King Wally, noted food blogger of The Summer of Steve.  Please don’t worry so much about that confusing name situation.  But I am a noted food blogger and all I have to do is say the word and virtually no one from Dusseldorf will ever eat here!!”, would have been fun to yell in the restaurant.  But we just called the waiter over and had him take the charge off. 

He told us that, inexplicably*******, the manager added the charge  Man, the manager really was on to us.  I guess we’ll have to take our shrimp taco long con out of Lakewood now.
 
* That reminds me.  I need to get the reviews of Chicken Scratch and Acme F&B out soon.
** Mayor LaCheese doesn’t really have that much of a potty-mouth, but it’s a better story this way.
*** I did not write this story to use that line****
**** As far as you know.
***** Editors Note:  There’s no such thing as cheap vagina.
****** A joke I so wanted to make at the dinner table, but, hey, I’m a gentleman.
******* Of course he didn't really say "inexplicably" since he's a waiter in a Mexican restaurant. And that's not racist since the waiter was a white kid.

Music Monday: Sugar

The subconscious inspiration for Music Monday is the weekly segment on The Adam Carolla Podcast in which former Rolling Stone writer David Wild and Adam trade great songs that never got any radio airplay.  This past week, David’s offering was Sugar’s “If I Can’t Change Your Mind”.  Upon hearing that, I thought, “Hey!  I love that song.”

In fact I love all things Bob Mould* – from Husker Du to Sugar to his solo work.

 

 

On the next Music Monday:

*It’s almost like I’ve presented this song before.

Here’s a Better Reason Not to Eat Chick-Fil-A

I honestly could not give two shits about the political leanings of the people and organizations I get my fast food or entertainment from.  As a quasi-anarchist libertarian, there just aren’t that many people whose political views are in lock-step* with mine.  I would find myself bored and hungry if I ever made such a restriction on myself to only support like-minded people.  To me there is no disconnect in enjoying a delicious box of chicken nuggets from Chick-fil-a and falling off the couch in laughter at yet another Jack Donaghy Masterful Bon Mots.

 

But if you’re itching to boycott the noted southern chicken joint, do it for a good reason as one of my favorite paleo blogger suggests.

 

But a craving struck when I lived in Sweden. Obviously, it's impossible to get Chick-Fil-A there. So I hit the internet hoping to recreate it in my own kitchen. By then I was a lot more educated about nutrition, so the "top secret" recipe seemed a little horrifying to me. I wasn't about to coat chicken in sugar and flour and fry it in omega-6 garbage peanut oil. The real recipe also contains a form of MSG called autolyzed yeast extract, making it a super-palatable addictive monster, probably why it still makes my mouth water a decade later.

 

Still, those nuggets are so goooood once they hit your lips.

* Intentional use of irony putting “quasi-anarchistic libertarian” and “lock-step” in the same sentence.

Cool Pic of the Day

Silliest “Deal of the Day” Offer of the Day

I don’ t know if it’s the beekeeper suit (which is always funny) or the phrase Lip Balm (which also is always funny).  But this offer made me giggle.

You Have to Ask the Question

Is this the hottest racist ever?

Breaking Bad Facebook Statuses: Madrigal

Sorry, not much Facebook-worthy this week.

 

 

 

• Can’t decide between Cajun Kick-Ass and Franch
• RIP Los Pollos Hermanos
• Guesses he’s coming to you.

It’s Not Just Jokes and Bacon Around Here

Well, maybe bacon.

This blog is primarily about stuff I’m interested in.  For the most part that’s booze, great food, travel, booze, my stories* and bicycling. 

Oddly, one of my seldom blogged about interests is nutrition.  If you are at all interested in the subject and specifically how the government and the media have misinformed us about the relationship between saturated fats, cholesterol and heart disease, then you’ll want to watch this.

What follows is a fascinating history of the lipid hypothesis and despite zero clinical evidence, continues to be the conventional wisdom with regards to heart health.  If you’ve read Good Calories, Bad Calories, you’ve been exposed to much of this information.  But this is still a great, concise lecture on the history of the terrible science used in the nutrition community.

And if you want to know just about everything that is knowable about the relationship between cholesterol and heart disease and you’re not afraid of lots of scientific jargon, read Dr. Attia’s now nine part epic on cholesterol that starts here.

Again, I’m sorry this isn’t funny or contains any of my stolen catchphrases like asshat and douchenozzle.  We’ll return to jackassery in the next posting, I’m sure.

* Currently that means Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones.

Music Monday: Harlem Shakes

Hey, look at that.  A new weekly feature I’ve done three weeks in a row.

Admittedly, this isn’t the newest song and probably negates any hipster bona fides I might still have by playing it at such a late date.  But it’s a cool video and song and, well, I’ve only done three of these, so suck it.

 

On the next Music Monday….

Area Blogger Near Ecstatic Finding Westvleteren 12 in Dallas

The Cheap Bastard and I Have Become Soulmates

My favorite food critic and Tweetrix, Alice Laussade aka The Cheap Bastard, made her way down to Austin and experienced our state’s finest restaurant.

And although I’m not an Austin hipster-type, I have been touting Uchi (Uchiko’s older brother) for some time now.

Read the whole article here.

Здравствуйте, русские читатели

Google tells me that nearly a quarter of my readers are from Russia.  I guess this is reciprocity for all the time I’ve spent on Russian websites.

Breaking Bad Facebook Status: Live Free or Die

I’m stealing a page from JT’s blogging playbook in which he lists potential Facebook statuses from recent episodes of 30 Rock.With Season 5 of Breaking Bad having started, I will be doing the same for it.  However I will be departing from JT’s standard by not delineating between Good and Bad statuses.  This is Breaking Bad,after all.  There won’t be any Good statuses.

 

 

• Is familiar with the universal sign for “keys”, scumbag.
• Is going to put on a black leotard and dangle from a clothesline.
• Lives in a world of string theories and God particles.
• Is thinking one thought – Hogan’s Heroes.
• Can foresee a lot of possible outcomes to this thing.  And not a single one of them involves Miller Time.
• Yeah, bitch!  Magnets!

 

For a limited time, this episode can be seen here, unless you live in Düsseldorf

BREAKING! King Wally Enterprises Announces New Website: CEOilfhunters.com

Honestly.  It’s just a coincidence that this website is being launched the day after Yahoo! announces its new CEO, Marissa Mayer.

Sadly, this delays the launch of AdorableMarmotOfTheDay.com by at least six months.

Music Monday: The Orbans

Every once in a while, a song that’s been languishing in my iPhong makes a random appearance and then instantly strikes a chord with me.. 

Next week on Music Monday

Area Blogger Just Put This in His Face

Yes, that's bacon on top.

Thanks Siri

 

It disturbs me to think that I’m less understandable than Zooey Deschanel or Samuel L. Jackson.  But above is what Siri thought I said when I said, “Make a note, Orbans’ Don’t Lose for Music Monday.

Adorable Marmot of the Day

As part of my plan to recommit myself to The Summer of Steve, I privately vowed to make five posts a week.  “Surely I could crap out five posts”, I thought.  It is hard.  So, I present you the Official The Summer of Steve give up post – adorable marmots.

Please to enjoy.

Music Monday: Workout

 

Area Blogger Moonlights as Rorschach Test after Recent Bicycle Mishap

Preparing for the End: Breaking Bad Edition

As we slouch towards the final season of TV’s finest show, let’s enjoy one of their many cold-open music videos;

SoS Flashback: Calgary 2002

Calgary 02 VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Ten years ago this week a couple of crazy Canadians dragged me and Pokie up to Calgary for Stampede.  If The Summer of Steve had existed ten years ago, there would no doubt have been this posting. And, yes, this is pretty much only posted today for everyone to enjoy that last picture of Pokie.

Shit I Don’t Get: Drinking Beer at Whole Foods

There is a new phenomenon that has been troubling me since the jumbo Whole Foods on Park opened up last year, and that is that people go there and drink beer and wine at the beer and wine bar inside the Whole Foods.  A similar bar was later installed in the cheese section of my beloved neighborhood Lakewood Whole Foods.

Now, I fully admit that maybe I’m not “the hippest dude on the ranch”.  And that maybe I’m not the “coolest cat at the cat college”.  And maybe sometimes I can’t “control my bowels and often crap my pants.”  Now that last one was hurtful and I am now wondering why you brought that up and if we could even still be friends.  Maybe we should spend some time apart until I can figure out where this thing is going.

But one place I won’t be figuring out the future of our relationship is the Beer and Wine Bar at Whole Foods.

I’ve found myself in the Lakewood Whole Foods on a Friday evening a time or two the last few months.  And each and every time I am dumbfounded at the number of people drinking at the beer/wine bar in the middle of the store.  It’s Friday night, people, go to a real bar

I first became acquainted with the Whole Foods beer/wine bar while I was working in Irvine, CA for a couple of weeks in late 2009.  Twelve hour days were the norm during that trip and I would often swing by the Whole Foods in Tustin for dinner.  It was the first time I had seen a bar in a grocery store.  But even in Tustin, where there’s nothing to do but admire the gigantic concrete blimp hangers,  there would only be a couple of people drinking.

But the Lakewood Whole Foods is always hopping. The thing that baffles me is that there are beers on tap that you can get anywhere else.  The beers offered are usually not as good or diverse as the beers offered just a mile or two away at The Bottle Shop or The Goodfriend.  Is it because they are cheaper??  I know the beers at Whole Foods will run around $4 while the same beer might be $6.  But here’s the thing.  I would gladly pay $2 extra on a beer in order to not be exposed to harsh grocery store lighting and to not be wedged in between the petchuli based fragrances and the stinky cheeses.

So someone is going to have to clue me in.  What’s the allure?  What’s the draw?  Why would anyone treat a grocery store as a neighborhood bar in neighborhood that has several neighborhood bars?

Please discuss and get back to me.

Happy Belated Leap Second

An observant reader of this blog would have by now noticed that The Summer of Steve is not exactly the go to place for up to the minute breaking news weather and traffic on the eights.  Current events are seldom even alluded to, much less discussed in depth.  Since I am always striving to improve my blog*, I will rectify this deficiency, at least for the benefit of creating a comedy bit.

So, it seams we had ourselves a leap-second this weekend.  Unfortunately, I forgot all about it until it had already passed.  But that does not deter me from creating a tried and true comedy staple:  the funny list.  So here is a list of the things I could have done with that extra second had I remembered to do something with it.**

• Curse JT an additional time for tagging me on pictures of food he knows I would want in my face.
• Contemplate going to see Magic Mike
• Vote for Yu Darvish for the last AL All-Star choice.
• Sex with Neko Case ***
• Write a list of things I could have done with an extra second****
• Fall off my bike*****
• Finally drop True Blood from my Season Pass list.
• Actually leap once
• Learn to use a ridiculous number of footnotes.******

 

---

* For those dozen or so days a year I actually give two shits about it.
** Sorry for the long setup.  And yes I chose a leaping penguin for the picture because penguins are always funny.
*** Obvious joke is obvious.
**** I didn’t say a funny list.
***** Actually did that.
****** That too.