Eskimo!

One of my all-time favorite movies is releasing its 20th Anniversary DVD this week. And between this event and Angry Jen's constant barbs, I've never felt older.

Since I've already bought the VHS, Laserdisc and original DVD version of this move (and the soundtrack, btw) I won't be buying this. But if you want to, here it is.

DVD Review: The Hammer

This is why my leader was on Dancing with the Stars. He was on to promote this movie, which was in limited release (mostly just the cities his morning drive-time radio show can be heard).

I have to admit I was a little worried about the quality of this movie. Although it got great reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and Ebert & Roeper gave it Two Thumbs Up, I've seen The Man Show. Adam Carolla, while fantastic on the radio ranting about everyday annoyances, he's a stiff on camera.

Well, he's improved a little. But no one will mistake him for Alec Baldwin when it comes to great comedic acting.

But despite his limited acting ability, this is still a funny, sweet romantic comedy. That's right. I said romantic comedy.

This is the semi-autobiographical story of Jerry Ferro (Carolla) who, on his 40th birthday loses both his job and his girlfriend. While coaching a boxing class at a local gym, he finds his way out of rock bottom. He meets a new woman and he begins working his way up the armature ranks to make the US Olympic boxing team. OK, maybe a little unbelievable. But he's got a really good left.

By the way, it was while working as a boxing instructor at the gym this movie was filmed (where he was also a handyman) that Adam met Jimmy Kimmel. From that meeting he would go on to host Loveline and The Man Show and is now, as he'll tell you often, literally a millionaire.

In a world of craphole movies like Don't Mess with the Zohan and The Love Guru, why couldn't a movie like this get a wider release? It may not rise to the level of a Sideways, Juno or Little Miss Sunshine. But it is still a worthy indie comedy.

• 0 breasts
• 1 beast
• belt-sander fu
• Nicaraguan punch-in-the-nuts fu

Academy award nomination for Oswaldo Castillo for playing the very difficult role of himself.

King Wally says check it out. I bought the DVD, so if anyone wants to borrow it, let me know.

B+

Netflix Review: Cashback

"Like an otter's pocket."

I'm taking a break from reviewing dreadful American teen sex comedies and switching to dreadful English college space/time manipulation comedies. Well, that's probably a bad adjective. Cashback isn't dreadful -- just tedious.

Cashback is the story of a art schooler Ben Willis. He breaks up with his long time girlfriend and finds he can no longer sleep. I think we can all relate to that. So, with the extra 8 hours he has every day, he takes an overnight job at a grocery store. It is here that he learns that he can stop time. And here is where the movie is the most believable. Because when he stops time, he disrobes the women shopping at the grocery store and draws their naked forms. If this were a Jim Carrey or Adam Sandler type movie they would use the extra time to work on the big account or do something sweet for their unappreciative wife/gf. But really, if the average 20 year old had this power -- off come the drawers.

Unfortunately this film can't decide if it wants to be The Office in a grocery store or a contemplative commentary on life using the sci-fi motif of time stoppage. And while that sounds like a combo-platter that should be right in my wheel-house, it comes up short. The laughs are few and the time stoppage is used only to get the chicks naked. I guess I'm getting old, because I need more than just that. I need some cuddling too.

• 19 breasts
• 2 old guy farts
• 1 soccer ball to the face
• 1 life altering naked Swedish exchange student.
• grocery item fu
• actual kung fu

King Wally says check it out.

C+

Netflix Review: Babylon 5: The Lost Tales

* * * N E R D A L E R T ! ! ! * * *

If you are a fan of one of the current crop of serialized sci-fi dramas, Heroes, Lost, Battlestar Galactica, then you can thank Babylon 5 for trailblazing the concept. From its inception, B5 was to be a five year with a predefined beginning, middle and end. The show was a kind of Casablanca in space. However, there was a "Lord of the Rings"-like story going on in the background that eventually became the main story.

So, it's been nearly a decade since the show ended. And, with DVD sales starting to decline, it was time to come out with some new material. And, for the B5 fan, this may be a welcome Netfilx treat (i.e. not necessarily something you would want to buy).

The Lost Tales consists of three half hour short stories taking place on the 10 year anniversary of the end of the series. The first is absolutely dreadful. It's your basic satanic possession in space story. The main problem is that Tracy Scoggin's Colonel Lochley and her manface are ten times scarier than Satan ever could be.

The second and third story kind of meld together. As President Sheridan travels back to Babylon 5, he is first interviewed by an annoying journalist and then presented with the task of having to kill a young prince in order to save New York City in the future. Sure, that sounds silly, and it is. But it is the best of the three stories.

What's Good: Peter Woodward's Galen, a character from B5's short lived spin off Crusade, a beautifully rendered B5 using modern CGI.

What's Bad: Pretty much everything else.

Sometimes you can't go home again. And this is a good example of leaving sleeping universes lie. Unless you're already a fan, avoid at all costs. Get the original show DVDs, fight through the poor acting and production of season 1 and you'll enjoy seasons 2-4. Season 5, well, let's not talk about that.

C
But only if you love Babylon 5.