So You Still Won't Watch The Wire??

How about this for a description.

clipped from www.viceland.com David Simon is responsible for one of the greatest feats of storytelling of the past century, and that’s the entire five-season run of the television series The Wire. If that sounds like hyperbole to you, then you haven’t watched the show yet. It is the most intricate web of character, motivation, insight, action, repercussion, and emotion that’s ever been on TV, and it rivals the grand novels of the late 19th century, when novels actually, regularly, had scope. More hyperbole, but there you go. I and most of its fans are to The Wire as a Christian is to Christ or a junkie is to dope. It’s basically A FUCKING GOD. Too much hyperbole there, maybe. But you’re getting the point, right?

JT’s Action Item of the Day

Fox has updated The Simpson’s character poster. 

JT must now name each and every character on the poster or die trying.

Yes, you have to distinguish between Kang and Kodos.

Good Luck!

Top 10 of the 2000s: TV Shows

JT finally got a list out before mine. Clearly he has been handicapped by his time in der Dorf.  Also, I really like TV.  It’s one of the my vices I wish I could do something about.  Most of my other vices I’m pretty comfortable with.  With one notable exception, all the shows on the list had at least three seasons.  While great, shows like Chappelle's Show and Flight of the Conchords just don’t have enough episodes to stack up.  And before I get any complaints, not that anyone is reading these lists, I have never seen Mad Men and have seen only the pilot of Breaking Bad.

 

10.  Good Eats – This is probably a surprising entry, but I felt it had to be on my list since there was probably no show I watched more of in the oughts.  Good Eats is a cooking show that masterfully balances information and entertainment.  And it taught me much of what I know about cooking.

9. Survivor – I felt obliged to have at least one reality show on my list since the 2000s was the decade of the reality show.  I hadn’t watched it much the last few years.  So it may seem odd to have it on my list.  But I came back this season; which may be its best.  Go Russell!!

8. The Family Guy – For much of this decade, this was the laugh-out-loud funniest show on TV.  In recent years, as Seth MacFarlane’s empire has expanded, the quality of The Family Guy has gone down.  Still, there is usually at least one fall-off-the-couch moment every episode.

7. Battlestar Galactica - The best show you probably have never watched because of the cheesy name.  A beautifully grimy metaphor for post 9/11 America, BSG never shirked from tackling such controversial subjects like torture, suicide bombers and smoking hot robots.

6. Arrested Development – We' have reached the point in this list where I must lament the early cancelation of a great series.  But to be fair, Arrested Development did have three seasons. What other series would dare to have dialog like this:

Michael: [To GOB, about his new boat] Get rid of “The Seaward.”

Lucille: I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.

5. Firefly – How Fox can keep a crapfest like Til Death on the air season after season but have no patience for an amazing show like Firefly is one of the greatest mysteries of the oughts if not the entire universe.  Firefly was essentially a western set in outer space.  And that description may have been what doomed it.  But it really was more than that.  Hulu should be cycling back to the pilot soon.  So make a new year’s resolution and watch them.

4. The Sopranos – This is the show that started the TV renaissance of the 2000s.  Without the Sopranos there is no Shield, Wire, Lost or Mad Men (which I’ve never watched but people say is good).  I have recently started re-watching season one on Blu-Ray and it still is awesome.  It would have been higher but I felt the last seasons were a bit self indulgent and rambling.  I got the ending and it made sense. But that doesn’t make it satisfying.

3. Lost – Has there ever been a show that has changed so much but still remained great?  Has there ever been a show that has been able to continually introduce new characters year after year that are often more interesting than the character we started out with?  It’s not a perfect show.  The time traveling of early season five did give me a headache.  (oops, is that a spoiler??)  Thank Christ they finally stopped.  And it did seem a bit made-up-as-we-go early on.  But there is no other show I regularly have watching parties for and then spend even more time listening to podcasts about.  I may have a problem.

2. The Shield – So here’s the pitch for the show.  Our main character (Detective Vic Mackey) will do something unspeakably horrible in the first episode and then do more horrible things throughout the series, all the while the home viewer will cheer every time he narrowly escapes what he rationally deserves.  Pretty much every episode induces an ice cream headache and thus seems to last about five minutes.  Of the series on this list that had finales, this one had the most satisfying.

1.  The Wire – This may actually be the best TV show ever.  The more I read about the failings of Dallas city hall and the school district, the more relevant this show becomes.  If you want to know why American cities are failing, watch this show.  It starts out as a relatively by-the-book cop show (Its creators were the creators of the best show of the 90’s, Homicide: Life on the Streets).  Then each season expands it’s stage by adding another failing sector of the city – the docks, city hall, the schools and finally newspapers.

Top 5 of the 2000s: Blog Entries

Assuming that I’m not struck by a lightning bolt of brilliance between now and 2010, here are my five favorite blog entries from the past decade. OK, the past two and a half years.

5. Drunk Lunch: Episode 1 – maybe someday we’ll do another Drunk Lunch – stupid jobs.

4. The Neverending Flight that Never Ended (Almost)

3. Movie Review : Transformers 2 - Rise of My Lunch from Earlier in the Day

2. And So It Ends...

1. Steve Cook is the Luckiest Man in the World

JT’s Number 1!!!

A Düsseldorf resident has done what few thought possible – displace the phrase “Gilf Hunter” as the #1 keyword directing people to The Summer of Steve.

European snark impresario, Lakewood bar disrupter, and three time FICA (Fédération Internationale de C-Block Association) welter weight champion, JT “JT” Richardson and his blog jtingermany caused 8 hits on The Summer of Steve as compared with only 4 for gilf hunter in the past month.

When asked to comment, Mr. Richardson used a dizzying stream of obscure Simpson’s quotes to express his surprise, delight and hunger for pork products.

What makes this accomplishment even more surprising is that many in the blogosphere had assumed The Summer of Steve had been shut down years ago.

The Top Ten Keywords for the past month are:

Keyword	Visits
jtingermany	8
gilf hunter	4
dallas homicides	3
american beauty hd	2
flying saucer trivia	2
fupa	2
gilf hunter: episode 1	2
gilf hunter: episode 2	2
jersey guidos	2
summer of steve	2

Pix of 2004

Ahh 2004 -- the year I didn't take very many pictures. Seriously, I don't know what happened. I only have pictures taken in October of 2004. No pictures of the first birthday party in my new digs. No pix of the the party that resulted in Tree's tooth fragments. No winter league pictures. No New Jersey Pictures. No nuttin. Sorry, 2004 wasn't a very good year.

Since Facebook hates me anything on my blog that uses Flash, if you're looking at this on Facebook you will see nothing. Please go here and relive the phrase Swift Boat got into the vernacular.

Live Blogging Cowboys v. Chargers

This is essentially a playoff game – if the Cowboys lose, they will have a hard time making the tournament.  With that amount of importance, this game deserves the insight and snark of this self-indulgent blogger.

 

Pregame – Ugh.  It’s a CBS game.  I’m going to be spared to death by Phil Sims and that awful music they play in and out of breaks.

 

Q1 14:51 : It’s nice to see Felix back.

Q1 12:58:  Today’s first false start brought to you by Bergen County native Miles Austen.

Q1 12:12 : Back to back penalties push Dallas back to their own territory.  It’s good to see they have decided to not to change their ways for an important game.

Q1 10:51 : Alert the media. Roy Williams makes an important catch.

Q1 8:45 : Looking at the incompletion to Phillips, I think Roy ran the wrong route and brought his defender into the middle of the endzone breaking up the play.  How’s that for sports analysis?? Pow Pow!

Q1 8:40 : FG Dallas (Dallas 3 – San Diego 0).  Romo holding already pays dividends.  But seriously, if Folk misses that he gets cut instantly.

Q1 8:00 : SD Center Scott Mruczkowski looks like he might be a special needs kid.

Q1 6:10 : Terrance Newman is still looking for his jock.

Q1 5:10 : Sensabaugh, dude, you were in position.  Make the interception.

Q1 4:30 : TD San Diego (San Diego 7 – Dallas 3).  After the first two plays were for a loss on this drive, the Dallas D let’s the Chargers slice through them like a hot knife through a pathetic defense.

Q1 2:58 : Nice three-and-out Cowboys.  What exactly is the point of Roy’s route that was four yards short of the first down?  It’s not like he ever breaks tackles and picks up a bunch of YACs like Miles does.

Q1 1:04 : Great coverage by Jenkins, but a better catch from Jackson.  Yet another big play given up by the Dallas D.

End of First Quarter – San Diego Super Chargers 7  Dallas Cowboys 3

 

Q2 14:22 : Wade Phillips makes a barking seal hand gesture which I guess means more pie please.

Q2 13:49 : More great coverage by Jenkins.  The ball was well place but slightly out of bounds.

Q2 10:18: FG San Diego (SD 10 – Dallas 3)  Not looking good.  Selling all Dallas Playoff futures.  But if Dallas O can do anything on the next drive…. Who am i kidding???

Q2 9:30 Felix!  That’s a good start.  Two good runs by Jones.

Q2 8:40  Why are we reviewing Romo’s sack from 40 minutes ago?  Oh, to show us CBS’ expensive computer graphic play-pretty.

Q2 6:57  Does Williams ever not look for a flag whenever he doesn’t make a catch, which is often.

Q2 2:30 Thought they needed to go for it.  But MB3 couldn’t get that last yard three times in a row.  Nice drive, though.  It’ll be something nice to look at during week one of the playoffs and the Cowboys are all sitting home.  Why do I feel like I’m about to see a 99 yard touchdown drive?

Q2  1:46 WHOOP.  TNew with INT!  Plenty of time left.

Q2 0:42  Folk FG no good.  Can anyone else hold?  But seriously, can anyone else kick?

Q2 0:25 Jenkins with more great coverage.  Keep throwing to him Phil.  Your efforts will be rewarded in a pick-six.

Q2 0:18 Bowen with the much needed sack. SD is now way out of FG range and timeouts.

Q2 0:13 Jenkins is so good he prevents receptions by his own teammates.

End of First Half – SD 10 Dal 3 – After a shaky start the Dallas D keeps SD to only 10 points.  But the Dallas O continues to the disturbing trending of accumulating yardage but few points.

Random Halftime Thoughts

• Can someone explain to me the difference between CSI, NCSI and Criminal Minds?
• Bits of my brain have started to ooz out of my ears from having to listen to the generic, often incorrect analysis of Phil Sims.
• Slouching Towards Idiocracy – A live event is shown in 3D.  Isn’t reality in 3D?  And you don’t need the stupid glasses; just some nice hipster doofus frames like mine.
• I’m not the target audience for much of the advertizing.  Crime procedurals and American yellow beer are not exactly staples of my existence.

 

Q3 11:36  Cowboys have been lining up with Ware on one side then swapping OLBs.  The confusion finally almost resulted in a sack.

Q3 10:40 96 yards to a tie?

Q3 9:41 Nope.  But the first sighting of the Barbie Bird on the punt.

Q3 8:04  Alan Ball saves a touchdown.  Further greatest from the Six Feet Under creator.

Q3 7:49 Barbie Carpenter makes a tackle in front of the 1st down line.

Q3 7:10 99 yards to a tie?  Dallas is not winning this war of field position.

Q3 5:55 Ugh.  A promo for my sports kryptonite – college basketball.

Q3 4:03  First long completion of the day to Austen.

Q3 3:35 Why run wide with MB3?

Q3 2:23 It’s Miles Austen time!

Q3 1:41  Roy Williams is apparently reading this live blog and gets a shit tonne of YACs on this play.

Q3 0:55 MB3 to the 1.  I’ve seen this movie before.

Q3 0:02 Touchdown Miles Austen!!!! Dal 10 SD 10.  Dallas Cowboys now rated a slight buy.

End of Third Quarter Dal 10 SD 10.  It’s a ballgame!!!!

Q4 14:09 : Ugh.  They can’t let rivers have that much time.  Great stuff on LT on the first down play. 

Q4 12:05 : Dang.  Sproles is dragging multiple Cowboys for his 3 yard gains.

Q4 11:28 : Ware’s down.  Not good.  Cowboys now rated a weak sell.

Q4 11:28 : Oh shit,  they’re bringing out the cart.  Since I was pre-med in college I'm diagnosing this as cervical cancer. 

Q4 10:56 : TD San Diego (SD 17 Dal 10) Way to rally around your fallen teammate Dallas.  You were able to give up 53 yards in only 32 seconds.  Way to nut up.

Q4 10:42 : How does Witten get so open down field?

Q4 10:15 : Jones almost breaks Romo’s ankle with his fumble recovery.

Q4 9:23 : Well that drive sucked.  After the Witten catch, we’re treated to a Jones fumble, an almost interception and a throw to Roy Williams aka the Drive Killer.  But to be fair to Roy, he was single covered.  Did Dallas hang a Mission Accomplished banner after their TD?  Both the D and O looked like they thought the game was over and Superbowl rings would be handed out at the conclusion of the game.

Q4 7:51 I got a giggle from the spell checker that suggested that Superbowl should have been Superb owl.  In what context has that phrase ever been used?  Maybe in describing former Vikings QB Tommy Krammer?

Q4 4:15 Well, that’s just about it. LT with the first down.  Unless Dallas traded Folk to SD at halftime, the Chargers are in FG range with little resistance from the Dallas D. 

Q4 2:00 Two minute warning.  I’ve mentally checked out of this game as well by looking at pictures on Facebook.  I get the feeling the defense has done much the same.  All you need to do is have a season saving hold.  But the Chargers nickel and dime you down the field running precious minutes off the clock.

Q4 1:56 FG San Diego (SD 20 Dal 10)

Q4 1:44 What was that?  Williams was walking out of bounds.

Q4 1:36 To Williams credit, that was good work on the slant. 

Q4 0:07 Enough time for two scores?

Q4 0:02 TD Dallas (SD 20 Dal 17) Too little too late.  Not enough time to recover an onside kick.

End Of Game (SD 20 Dal 17)

Eagles have to win tonight.  With a game left against Philly, Dallas can still win the division with a win against them later.

Top 5 of the 2000s: Miscellaneous Worsts

So far all my lists have be largely positive. But over a ten year period, bad shit is going to happen. In order to keep the negativity to a minimum, I've devoted only one list for the Worst of the 2000s. As it turned it, it's a surprising small list.

5. Worst Use of the US Patent System [US Patent 6519452] – Yeah, so I have a patent. And the fact that this thing got a patent shows the US Patent System is horribly broken with regards to software.

4. Worst Jello Shot [The Jello Shot That Cannot Be Spoken Of] – I'm not at liberty to discuss this.

3. Worst Trip [Orlando 2000] – This was a business trip to a computer programmer's convention. Do I need to go on? Oh, and it was in fucking Orlando. Hot, muggy and Disney are not three things I want on any kind of trip.

2. Worst Meal [Village Inn, Flagstaff AZ] – Much chronicled in this posting. To paraphrase Patton Oswalt, it was a failure pile on a sadness plate.  [Sushi on McKinney]  Sorry, Matt.  How could I have forgotten the worst meal ever?

1. Worst Night [Feb 1, 2002] – The worst night of my life. Or, at least, the loneliest. That was the night of the 2^nd Annual Birthday limo party. I had spent much of the week before organizing it. And then my gall bladder assploded. So on the night of the party, I was alone in the hospital. And all my friends were out having fun. Sniff. It's a good thing the rest of the year kicked ass.

I, For One, Welcome Our New Basset Hound Overlords!

clipped from news.yahoo.com

Top 10 of the 2000s: Trips

I'm sure JT's list is going to kick my list's ass. His list will include many exotic locales. But did any of his trips almost involve a beheading?? I think not. Unless it was his own. Or potentially being eaten by bears?

10. SoCal 2008 – This might have rated higher had I not had 10-12 hour work days to contend with as well. Two weeks of southern California getting to listen to my idol Adam Carolla live, all on the company dime. Highlights of the trip included seeing my Stars beat the Ducks, Van Morrison at the Hollywood Bowl and the discovery of Stone's Vertical Epic.

9. Hudson River 2001 – You don't realize how much of US history all took place along the banks of the mighty Hudson until you've driven up and down it. Driving up the west bank and then back down the east back, I kept thinking "OH, that's where that happened!!". Doing it in the fall also made it extra pretty.

8. Calgary 2002 – Some Canadians lured Pokemon and I up there for the Stampede. We never saw much of the Stampede, and by "much" I mean "any". And really, what better way to celebrate the 4^th of July than getting drunk in America's hat?

7. Vegas 2006 – A fabulous meal at Circo and a second viewing of Cirque du Soleil's O make this THE Vegas trip of the 2000s.

6. Mardi Gras 2003 – My last trip to Mardi Gras was the best.

5. California 2000 – Ultimate + Disc Golf + Wine Country + Sushi for the first time == good times. And somehow I mustered enough self control not to chop Sarah head off in Santa Cruz.

4. Walkabout 2008 – This was the Walkabout where it was cemented in my brain that I'm a west coast kind of guy. There's just so much more beauty heading west from Dallas than heading East. Highlights included discovering Rehoboth DE and the Dogfish Head brew pub, pie in Waterbury and all kinds of food in Pittsburgh.

3. Colorado 2003 – For a trip that was thrown together almost the last minute for a Labor Day weekend trip, it turned out pretty awesome. Although it took nearly four years to act on it, this was a huge inspiration for my Walkabouts. Highlights included taking the cogwheel train up Pike's Peak and Silver Jack's in Montrose.

2. Walkabout 2009 – It took me a very long time, but I finally made it to Europe. They sure do talk funny over there. But, man, do they have some good eats. Highlights included the much written about U Fleků, seeing President Obama, Tarte Tatin and floating in the Mediterranean Sea.

1. Walkabout 2007 – I guess most people at one time or another get that bug up their ass to hop in the car and see America. Luckily Nortel and its generous severance package afforded me an opportunity to do just that. Highlights included Seattle, Portland, Yosemite, Joshua Tree, potentially being eaten by bears, lots of halibut and beer – oh the beer.

My New Favorite Website

clipped from www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com clipped from www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com clipped from www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com The 2009 Douchies Start On Monday